fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2814 ]

[ SECRET POST #2814 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2814 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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So, I've been invited to a funeral tomorrow (does on say invited, even?)

In any case - I did not know him that well. But, he was always nice to me. We're in this club together and I organize bi-monthly dinners for that group. I was actually wondering why I hadn't seen him for a while. I know his wife, somewhat, but not the rest of the family.

He was always nice to me and really appreciated me volunteering for organizing activities - even gave me a birthday present I really did not expect last year.

I'm debating whether to go or not. I mean, I can - I do not need to work that day and I sort of feel it would be nice to honor him (and to find out what the hell happened to him).

But then, I won't know anyone there, it might be really awkward, and there will be a lot of people who he'll have meant more to than to me.

I dunno, folks - should I go?

Also, depressingly, this is the sixth person I know who died this year.

Go. If anybody asks, be truthful of how you know him and you wanted to honor the man. You don't have to linger after services but showing up is good taste.

I think this is a really good comment, and I would add that if you can remember a sweet or funny story about the deceased, telling it to his family would be a nice gesture. Most people enjoy hearing about how their loved one impacted other people's lives, even in that small way.

*hugs*

I'm sorry OP has seen so much loss this year.

^ Noodles speaks truth.

sixth person

jfc that's a lot of people. :<

I always go to funerals. Even if I don't talk to someone or share anything, I feel like an extra presence even if it's just a body to fill a seat is usually nice.

Everyone kind of hopes there will be a big turnout at a funeral, I think. It's good to look around and go "Oh. Look at all these lives (s)he impacted."

All the funerals I have been to had the family receiving guests. They would be in a line and you would just go down it and offer your condolences. For the actual funeral, I doubt there will be much chatting going on. Just leave before the reception starts (if where you live does that).

It sort of depends? I don't know if there will be a reception or not.

Unless you have a serious problem with funerals, I say go ahead and go. You don't have to stay long, just give your condolences and be on your way.

The family might appreciate it, when a death occurs sometimes it's really nice for the family to know that the person's life was special to other people. That's honestly the only reason I ever go to funerals, is to comfort other people because the way I grieve doesn't require a ceremony, but some people need it.

Just go to pay your respects, even if you don't interact with his family/friends. Honestly, the ones closest to him aren't going to be focusing on who's in attendance.

He had an impact on your life and you'd like to honor him. Go ahead and go. There aren't any hierarchies when it comes to this sort of thing; it doesn't matter how much he meant to you when compared to other people, only that he meant something (I once went to a funeral for someone I didn't even personally know because someone close to me knew him, and he meant something to me simply by virtue of meaning so much to her).

It won't be awkward. Trust me when I say that people there will appreciate you having come.

This may be a bit weird, but I kind of like funerals.

Not, like, I don't like having people I know die. That's awful and sad. But I find funerals very comforting given the circumstances. There's something about the solemnity inherent to the occasion and the social drawing-together that happens that does give me comfort and that I appreciate.

So I don't think you need to worry about social awkwardness. The occasion has its own purpose that, I think, outweighs that, and the fact of you trying to show respect is justification enough in itself.

I sort of "like" them because I guess I'm the kind of person who appreciates closure and ritual, if that makes sense?

Yeah I think that's what I was trying to get at

Go. It's a good way to say goodbye, and seeing other people there helps those very close to him deal with his loss.

The procedure is very simple. You dress somberly, you go, you shake the hands of immediate family and say, "My condolences" or "I'm very sorry for your loss". After the funeral (+ burial or other ceremony if applicable) you're there for the family and friends, rather than for the deceased. So you mingle, you share stories about the friend, you offer support and, when it seems appropriate, you leave.

If you decide not to go (ceremonies and grief are difficult things and not everyone is up to it and if, after what seems to have been a VERY grief-filled year for you, you decide you can't deal with it, that'd be completely understandable), then do send the family flowers or a sympathy card as you feel is appropriate. Sometimes, the deceased's family requests that flowers NOT be sent, so just discretely ask - sometimes it's easiest to ask the funeral home rather than the family- if they'd be welcome.

... yeah, I've totally done this far more often that I'd like. I've been the immediate family (in which case even if it feels empty to the one saying it, I can tell you those simple words mean a great deal - it's nice to know that other people appreciated your person and will miss them, too), I've been a friend of immediate family (more there for the friend, never met the deceased), been only professionally connected, etc, etc. Just about the only position I haven't been yet in a funeral is the corpse.

I'd go. It means a lot to the family to see people showing up to honor their dead, even if they don't necessarily know you. Kind of a testament to how many lives he touched, if that makes any sense.

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[ SECRET POST #2814 ]

Funerals and awkwardness

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Re: Funerals and awkwardness