[ SECRET POST #2818 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2818 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 063 secrets from Secret Submission Post #403.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

I may be incapable of real love. I can adore people and think they're wonderful... then forget about them the minute after when distracted by something else and never factor them into anything else I do. Unless they're present and immediately on my mind, I've forgotten I have a significant other, or that significant other exists at all, loads of times. I care about people, but I don't think about them on my own.

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, no. That has nothing to do with love and everything to do with how your brain works. Mooning about other people on your alone time just isn't something everyone does. Some people do think about stuff like that on their own. Some people don't. It really depends. How much you love someone has to do with how deeply you feel about someone when you ARE thinking about them, and how much you're willing to sacrifice/the amount of effort you are willing to put into helping them and making them happy. The amount of time you spend mooning over them means nothing.

At worst, I'd say that it's more likely you just...sort of take them for granted a bit. Like, you know they're going to be there when you get un-distracted and you're confident that there's nothing surprising about their being with you, so you don't marvel over how much you love them all the time.

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

It goes further than taking for granted. Someone married who took their spouse for granted wouldn't literally forget they are a married person and need to be reminded of the existence of their spouse by outside forces, would they? That's basically what happens to me. I see everyone else thinking of people and I hear them go "oh, my boyfriend would love this" or "my wife would love that" or "my sister loves these" and people simply don't register like that to me... unless they're physically present at the time.

I would never have children or have children or pets left in my care because I know as soon as they were out of sight they'd be completelyout of mind and I'd be that guardian that literally had no idea they were missing for days. I can love something or someone when they're around but when they're not and I'm not being reminded they're people or animals with feelings that need things, I just... don't care. It's like I have a "care" button with the default setting of Off, and if someone or something isn't sitting on it at the time, it ain't happening.

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

SA

To clarify, I do care about people, like I said. I would feel terrible if something bad happened because I hadn't thought of them, ofc, in the children or pets scenario, or if I forgot a birthday or anniversary or something important. I can't seem to change the fact that I need to be reminded that these things exist, though, or that other people have lives that exist when they're not intersecting directly with mine.

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

What about, like, objects? Do you forget you have a car, or that your apartment is locked? What about people you dislike? Because right now it's sounding like you have some weird object permanence problem.

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

I mean most people don't talk to their car keys.

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I don't forget my car or my apartment because they're mine, and they're exactly where I left them before. People are different, they have lives and do things without me.

It could be the opposite problem, people are categorized like moving objects in my head, I expect them to be where I left them and the fact that they have lives and do things without me don't occur to me because I don't see it happen? I could know my brother goes to baseball practice every day at a certain time, but even if I've been to them, on every other day they remain mysterious undefined events that happen in some location that may as well not exist to me.

Re: Am I an Asshole?

[(Anonymous)]

this really does sound like some kind of brain disorder or condition rather than a lack of love/empathy– similar to people who can't picture their relative's and friend's faces when they're not immediately looking at them, and have no memory of their facial features. only yours is some kind of processing disorder that's unable to conceptualize settings and people outside of your vicinity.