[ SECRET POST #2823 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2823 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #403.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Advice Column

[kallanda_lee]

I'm not sure there's even an answer to this, but how o you deal with being an adult while not feeling like an adult? And basically, adding to hat - with realizing you need other people to sort of help ou stay alive because you suck at taking care of yourself?

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

That's a tough one, but I find it helps to remember that nearly everyone feels that way sometimes, even though you don't realize it. I also find it helpful to try and pick up more Responsible Adult skills, whether it's learning how to cook, change my own car tire, organizing my bank statements, whatever. Anything that's practical and allows you a little more control over your life.

Re: Advice Column

[kallanda_lee]

I can't generally even manage that. Leave me alone and I live on ramen and lose important documents.

Adding to the issue, i have a pretty strong personality, an absolute disdain for authority - so you can see how this a setup for conflict.

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you. The key is that it's okay to start small, because achieving very tiny goals is better than doing nothing.

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

This might help:

Think of something that your parents did that you don't know how to do. It might be something like getting car insurance.

Then, make it your goal for the month to research it until you feel you reasonably understand it, even if you don't need it right at the moment.

Rinse and repeat for additional skills.

I taught myself some useful tricks that way, especially regarding automobile care.

Re: Advice Column

[herpymcderp]

Well the first one isn't all that hard. As Nike says: just do it. As soon as you remember you need to do something, don't take another moment to think about it. Don't give yourself any time to think at all; just start it right that second.

You can come up with plenty of reasons not to do a thing if you allow yourself to, but if you just engage in a boring task instantly without giving yourself the time to internally whinge about how you don't want to or you could be doing something else, after a while it just kind of becomes automatic. And you'll find that once you engage in a task it's actually not as bad as you thought it was going to be. A lot of dumb menial chores give you time to think about other things or a chance to relax your brain from a long day of mental activity.

Sometimes in order to get something done it's good to try to find a sense of achievement in some way. I don't particularly like cleaning, but I really like the sense of pride I get when I know my house is spotless. I don't really like writing papers, but I love it when I know I've written something worthwhile or important. That kind of thing.

Adult stuff is dumb but necessary. Luckily it doesn't come with the requirement of feeling adult.

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

x1000 this. I find that the best method to get off my ass and accomplish something is to not think about it much. Set a time when you're going to do [specific task] and then do it, no delays, no excuses or talking myself out of it or telling myself it's too hard or hopeless.

Nobody's born with cooking skills or organizational skills, it's something that you have to learn along the way.

Re: Advice Column

[siofrabunnies]

I have to set reminders on my phone. It just takes a long time for certain habits to stick.

For the second part, I'm also in the same boat. Eventually, I just accepted I can't do everything on my own, and that's okay. I have my husband (it works with anyone, though), and we cover each other's weaknesses. That makes it a lot easier to swallow, at least.

So, I guess, feel good about your strengths, work on your weaknesses and try not to feel bad about having them, because everyone does.

Re: Advice Column

[el_regrs]

I don't feel like much of an adult either, despite being "on my own."

As much as I try the independent thing, and feel like anything less is unacceptable, I've also realized at some point in my life, I will need help from somebody, even if I don't particularly want it. But it's a lot better than feeling stranded or abandoned because no one around you will lift a finger or listen when you ask for help.

Just do what you can, and do the best that you can. And every now and then, don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone.

Re: Advice Column

[(Anonymous)]

Kill yourself, you worthless human being.

Re: Advice Column

[kallanda_lee]

Sorry, sweetie, already did - but it wasn't like the brochure. No tunnel of light, no movie of your life - 0/10, would not recommend. It didn't stick, so you lot are still stuck with me. Sucks to be you.