[ SECRET POST #2841 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2841 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 039 secrets from Secret Submission Post #406.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: hitting disobedient children

[ariakas]

Anecdata: my parents hit us. They were fairly strict disciplinarians as well. As a result we were extremely well-behaved - at least around adults - and my parents would feel palpably self-righteously justified in doing so every time another adult would gush about it.

But all it did was give us a terrible relationship with our parents in the end, and of all of my siblings, the only one who has any connection to them to speak of is the one they punished least. The one they punished most, my older brother, never sees them and doesn't care to. I still find it impossible to think of them as friends or fellow grownups and not just authority figures. We didn't "ma'am, sir, please and thank you" because my parents had taught us respect, we did it because they taught us fear. And when the fear is gone, only contempt remains.

Because you see, people - including parents - are flawed, and make mistakes. Sometimes when they hit us, they were wrong even by their own standards (e.g. we didn't do what they thought we did/accused us of doing, what they said was "dangerous" really wasn't, the friends they approved of were secret assholes and the ones we were forbidden to see because they weren't Christian/drank/etc. were actually wonderful people, etc.) which means you're hauling off on your kid for no reason. You're using physical violence against a child for no reason. That's abhorrent. Maybe I would have forgiven them if I'd been sent to my room or had a toy taken away because my brother misbehaved but my parents pinned it on me or something, but getting spanked or slapped or threatened? Never.

Not anecdata: the research on corporal punishment has been out there for a long time now for anyone to read. It's awful for children. Doing it anyway because you can't be assed with a more effective corrective method that requires a modicum of thought or patience makes you an awful parent, and not a terribly good person, either.