[ SECRET POST #2841 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2841 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 039 secrets from Secret Submission Post #406.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

how do you feel about this? do you ever hit your kids? do you think it's necessary? were you ever hit as a kid? how do you feel about it? did it work for you? did it mess you up? did it straighten you out?

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

My position is Don't Hit Kids. Hitting kids is not really good or useful. If your parents hit you, that doesn't mean they are bad people but they probably shouldn't have done it and I hope you don't. Well, that's my opinion on hitting kids, hope you liked it.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

I was spanked as child and if I ever have kids I'm spanking them. It's when it's excessive that I've got an issue.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

Absolutely do not hit kids. Studies show that even spanking is an ineffective punishment and no leading psychological agency recommends it (the opposite, in fact), and frankly it teaches kids that violence is an okay response to frustration. No reason to ever, ever, EVER hit your kids.

A much better method of punishment is assigning extra chores. Teaching the value of making amends by contributing to the household/society.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

My brother and I both distinctly remember being spanked (our parents fervently deny it). Assuming we're right and they're wrong, that was long before it fell out of favor. I don't think it really had any lasting effect on my brother, but now that I think about it, it might have catalyzed my lifelong fear of punishment and being "bad" (hey, for a little kid, a smack is pretty painful, even outside the clothes as I'm pretty sure it was).

Re: hitting disobedient children

[kallanda_lee]

I do not have kids, but I'm not per definition against it.

Then again, perhaps this is one of the reasons I shouldn't have kids.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

I spank my sons, but I would never dream of hitting my daughter. The boys are a lot more out of control and I just couldn't be a parent to boys without having something to reign them in.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

If they ain't bleedin', you ain't hittin' hard enough. Only thing that will settle a wilful child is their blood.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

Kids are bad sometimes. Even kids that are good 99% of the time.

And a lot of the time they don't listen or they just don't understand what they did wrong enough to feel bad about it and need more than just a "That was wrong" to learn not to do that again. I don't condone hitting kids for every little thing, but once in a very long while when they've done something seriously wrong...yes, spanking or a quick rap that's more shocking than painful is justified. And if applied right; when the kid knows what they're being punished for. Then you should only need to do it once.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

I think that if guardians/parents can spank their kids without losing control (as in they're perfectly calm when they decide to and do it) and it's part of a regular, routine punishment, I don't see the problem with it. If they're calm, I'd imagine they're far less likely to use more force than they mean to.

However, I've helped raise a whole mess of kids and I've always been surprised at the fact that I never WANTED to hit a child and I never did. I got frustrated, all the time, but I never wanted to take it out on them.

My dad sometimes hit me, my siblings, and my mom so I thought that maybe that's part of me but it's really not. Even though it made me feel pretty insecure that my dad did that (flying off the handle), it didn't mess me up.

I can say with absolute certainty that you can keep a kid under control with other punishment so I don't think it's necessary.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[feotakahari]

As much as I argue for ends justifying the means, I simply can't stomach the idea of using physical force against someone so much smaller and weaker than you. I don't think I'm emotionally capable of defending it, any more than I would be capable of defending waterboarding.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

I won't. I find it disturbing that hitting an adult (to correct behavior or otherwise) is illegal, but hitting a child seems to be A-ok.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

Spanking children is the exact opposite thing to do if you want to "control unruly children." Spanking actually has a correlation with kids becoming MORE aggressive than kids who are punished with non-violent means. And that's not really a shocker, you're teaching your kid that violence is appropriate even for adults. The American Psychological Association is against spanking for this and numerous other reasons.

Frankly, I can't imagine why any rational parent would spank their kids - ignorance, I suppose. It's archaic and it does not work at best, at worst, it can negatively impact a child.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[xalus]

I'm not really leaning towards the whole "having kids" thing, so I figure I should just let parents figure this one out on their own.
I'm not exactly against some mild hitting. I remember getting spanked. It was effective, and I never felt any lasting anger about it. I mean, it was my fault, I knew the consequences and I continued with my bad behavior, so...

I believe my parents' justification was that in nature, like, dogs, for example, will nip at their young to let them know when they need to stop. But I can also see the argument for us not being dogs and totally being able to use words to express our dissatisfaction.

Bottom line, I'm not really sure, but I'm not personally worried too much either way.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

I was spanked as a kid. Very infrequently, but it did happen occasionally. All I remember is being scared spitless once when my sibling was getting one. We never got hit hard or on bare skin, so it wasn't particularly painful, but it was that daddy was angry, and that was a really shameful feeling and he had big damn hands. Still, I wouldn't want to do that to my (hypothetical-and-hihgly-unlikely-real) kids.

Direct consequences are the best. One friend, her daughter stole $20 out of her purse (peer pressure to go to the candy or CD store, as I understand), at a time when every penny went to bills or groceries. As her punishment, the daughter had to go through the grocery store's add paper and circle things she wanted that would add up to $20 and post it on the fridge as a reminder these were things she now couldn't have because she'd stolen.

Something like that it's pretty easy to figure out what the direct consequences are that you can use as discipline, but for things like cheating, getting in fights it's a little harder (for me). Totally behind the grounding w/ extra chores, losing privileges, etc.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

I don't want kids, but if I did, there's no way I would hit them. I wasn't hit as a kid and I don't understand how anyone finds it acceptable. Hitting another adult is considered assault, but if it's a kid it's okay? Bullshit. That's not even getting into the multiple studies showing all the mental and psychological damage it causes.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[philstar22]

I was spanked. My parents have said they regret it. I believe that hitting a child is wrong, regardless of the reason, and I also think that it is not actually an effective form of punishment. You just teach them to fear you, not to do the right thing.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

Hitting kids should be illegal. People who defend it because their parents did it to them need to step the fuck back and get over the fact that their parents made mistakes (I did). Nobody is accusing you of being damaged because you were hit as a kid. When you use it as an excuse to hit your own kids, that's when you become damaged.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

this quote by the author of Pippi Longstocking has always stuck in my mind:
"Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence. In 1978, I received a peace prize in West Germany for my books, and I gave an acceptance speech that I called just that: “Never Violence.” And in that speech I told a story from my own experience.

When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day, when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first in his life. She told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.

The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, “Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.”

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy into her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because if violence begins in the nursery one can raise children into violence."

Re: hitting disobedient children

[making_excuses]

If I ever hit my future children I would be breaking the law, and would be in danger of losing my children and rightly so. And yes spanking counts. Actually if I ever used any kind of violence on my kid, I would put myself in anger management and ask for help because clearly I need it.

So no I would never hit a kid, I would never hit another living thing*, and especially not one that can't defend themselves. And yes I judge people who do it, especially those who have access to all the information on why it is bad to physically punish children.

I was never hit as a kid, I was grounded, my parents yelled at me, they even at times held me still to make me listen (which did not help, it actually damaged me a bit), but they never ever hit me. I can barely think of any of my friends that have ever been hit by their parents. I think one of my friends mother slapped her once when she did something really bad, but that is pretty much the only thing I know of that someone in my generation (and country) was physically disciplined by a parent or guardian. I am not saying it does not happen, because it does, but as a society we are in agreement that physical discipline is not something you use.

*Except in self defence

Re: hitting disobedient children

[ariakas]

Anecdata: my parents hit us. They were fairly strict disciplinarians as well. As a result we were extremely well-behaved - at least around adults - and my parents would feel palpably self-righteously justified in doing so every time another adult would gush about it.

But all it did was give us a terrible relationship with our parents in the end, and of all of my siblings, the only one who has any connection to them to speak of is the one they punished least. The one they punished most, my older brother, never sees them and doesn't care to. I still find it impossible to think of them as friends or fellow grownups and not just authority figures. We didn't "ma'am, sir, please and thank you" because my parents had taught us respect, we did it because they taught us fear. And when the fear is gone, only contempt remains.

Because you see, people - including parents - are flawed, and make mistakes. Sometimes when they hit us, they were wrong even by their own standards (e.g. we didn't do what they thought we did/accused us of doing, what they said was "dangerous" really wasn't, the friends they approved of were secret assholes and the ones we were forbidden to see because they weren't Christian/drank/etc. were actually wonderful people, etc.) which means you're hauling off on your kid for no reason. You're using physical violence against a child for no reason. That's abhorrent. Maybe I would have forgiven them if I'd been sent to my room or had a toy taken away because my brother misbehaved but my parents pinned it on me or something, but getting spanked or slapped or threatened? Never.

Not anecdata: the research on corporal punishment has been out there for a long time now for anyone to read. It's awful for children. Doing it anyway because you can't be assed with a more effective corrective method that requires a modicum of thought or patience makes you an awful parent, and not a terribly good person, either.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[tasogare_n_hime]

I was only spanked twice as a child that I can recall, my brother more often but not very much. I can say it never had the intended affect, especially not on my brother. We never stopped the behavior that had earned us the spanking, we just got better at hiding it. It was something our parents did out of anger, frustration, and after at least one time I can remember accidentally scared the shit out of my dad. From personal experience I honestly do not think it is really effective as a punishment.

I don't have children of my own, so I can't say what I would do in that situation, and I can't say anything about other people's kids because I don't know shit about them either.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[the_missing_y]

Never hit kids
^{where it will show}

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

The hardest part when you're a kid is seeing anger in your parent's eyes. But at least parents who hit their kids care. I don't know what's worse, hitting or ignoring.

Re: hitting disobedient children

[(Anonymous)]

I grew up in the South in a black household, so I got my little ass tore out the frame and I deserved it. But thing is, my parents did talk to me and did tell me when I was being a shit and was about to get into some real trouble. I didn't listen and as my mom would tell me 'a hard head makes a soft butt.'

would i spank my kids? sure, but I'd give them the opportunity to fix themselves before I did.