Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2014-10-13 07:03 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2014-10-13 07:03 pm
[ SECRET POST #2841 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2841 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 039 secrets from Secret Submission Post #406.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: hitting disobedient children
(Anonymous) 2014-10-13 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)And a lot of the time they don't listen or they just don't understand what they did wrong enough to feel bad about it and need more than just a "That was wrong" to learn not to do that again. I don't condone hitting kids for every little thing, but once in a very long while when they've done something seriously wrong...yes, spanking or a quick rap that's more shocking than painful is justified. And if applied right; when the kid knows what they're being punished for. Then you should only need to do it once.
Re: hitting disobedient children
(Anonymous) 2014-10-13 11:58 pm (UTC)(link)Re: hitting disobedient children
All it does is teach the child not to repeat the behaviour in front of you, or where you can find out. And it also teaches them to use violence to solve their own problems with other people's behaviour.
The kid already knows you're bigger than they are and can hurt them if you want to. What does corporal punishment establish that some other means of discipline can't?
Re: hitting disobedient children
For fucking real.
Re: hitting disobedient children
(Anonymous) 2014-10-14 01:16 am (UTC)(link)I can only explain finding hitting a kid acceptable in the same context of how it was used in by my parents: A spanking can be a way to motivate them not to do the bad behavior until they do understand it's wrong or just get in the habit of thinking it's wrong.
Like in the above scenario: I don't mean this to be something done every day for things like if they won't drink their milk or are just sassing back or throwing a temper tantrum in a store because you won't buy them some gum. I mean if they're doing something really wrong - grabbing their sister by the hair and bashing her face into a wall or hefting and threatening to throw a heavy glass ashtray in someone's face. Spanking should be a last-ditch nuclear warhead sort of punishment. Even good kids can have a rare moment of inconsolable rage because they can't express themselves properly. It happens, and saying "Bad" or putting them in a corner isn't enough to stop it or get the point across that it's wrong.
Plus, you don't need to draw way back and lay into it so your arm hurts for 30 smacks to make the point the way a lot of anti-spanking people portray spanking. 2-3 of the same force you'd use to slap yourself a little more awake in the morning is fine. The point is to have a physical action to shock them out of the rage and to act as reinforcement of the words you'll say to explain why what they did was wrong.
And even more important: I mean spanking is appropriate for kids who are generally really good and this is a one-off occurrence where the kid is out of control angry and at an age where they still don't entirely compute the difference between a bashing around a teddy bear out of frustration and really harming another person. A couple light spanks and a long talk involving "see things like that hurt" and appropriate outlets and ways to cope with anger. Spanking alone would never work. It needs to be used along with other techniques.
If the kids have long-lasting anger issues and do that sort of thing regularly, or are of an age where they should be able to understand it's wrong, then spanking isn't appropriate at all and won't do anything to correct behavior.
Re: hitting disobedient children
(Anonymous) 2014-10-14 07:25 am (UTC)(link)Hitting them doesn't equate here.
Here's a better method. Kid hits his sister - immediately send kid to room, kid can't come out until parents decide he's "calmed down" and is ready to process. Kid doesn't like it because he's waiting for a lecture and can't play, and knows parents are going to have words with him, but it's non-violent. And it does give the kid a chance to calm down and get away from the household while he's out of control. Next, parents process with the kid. Make the kid first recite what happened from his point of view, and what he think happened from his sister's point of view - empathy practice. Then of course parents discuss why it's unacceptable behavior, always followed up with what the kid will do when his sister is making him mad next time, what acceptable behavior might be (e.x. get an adult, go play somewhere else, etc). After that, "make amends" - what can you contribute to make it better. First, an apology, and then retribution in the form of chores. Vacuum the living room, sweep the kitchen, something like that.
Whole process is non-violent, and not fun for the kid - but teaches them the correct way to confront frustration.
Seriously, this is the method I'm trained to use, actually, I work with kids in a group home who all have behavioral problems. It's the general method our agency condones, and it works.