[ SECRET POST #2860 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2860 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[(Anonymous)]

Okay I don't have time to write a big long post, but: I think there's different questions going on here. One the one hand, there's the question of what is going to resolve the conflict and deal with the person as effectively as possible. On the other hand, there's the question of your feelings and your anger, demand for recognition, etc and how those get expressed.

And the point I want to make is just that those are two different, separate things. Not that either of them is invalid, just that they're different. So if you're trying to talk about the effectiveness of an action, or whether ignoring someone works, that's different than talking about how it makes you feel and whether you feel the need to defend yourself. And, again, neither of those urges is inherently bad, I think it's just important to recognize that difference.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[dreemyweird]

That is very true.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[diet_poison]

To me those things are similar. I can "deal with it" by walking away, and the conflict will (probalby) stop, but it doesn't actually resolve it for me. It's still there. it that makes sense.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[(Anonymous)]

Mmm. No, that totally makes sense, and it's totally fair.

What I would say, then, is that in that case, just ignoring it is not actually a satisfactory resolution. Because it doesn't deal with your side of things, because it's still there for you, walking away won't work. So, in that sense, the answer to your original question would be that 'just ignore it' clearly doesn't work.

But that doesn't mean that giving in to it and going to argue and fight back and snipe back is the answer, either. That's more my point, I guess. If your only choices are 'try to resolve it by ignoring it' or 'get into a knock-down drag-out', I don't think either of those are going to be effective, because neither one really addresses everything that's going on. So I would say try to see if there's other ways of dealing with the situation, or ways of expressing your anger and frustration that don't reignite the flames. See whether there's choices that can make that do express your anger but that don't give in to your sister's desire to have an argument and that try to resolve the issues more actively, if that's possible.

I will say this. There's one sense in which I do think 'just ignore them' makes sense, and that's a case where the same issues just keep coming up over and over and over again and the same fights keep happening over and over and over again. And to me, that's a situation where it is a valid response, not so much to ignore them, but to just limit your interactions with them as much as possible. To just stop even getting into it in the first place. Now, obviously, there's a lot of times where that's not possible - if it's somebody you live with, if it's someone who's part of your community, if it's someone who's part of your family, whatever. But I mention it just because that's the only time that actually 'just ignoring someone' even remotely makes sense to me.