[ SECRET POST #2860 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2860 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[nayance]

No, never. It just lets the person get away with it, and lets them know they can continue to be a little shit, they will. People expect you to just slink off because it's apparently in bad taste to confront people because it's 'making a scene' or whatever, but if you don't tell people where to go, they won't stop.

There are situations where you need to walk away and remove yourself, but that isn't ignoring the behavior; it's saying that you aren't going to allow yourself to be treated in that manner, and stopping it. So long as you don't go about pretending that things are fine afterwards, it's not 'ignoring it'.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[(Anonymous)]

IDK, I think in some cases you can very pointedly ignore people being a shit, and it sends the message that they're not even a gnat worth the energy of brushing them off.

I'm thinking of something like this:

Them: blahblahblah

You (to someone else in the room): Do we have any of the ham left for sandwiches tomorrow or should I put it on the grocery list?

Them: blahblahblah

You (to the same person): Also I think we just ran out of shampoo.

Them: blahblahblah DON'T TREAT ME LIKE I'M NOT EVEN HERE!!!

You: And I think this is the night we turn the clocks back, right?

lather, rinse, repeat

(confession: my mom used to do this to me when I was really bent out of shape about something and it drove me absolutely apeshit.)

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[nayance]

I guess if it's like a one-time thing it's more likely to work, but if it's a long-running pattern of behavior you have to confront it.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[(Anonymous)]

And if it's a preteen sibling being a sarcastic little snot, it's probably a long-running pattern of behavior...

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[diet_poison]

if you're talking about my sis, she's 17. and this behavior isn't actually that common with her (I deal with it much more from my brother) - I guess it was just an off day.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[diet_poison]

this sounds kinda bratty, but it depends on what the "blahblahblah" is I guess.

it's not the sort of thing I'm used to dealing with though. I'm used to one snarky snipe and then avoidance - they'd rather say something that upsets me and then run off instead of owning up to it.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for reminding me to turn the clocks back!

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[diet_poison]

People expect you to just slink off because it's apparently in bad taste to confront people because it's 'making a scene' or whatever

yeah, that's pretty much what my parents say/think

but then, I'm pretty conflict-tolerant (? for lack of a better term) and I'd always rather confront something than let it fester. Pretty much everyone in my family (with the probable exception of my brother) is to some degree more conflict-avoidant than me.

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[nayance]

I wish I could give some sort of solid advice. My parents were pretty much the same when it came to each other, and also thought that anyone having a differing opinion from one of them was just making things difficult, so obviously they were thrilled with two kids running about.

The thing I could advise in this situation wouldn't be to ignore it as in, pretending that things were completely all right and that all was fine and dandy, but to remove yourself from the situation and to not engage, and then be distant and removed towards her until she apologized or stopped doing it. That way you aren't saying that it's all right, and showing that there are consequences, but you won't have to git shit about 'starting shit'. You might get accused of holding a grudge, but honestly there's no way to win in such a situation.