[ SECRET POST #2860 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2860 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.
















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[elialshadowpine]

I'm coming in late, because I've been busy with Nano and RL >_> but I had this open to reply to. I'm going to chime in with the "no, don't ignore it" -- but I think I'd a few things I haven't seen mentioned. One, it sounds like your sister wasn't trying to do it to get a rise; it sounds like she was still upset about the argument and being passive aggressive. In this case, I probably would ignore it -- and in a day or two, when emotions had time to settle, talk to her about it when things would hopefully be more calm. That is, if it's something that's still bothering you. But, this is the conflict resolution side (especially since you mentioned in the thread this is unusual behavior for your sister).

There are definitely times where it's appropriate to hold your ground, but -- and I admit, being autistic, I have to take some time to think about things, even if they're thought about at lightning-speed in my head, before I actually say anything -- I try to ask myself if this is something worth fighting about. I also try to ask myself what outcome I want, and how best to get that outcome. Sometimes, what's been said is nasty enough that yeah, I'll get into a full-blown argument. Sometimes, the other person is just having a bad day and is in a bad mood; if it's out of the ordinary for that person, I'll try to give them space, and then talk to them about it later. Rarely do conflicts get resolved when emotions are running high.

But, that's me, and that's also fundamentally different from wanting to "win". Which, I think everyone wants to win, really. But sometimes the question is, which is more important, winning, or resolving the conflict? That's an important question to ask on a case by case basis. There are some things that I won't back down until I've "won" on (or until I've hit the point I've decided the person is no longer worth engaging with; ie, feminism-related topics are a good example of this), but there are other things that my relationship with the person is more important than "winning". This is completely individual and personal.

I think, though, that feeling like you need to "win" all the time is something that probably should be worked on, because that's not a healthy way of interacting with people and it rarely resolves conflicts. That kind of attitude, taken to an extreme, or done repeatedly, can lead to broken friendships and relationships. I've been in relationships with people who had to "win" all the time, when I just wanted to resolve the conflict (and sometimes, all that I wanted for resolution was to have my feelings acknowledged and validated; that's a very, very important thing for me, regardless of the overall outcome) and move on. Now, from what I've seen of you here, I doubt you're taking it to extremes, but it is something that I would personally try to remain aware of.

Hope this is helpful! *hugs*

Re: does "just ignore it" work for most people?

[diet_poison]

There are some things that I won't back down until I've "won" on (or until I've hit the point I've decided the person is no longer worth engaging with; ie, feminism-related topics are a good example of this)

haha are you me.

No, but seriously, this comment is wise, and thank you for taking the time to write it out. :) *hugs back*