fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2861 ]

[ SECRET POST #2861 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2861 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 052 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But why would you let something bother you that so clearly doesn't have to?

OP doesn't need to change archives, or the hivemind of fanfictionland. They need to change their perspective. They'd be much happier, and I'd wager nicer to be around, than they seem right now.

AYRT

I'm actually OP. Sorry for the confusion.

I don't think we really have control over what bothers us, just what we do about it. And I don't think it's wrong to admit to the thoughts we have when we're feeling especially bothered or frustrated.

I can see what you're saying, but at the end of the day, it's not something that could ever happen anyway, and fandom is a very small part of my life. It doesn't have that much effect on my overall happiness.

Then maybe stop saying things like "And it's because of people like you that it's gotten shitty" when someone holds a view divergent of yours. Because that is both controlling and judgemental. That's not just thoughts you have when you're frustrated, and frankly neither is your secret. It's trying, however futilely, to control other people rather than control yourself.

Because honestly? You sound way too overinvested in something you claim doesn't have that much effect on your happiness.

AYRT

I can see your point on that comment and how it was ill-advised. But I have to wonder, based on how your comments come across and how many comments on this comm come across. There are a lot of things that people say here that are probably coming from a place of frustration, and a lot that are coming from a place of...gleeful id? I don't know how else to explain it. People can say very inflammatory and rude things here, but I don't think that they're actually all that invested in what happens here or in the subject at hand. I also don't think they're actually trying to control anyone (although they are judging. We all do. You're judging me, and have been all along. The reason you don't think you're being judgmental is because you think you're in the right).

Anonymous comms are places where people share their unfiltered thoughts, and a lot of those thoughts aren't very nice or very friendly. I don't think having them means that people are unhappy overall or overinvested in certain things.

But, do you think it's a problem when people express those thoughts? Should they keep them to themselves even in a place like this?

I'm judging your opinion (your original secret), and your responses (the comments you've made to others), which are the only things I have to go on and the only things you present. I don't know you, therefore cannot judge you.

You, however, based on your opinion and responses, are judging an entire swathe of people based on their taste. Or, more accurately, based on the fact that they prefer something different to you. And yes, I do think that's a pretty problematic thing to express, anon or not.

AYRT

It comes across pretty hard that you're judging me as a person, especially considering you said that I'd be happier and nicer if I changed to suit you.

DA

Except no one said that. Suggesting a change of perspective on one single issue =/= judging you as a person. You're the one inferring that.

Reread your posts: to an objective and impartial stranger, do you think your tone or words convey either happy or nice?

It really sounds like you're having a hard time differentiating between having your opinions judged and/or challenged -- which is 100% valid -- and being judged yourself. If that's the case I feel for you, but forums like this may not be the best place for you.

"They'd be much happier, and I'd wager nicer to be around, than they seem right now."

seem
intransitive verb \ˈsēm\

: to appear to be something or to do something : to have a quality, appearance, etc., that shows or suggests a particular characteristic, feeling, etc.

—used with it to make a statement about what appears to be true based on what is known

Full Definition of SEEM

1 : to appear to the observation or understanding
2 : to give the impression of being

If you realize it's "ill-advised" maybe go apologize to the poster you said it to. Otherwise I'm gonna take that as a much more accurate reflection of you and your views than this pseudobabble.

AYRT

The fact you think anyone has the right to demand an apology of anyone else says a lot about you -- or at least, I'd think that if I thought I actually had the ability to judge anonymous people on the internet based on their anonymous comments on the internet.

nayrt

idk, it's not really that different irl

people still judge on the pettiest things and i'd say very few people have the insight into another person's life to harshly judge their life choices

it seems weird that you're drawing the line online when irl doesn't give much insight either

i mean, you probably hate the chick who cut infront of you that one time, but do you really know her

this is probably dimb sorry

AYRT

No, it's not dumb at all. I think it gets to what I'm saying which is that we judge based on very limited information, but then we try to act like we're better because we think we judge less frequently than someone else, or that our judgments are based on more information. But really, we make snap judgments that are unfair most of the time.

I'm being accused of judging while others are judging me (and judging other people here, and judging people in their own lives). Mostly, I just hate the "judgmental" accusation because it's very rare that the person throwing it isn't being a massive hypocrite, and because so many people don't want to admit that being judgmental is part of being human.

You judged people for liking a certain kind of fic, and the way you're dealing with it comes across as very mean-spirited. People are judging you for being rude, and for expecting people to put time and effort into conforming to your wants while saying things like "I don't want to see it."

This.

I love the way OP's somehow twisted their "take shipping fic somewhere I don't have to look at it because I say so" idiocy into "Nooo, everyone's judging meeeee, how horrid!"

WTF did they expect?

AYRT

The fact that you read demand into "maybe" says a whole lot about how defensive you are.

That fact that all these facts are facting is factual.

Why should they apologize to that poster? That poster was being just as big of a dick.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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