[ SECRET POST #2862 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2862 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #409.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random textless image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

possible trigger for self-hate talk or idk just being careful.

[(Anonymous)]

i am the dumbest person ever to set foot in my school.
when i say something in class, and nobody responds, i feel stupid.
when i give a presentation and trip over my words and don't sound like a scholar like all my classmates do, i feel stupid.
when i say something, and someone else disagrees, and makes a better point than i can, i feel stupid.
when i step out of class to catch my breath because i'm starting to panic about feeling stupid, i feel even dumber. none of my classmates ever step out. never.
they never have trouble sitting through a class, doing exactly what everyone else is doing.
speaking up and sounding smart, not keeping quiet and then sounding stupid whenever they open their mouths.
sitting front and center, not huddled awkwardly in the corner because they can't stand the feeling of being surrounded.
i'm nothing but a pathetic waste of oxygen who can't even pretend to belong.
not in school, not in this world.
i hate myself.
i am stupid.

[(Anonymous)]

This feels like a poem...a spoken word poem.

You may feel stupid, OP, but this is actually clever.

[(Anonymous)]

Something like saying something in class and having nobody respond doesn't mean you're a waste of space. Maybe they can't think of anything to say.

This sounds like an anxiety disorder. Have you tried seeing a therapist or doctor about this?

[(Anonymous)]

turn that frown upside down

and get some vitamin d

and maybe visit the school counselor

[(Anonymous)]

You're not a waste. You're absolutely smart enough to be there. You were smart enough to get there, you're smart enough to belong there
And, however confident they sound, I damn well guarantee there's other people in your classes who are anxious and uncertain.

It's okay to be anxious and nervous (although it's all something you could consider seeing a therapist or something about). But being anxious and unconfident has absolutely nothing to do with how smart you actually are.

[(Anonymous)]

I felt like that a lot when I was younger. I think many people do, but they're too busy quietly freaking out that they don't realize that 1) it's not as obvious as you think and 2) everyone else is too busy trying to manage their own anxieties and probably think YOU'RE the calm one.

But yes, I think it's time to talk with your parents and/or school counselor about this. Anxiety and feeling dumb is a regrettably inevitable part of growing up, but in your case, it's truly upsetting and needs to be dealt with. Please talk to someone. I promise you, it's not as bad as it seems even though it's hard to see things any other way right now.

[iceyred]

If you feel you're not understanding the material and that makes you feel stupid, have you looked into being tutored?

Secondly, I can guarantee you there are several kids in your classes who feel just like you do. The feeling of not-belonging and not knowing what you're doing is more common than you realize.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who works for a tutoring company, I second the motion. Seriously. Ignore all the silly stigmas.

[iceyred]

I never knew there was a stigma to tutoring, except in the heads of people who were A. failing and too dim to care, or B. asshole smart kids who needed a punch in the nose. Nobody else cared, probably because they all had problems with one subject or another.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, tutoring is pretty common in my country as well - our school even had an internal tutoring exchange where older students tutored younger ones in exchange for extra credit. It was a nice way of getting out of doing presentations, haha.

[kallanda_lee]

Okay, here's the thing.

I read what you just wrote...and you do not come across as stupid. For one, you manage to articulate how you feel quite well.

The bad news is that if you have low self-worth no-one can magically fix it for you.

The good news is that it often is irrational and you can, over time, come to acknowledge that.

A few things that might help, though.

- School is not life, OP. It's an odd little biotope, and every one of them is different, but they do tend to have one thing in common - they usually have very little to do with your life after. In a few years, this will all be an unpleasant memory.

- Just because people act like they know what they're doing, like it comes naturally - doesn't mean they do. They might, like you, be insecure and try to go with the flow.

- Being different from the group might sound awful in high school, but later in life hat is the very quality that will enrich it, that might you make achieve things. Many great people were misfits in high school - funny thing is, fast forward 10 or 20 years, they might have their shit together more than the popular kids.

In other words - hang in there. There's a whole world out there beyond school. Things DO get better - if only because you gain independence by maturing.

[(Anonymous)]

Adding to your point, it's often the same thing with college too.

[kallanda_lee]

Yes, while often it's better because you chose the subject and people are a bit more mature - the "biotope" thing is just as much true for college.

[(Anonymous)]

This sounds like me. I have an anxiety disorder.

[xalus]

Shhhh. You're not stupid. It sounds like it's just your anxiety talking. I'm sure you say lots of charming, intelligent things along with some of the awkward mistakes like the normal human being you are, but your brain likes to focus too much on the bad. And I guarantee you nobody remembers your mistakes as well as you do. Trust me, no one's half as awkward as they think they are.

[(Anonymous)]

Feeling stupid and being stupid are two different things.

It may feel like your classmates have a head start, but that's not necessarily true, and it's no indication they'll be doctors and lawyers while you're floundering at the job hunt.

Thinking you sound stupid and your classmates sound smart in class is all perception. "Sounding like a scholar" doesn't mean much IMO. You can make a good point without digging into the Oxford dictionary. I think it's more important that you comprehend the material first, and not get distracted by all the fancy words (of course, if you can use fancy words, there's nothing wrong with that either).

And if the subject doesn't really interest you to begin with, it might not be as easy to follow. I remember struggling with Reading and English for so long, mostly because I found such subjects boring, and I hated writing essays with stupid words I barely understood well enough to use in a sentence. (You want to know something? It wasn't until I got into fanfiction that I *got* it, that I understood how important the different parts of a story were. And it got me more interested in reading -- actually reading published fiction -- than anything else in my life.)

You're not stupid. Maybe you lack interest in a certain subject, maybe you're anxious, maybe you don't like unnecessary conflict. But you're certainly not stupid. And you're definitely not a waste.

[(Anonymous)]

Why hello there, LJSecret post. I wasn't expecting to see you here.

[(Anonymous)]

Well if you hate yourself and your that stupid and everybody else hates you, then go ahead and kill yourself. Apparently, nobody will miss you.

nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

Whether you're (badly) attempting reverse psychology or just being cruel, you need to stop, because right now you're being a complete piece of shit. You should never wish death upon anyone, especially on anyone trying to cope with life, not even sarcastically.