[ SECRET POST #2867 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2867 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #410.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[nyxelestia]

From both a former bully and former bullying victim, I concur.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd count it a minor miracle if people would get over the idea that every time someone in middle school was mean to them it meant they were being bullied. Sometimes people are just dicks to each other, but actual bullying is at a different level.

[nyxelestia]

The way I differentiate is a.) power differential and b.) sustainment.

The power differential doesn't have to be formal - i.e. if you're dealing with two students in the same class or grade level, one having no friends and the other being popular can definitely be a severe and important social power imbalance. Basically, is the victim in a position where they are legitimately prevented by external forces* from protecting themselves or ending the bullying?

* = I emphasize the external forces thing because as much as I an empathize with feeling paralyzed or so afraid that you're unable to speak, human beings are not mind readers, and not everyone knows what those things even look like, let alone how to spot them when you aren't actually expecting them

The other thing is how long it lasts. If someone trying to hurt me in passing is very different from someone trying to do that repeatedly over a long period of time. It's still a bad thing, but that doesn't mean it's bullying.

Not every instance of miscommunication, tactlessness, or outright dickishness is automatically bullying. I fucking hate how it gets overused specifically because I hate how the overusage devalues the meaning of the word over time. Goddamnit, we have enough actual bullying problems in the world, let's not add on more or create mountains out of molehills, here.

/rant

[ketita]

I think some of the same 'devaluing' issue is happening with abuse, too. It's gotten to the point where almost any instance of a character being at all violent (even as a one-off)(even in series full of violence) or the least bit not nice is pointed at as 'abuse'.

[nyxelestia]

I'm not going to lie, I don't even take 'abuse' or 'bullying' warnings on Tumblr or most fanfics seriously, these days, because apparently everything other than 100% supportiveness and niceness is abuse or bullying. It's creating a vicious cycle, too, where people can't handle mild insult or constructive criticism because they've been raised to interpret those things as abusive behaviors all their lives.

[ketita]

It's true. While I get that not everybody wants concrit, I've noticed people getting really defensive over anything that remotely sounds like criticism, or like you say, freaking out over even mild insults.
Bullying and abuse are both serious issues, and they definitely need awareness and systems to take care of them.
But sometimes I see this posts about how "oh my parents are mistreating me so bad" and I just... it's not remotely mistreatment.
Sometimes people just need to grow a thicker skin.

[nyxelestia]

I just gave up after a saw a Tumblr post with someone complaining about the mistreatment from their parents because their Internet access and time was cut down due to bad grades. -_-

[ketita]

I've seen posts how because parents don't take interest in the kid's fandom (like, squeeing over whatever character's perfection)or want to listen to them talk about it endlessly they're mistreating them.

[nyxelestia]

...

*headdesk*