fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2874 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2874 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's been placed in palliative care. He'll probably die sometime today.

The good thing is I got to talk to him yesterday. He was conscious then. He couldn't talk back - just gibberish - but he could understand what other people were saying. So I got to say goodbye and talk about memories I had of him. I even made him laugh.

I'm still not really very sad, which is weird. Once I fly up to the funeral, I'll probably be a complete mess, though.

That's awful, anon. I'm sorry.

Could be you've already accepted his death or are just numb for the moment. At least you were able to share some good memories with him.

You're doing just fine.

The process of losing a loved one doesn't come with a mandate that says you have to experience any specific emotion. It's fine not to feel much of anything, and often people have periods of time where any emotional processing seems difficult or impossible. It doesn't make you a bad person or any less empathetic to process loss or grief in your own way, even if that way is not especially traumatic or fraught with emotional pain.

I know very well that it can sometimes be a bit of a relief when someone dies, especially if there was a drawn-out illness or gradual decline. It's perfectly normal and okay to feel that as well.

Don't pressure yourself or feel guilty if you don't immediately (or even eventually) react intensely to this. Let it come as it comes.

Pay attention to what others around you are feeling if you like, but how they react doesn't make your own reaction wrong or bad if it differs from theirs.

NAYRT

Thank you for writing this. I'm still struggling with the loss of someone almost a year ago and my emotions now and at the time, and this actually kind of helps.

I'm sorry for your loss and your troubles. There is no wrong way to grieve. Don't beat yourself up for it.

I'm sorry. It's good you got some closure (I imagine not being able to say goodbye to someone you love is one of the most difficult things you can go through), but that doesn't make it better.

It's okay if you don't feel one way or another, though. People experience loss differently, and it might not have even hit you yet. Whatever happens, don't let it make you feel like less of a person.

I wish you and your family the best.

thanks for your replies, guys, it means a lot to me. i've been lurking here for a long time, no named account, but most of you are pretty awesome.

we didn't get to see them too much (maybe once or twice a year) since we live so far away, which probably distances me from it. also, he's up there, while my mum's up there. and he was her father, so of course it's hit her harder.

still, he was a good grandfather. (probably my only grandfather, tbh. the other one's a selfish old bastard.)

It's good you got to see him, anon. If you don't mind some advice from someone who's lost relatives like this, let yourself grieve however you need to and don't hold yourself to any schedule of expectations on how to feel. It might hit you at an odd time, you might not feel sad when you think you ought to, and that's fine. People deal with grief and loss in really unexpected, unpredictable ways.

I'm so sorry, anon. I'm glad you were able to talk to him and have those last moments, as hard as it might have been. I wasn't able to be there before my favorite grandmother passed (and couldn't even make it for the funeral because money) and that's something that's always made me sad.

As far as grieving -- everyone grieves in their own way. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. There's only what is right for you. *hugs offered*

I'm so sorry, anon. At least you got to say goodbye, though. You're not obligated to feel anything - it will come when you're ready. My condolences and well-wishes to you and yours.

[ SECRET POST #2874 ]

anon from the other day w/ ill grandfather

Re: anon from the other day w/ ill grandfather

Some advice from someone who regularly deals with grief

Re: Some advice from someone who regularly deals with grief

Re: Some advice from someone who regularly deals with grief

Re: anon from the other day w/ ill grandfather

Re: anon from the other day w/ ill grandfather

Re: anon from the other day w/ ill grandfather

Re: anon from the other day w/ ill grandfather

Re: anon from the other day w/ ill grandfather