fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2875 ]

[ SECRET POST #2875 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2875 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 063 secrets from Secret Submission Post #411.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

OCD carries a frighteningly large amount of stupidity and melodrama, unfortunately. I could've sworn I mentioned in the secret that that was entirely why it was, you know, a secret, but maybe my hand slipped.

Whatever you think of my diagnosis, I am in therapy for it, so if it is just simple stupidity and melodrama, hopefully my therapist's bizarre practice of referring to it as OCD won't stop her from helping me to deal with it. In any case, I'm sure we can both agree that it's ridiculous and better off not existing.

...Sorry, I know I'm being obnoxious, but dude? OCD can actually do this shit, and it sucks. It sucks worse precisely because it is such an overreaction; an overreaction I can't stop having. That's what makes it a mental illness.

Thank you for your time.

Sorry, I just realized I gave you no reason to actually believe me outside of my word and vague symptom descriptions that mean next to nothing, and I'm in a talkative mood. And I don't know if the subject heading is more obnoxious or pretentious, but I'm keeping it.

OCD is an anxiety disorder. In my case, my anxiety is over not being a good person. Or, more specifically, possibly hurting someone from not being a good person. That translates to an obsession with being a good person. From there, any opinions in my head that might hurt people (might be bad) are a problem.

That's where it gets... well, crazy. I identify with Elsa. Okay, dandy. I don't identify as much with Anna. Okay, also dandy. Except real, live human beings are getting annoyed (hurt--shh, it's a broad definition) because people sympathize more with Elsa. I am one of the people in that category. I'm hurting people by being in that category. I need to sympathize more with Anna.

Only it doesn't work that way, right? Because my sympathies are just my opinion. It's that simple, and I can't force that to change.

And that just makes me a worse person, because I'm not letting go of an opinion that hurts (irritates) people. Which is insane, but that's sort of the point.

So that's the obsession part.

My compulsions are mental. Cleaning a counter of germs you're afraid of happens with scrubbing. Cleaning your soul doesn't necessarily involve such a physical expression.

Instead, I go over the situation again and again. Instead of having an opinion, it turns into finding reasons why my opinion is right--or wrong. It turns into hours upon hours of going over what each character experienced and figuring out which one deserves more sympathy, because even if my ending conclusion hurts people, if it's the right one, it will simply be correct, and if it's correct, I won't have the opinion because I'm a bad person, it will just be a solid fact for me to cling to.

Me considering myself a monster is the anxiety talking. The compulsions keep the anxiety alive. The disorder is that my brain's reaction to seeing how off-the-rails nuts this response is isn't to let it die in a ditch.

Unfortunately, my brain doesn't care that the trigger is fictional. There's still me having a possibly unjust opinion, and that sends me into the deep end.

I think that covers how I've come to consider the stupidity and melodrama of the original secret a byproduct of my mental illness instead of a byproduct of me being stupid and melodramatic. Or I hope it does.

This probably just looks more melodramatic, come to think of it. Oh well. Sorry to talk your ear off, I just see so many comments on what OCD doesn't do that I wanted to take advantage of an opportunity to talk about what it does do.

Again, thank you for your time.

As someone who has OCD of the obsessive thoughts (and consequent anxiety/self-loathing) variety, I can empathize with this greatly. I think people have this misconception that OCD = clean freak or routine freak, while being completely unaware of the mental side of it :/

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2875 ]

OP

Re: OP: OP Again: OCD 101

Re: OP: OP Again: OCD 101