fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2884 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2884 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What do you consider as losing your virginity? Oral sex? Only penetration?

If one person does something to the other to get them off. Oral, anal, vaginal, fingering...whatever qualifies as sex. Wouldn't count sticking strictly to toys, though, since that lacks the certain "personal touch".

Vaginal pentration, no items, with fox, final destination only.

lmao excellent comment

I would count it as did the virgin at some point lose their pants and they had an assist to getting off?

direct contact with the naughty bits and sexual pleasure happenings

or something

Probably directly handling someone's genitals with the intent of getting them off, so hands, mouth, your genitals, whatever, but I realize that a lot of straight people don't use that definition. Its a weird, nebulous, practically meaningless concept anyway.

I don't believe that it can be lost. It's always lingering over your shoulder, whispering in your ear. When you die it just floats above your body, or if you get cremated, it disperses into a million tiny virginities, one for each ash. So yeah, that's basically what ghosts are.

Best comment.

Lmao

Anything involving two or more people who are getting each other off. Meaning hands on genitals, mouth on genitals, or genitals on genitals.

I don't agree that only penetration counts. If that were true, I and plenty of other lesbians that don't want penetration would be virgins. Oral sex is extremely intimate, so I really don't consider a straight person a virgin if they've had oral.

Vaginal/anal penetration when done by another person. Oral sex is obvs sexual, but on its own doesn't count as "having sex".

And yet it's called oral SEX. Are you not "having oral sex"?

I don't think using a mouth makes it NOT sex.

ayrt

I think of it as like something leading up to sex, because the way I see it sex is linked to actual penetration. Hence it's still a sexual act, but not "going all the way," as lame as that sounds. Someone could be experienced in that area but still a technical virgin.

Also I think of it as "performing/giving oral sex," not "having," so the language used probably affects how I view it too?

Defining virginity is kind of impossible to begin with really. I'm not at all attempting to establish a definition or saying everyone else should feel the way I do, but that it's just how I view it for whatever reason.

Your argument still makes no sense. A penis penetrates mouths. Tongues penetrate vaginas. Not to mention it's extremely heteronormative thinking. Not every gay guy wants anal and not every lesbian is comfortable having a dildo go up her vagina.

I was using "penetrate" in the sense of an act that actually requires some degree of force for the entrance to happen to begin with, which is why I specified "vaginal/anal" in my first post. So I actually would consider "tongue in vagina" as sex, but not "penis in mouth."

At the same time, my views aren't really an all-or-nothing thing either. I think number of times/variety of acts plays a role too. Like, if someone's entire sexual experience over a lifetime didn't involve penetration, I wouldn't think of them as a virgin. If it was a teenager who gave oral sex once, I probably would.

Also I was never trying to "argue" with you so much as clarify my views. I know you don't agree, and that's fine; I'm really not trying to convince you of anything. This is just the way I-- most of the time subconsciously-- view what is really a vague and invented concept to begin with.

Does that mean lesbians can't have sex?

I see where you're coming from, I mean, honestly, for heterosexual couples I do imagine "sex" being the full penis to vagina act. but I'm a lesbian and I'm pretty sure I have lots of sex with other women, no penis required.

No, I mentioned in another comment that if someone had been engaged in sexual activity for a while that hadn't actually involved penetration, then I wouldn't think of them as a "virgin." My comment about oral sex not counting was meant more along the lines of someone who had done that, like, once and nothing else, for experimenting or something rather than because of sexual preferences, if that makes any sense.

I guess the best way I can explain it is that if that's the only kind someone's interested in and therefore all they do with a partner= not a virgin; someone who's actually seeking penetrative sex but has only done oral for experimentation/whatever= virgin.

It's probably not really clear to anyone other than me, but that's how I think about it (without really actively thinking about it until now, really).

I prefer thinking of different levels/locations for virginity. IE, I've had a toy in my vagina, but I've never been with another person. I've done PIV, but never anal. Etc.

The fact that people can't even decide on what should actually define virginity, and the fact that it's so heteronormative, just makes the whole idea of it bullshit, tbh.
But if I had to classify it, I guess it would be naughty bit touching naughty bit. (Because if we just use PIV than non-straight people are forever virgins, and if we use penile penetration than that excludes lesbians.)

*then that
Argh.

[ SECRET POST #2884 ]

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