[ SECRET POST #2893 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2893 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 012 secrets from Secret Submission Post #413.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm going to side-eye anyone that feels the need to point out that they're not X-thing as some sort of defense. It's hardly necessary.

[(Anonymous)]

I hate that entire 'claiming you're not only proves you are' business.

What gives us the right to discount what a person says about themselves? What gives us the right, if they try harder -- if they try to make us understand what they're saying about themselves -- to effectively silence them by claiming that their protests only prove that we're right?

DA

[(Anonymous)]

Because in my experience, as a minority, if someone as to pre-emptively point it out, then they're going to say something really shitty.

It's like saying, "I'm not racist, but..."

Because you're always going to say a racist statement.

This is literally, "I'm not an MRA, but..."

Re: DA

[diet_poison]

yeah. ia.

Re: DA

[anonymous4]

Except there's nothing about that secret that's shitty -- the OP's saying: 'I hate it when people belittle genuine distress by calling it 'man pain' simply because it's being experienced by a man.' What's shitty about that?

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

I'm late, but I'm going to reply anyway.
There's nothing shitty in what OP said, the problem is really just that they raised people's hackles with the "not MRA" thing. Going back to the "I'm not racist, but..." example - if someone says, "I'm not racist, but that is a really nice lamp over there," the human brain automatically tries to connect those two ideas and suddenly you're looking for all the racist overtones in the lamp. Here people's minds are trying to connect the "not MRA" to the subject of the secret (because honestly, they're two different discussions). Combine that with the common thought that if you really need to tell people you aren't something (you know, rather than just not being it) then you probably are and you have the negative reaction that people are giving in replies.

In short, you're right, there's no real reason for the negative replies. OP probably wanted to minimize the arguments by adding that, but they would've saved themselves a lot more grief by leaving it off. Really, it's just poor wording.

Re: DA

[anonymous4]

the human brain automatically tries to connect those two ideas and suddenly you're looking for all the racist overtones in the lamp

Yep, obviously I understand that, but I like to think I'd pretty soon realise there weren't any, and that the appropriate reaction was 'WTF? Secret failure!' rather than 'This person's a racist'.

In this specific case, I read the OP's reasoning like this:

1. Calling all male emotion 'man pain' is dismissing genuine male emotions, which is unfair; I'll make a secret.
2. There are people in fandom who try to silence anyone who says anything positive about men by calling them MRAs.
3. They might call me an MRA, and just ignore my secret...
4. Maybe I can forestall them by pointing out that I'm not an MRA.

I think a lot of 'I'm not a...' statements are the result of this pattern of thinking.

And I really, really detest the 'the more you say you aren't, the more you reveal that you are' argument, not least because it's applied to people who say they aren't gay (whether because they're sure they're not gay, or because they're not yet ready to come out), depriving them of the right to make a statement about something that is absolutely fundamental to their own sense of self. It's like they're playing tic-tac-toe and their opponent has three corners -- there's no way out -- except it's not a game.

ETA Sorry, I totally missed your last para, which says exactly what I'm saying -- great minds. And I agree the OP shouldn't have included that line, but I also know how hard it is for me, when I'm making secrets, to stop myself trying to pre-empt possible objections.