fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2906 ]

[ SECRET POST #2906 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2906 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think that's why people come down on it so hard.

With killing, you might be killing to protect. You might be dealing drugs to provide for your family in a terrible economic situation. You might torture someone out of desperation to get information (say, the password to deactivate a bomb). In all of these cases, your actions although evil in and of themselves, would have been done out of a desire to do good and protect people.

With cheating, not only is it betrayal of someone's love and faith, but it is entirely for one's pleasure. It's wholly selfish.

Now, of course, you could be blackmailed into getting physically involved with someone else. But that's not cheating -- it's sexual assault.

You could be in a loveless or abusive marriage and unable to leave because of cultural taboos/fear for your own safety/financial considerations.

You could be revenge-cheating. (Not unselfish, but not a betrayal of love and faith.)

You could be seducing your partner's enemy because it's the only way to save his or her life.

These might not all be real-world cheating excuses, but in fiction, you can come up with as many excuses for cheating as for killing.

But do people really come down hard on the aforementioned examples, though?

And I feel like a lot of them don't really qualify as cheating.

If you were forced into a marriage, for example, I don't think that many people would count that as cheating. Same with seducing your partner's enemy -- you're essentially being blackmailed with their life.

If you were forced into a marriage, for example, I don't think that many people would count that as cheating.

This is very culturally dependent. I know people in arranged marriages and they would absolutely consider their spouse sleeping with someone else as cheating! Think of all the political marriages in historical fiction; the people involved may not love each other, but it can still destroy a kingdom if affairs happen.

Same with seducing your partner's enemy -- you're essentially being blackmailed with their life.

Disagree; depends on the situation and genre. Maybe you could kill the enemy, but you choose the softer route that I would argue is more humane and ethical.

Oh I totally agree. I was more thinking of it in the context of fandom. If someone writes a fic where a woman is forced to marry a king and is essentially his prisoner, I guess I wonder if fandom would really treat that as cheating?

I'm thinking of it more in the context of something like Game of Thrones, where noblewomen (and some noblemen, see Tyrion) "consent" to be married all the time, but it's understood that the marriage is political. Cheating tends to happen to preserve one's own sanity (which I guess is selfish, if understandable) but also, because the alternatives to cheating (being completely miserable and sexless in your marriage, assassination, running away, divorce) are either impossible or would further destabilize your family and kingdom.

You could be in a loveless or abusive marriage and unable to leave because of... fear for your own safety...

Here's what gets me with that fictional scenario: what is the scenario where cheating is significantly less risky than leaving the aforementioned loveless / abusive marriage

Yes, this.

And yet people do it IRL. Eh. People are complicated.

Cheating, you can keep secret; leaving not so much.

And if you get the courage to cheat in an abusive relationship, it might help you to find the courage to eventually leave.

And give you a place to go when you do.

And that's dangerous in itself- abusers often sense victims and gravitate towards. I've seen friends thinking they've found a great guy who has rescued them when actually they are on parr or worse. Only now the person really can't do much about it. Frying pan...fryer situation.

In the German film The Lives of Others, the wife cheats on her husband in order to save them both from the Secret Police.

We're never shown whether the husband knows, but they love each other and it's really heartbreaking.

So anyway, coming down on the side that cheating isn't always selfish.

I really need to see that film. It's been on my list for awhile.

It's really great, but depressing in places. Though the ending is wonderful, right out of the hat in the last few minutes, but still perfect. I needed a little decompression time afterwards. Most of it is incredibly grim, even though it's gripping.

Definitely one that you'll feel enriched for watching.

I think it's pretty obvious OP means characters who do terrible things because they don't care that it's terrible, rather than characters who are forced into doing terrible things when they morally would not otherwise.

A character that murders for their own personal gain/enjoyment gets less flack than a character that cheats and may or may not regret it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2906 ]

Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish

Re: Cheating is entirely selfish