fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2924 ]

[ SECRET POST #2924 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2924 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 055 secrets from Secret Submission Post #418.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - take it to comments ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Most people in fandom know what asexuality is, even from just discussing the orientations of different characters. But I get the impression that most people (read: the population at large, not 'the internet') don't even know that it's a thing? It's easy to feel sort of insular in fandom, where everyone is more or less speaking the same language, and to forget that fandom is only a very small subset. Point being, if I said "I'm asexual" to anyone in RL, I don't even think they would know what that is. Whereas if I said "I'm gay" (I'm not), they would. To asexuals who are out and open about their sexuality, do you just receive lots of blank stares from people? (Unless you're hanging out with LGBT folks, who I'd assume are at least aware that asexuality exists.)

Of course most people don't know. Asexuality accounts for a miniscule part of the population. I imagine less than 1%. Just say, "I don't like to have sex." It doesn't help how some part of the net have diluted the meanings of words and/or created new, ridiculous ones.

Saying "I don't like to have sex" really won't help people understand you. I really think explaining asexuality would go over just as well.

"I am asexual. I don't have sex." Not much more you can do. When it comes down to it, your sexuality really doesn't matter to most people. Especially when your sexuality is "Not have sex."

If you tell people "I don't like to have sex" you're probably going to get a variation of the following responses

- They'll think you're an uptight prude
- They'll advise you to get help since there is obviously something wrong with you
- "Maybe you just haven't met the right partner."
- "How do you know you don't like it if you never tried it?"

Not that explaining what asexuality is would help. Best to just avoid the subject.

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-06 05:03 (UTC) - Expand

Depends on where you're looking. The average layperson with zero years of college education is also pretty unlikely to know basic psychological concepts like confirmation bias, or that people can have more than two sex chromosomes.

As soon as you make it out of that demographic, you'll find that outside the internet it's pretty common knowledge even for people who don't spend all their time on tumblr or in activist circles.

your life view is terrifying

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

herpymcderp - 2015-01-06 00:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-06 00:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

herpymcderp - 2015-01-06 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-06 01:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

herpymcderp - 2015-01-06 01:12 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-06 01:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

herpymcderp - 2015-01-06 01:13 (UTC) - Expand

I really dislike the implication that people with no college education are automatically ignoramuses. There are other places to educate yourself.

And for the record, I do have a college degree so I'm just being "butthurt" or whatever.

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

herpymcderp - 2015-01-06 01:01 (UTC) - Expand

...Yeah, okay Derpy you tread on toes early and often, but I can't even fathom why people are coming after you for THIS comment.

The only thing bothering me is that I don't know what group your latter statement could even be referring to.

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

herpymcderp - 2015-01-06 01:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

scrubber - 2015-01-06 02:19 (UTC) - Expand

I actually don't tell anyone I am "asexual" but usually they do it for me anyway (jokingly, but then it sticks when they realize it's true).

"Haha, you don't count, you're asexual or something!" Then I'm just "the asexual or something" one forever, which is fine with me. That's all they need to know really and most of them don't care, as they shouldn't.

(The funny part is I'm usually the one giving THEM blank stares when people start talking about who the hottest celebrity is or who you'd sleep with if you had the chance and I'm like I have literally no idea and they're like "oh yeah we forgot never mind someone else answer")

Edited 2015-01-06 00:50 (UTC)

Your friends sound cool :)

I would never use the word asexual to describe myself in real life, because either the people won't know what it means or they use it in a way that has nothing in common with me (asexuals that have sex and relationships). If the subject ever comes up, it's much easier to just say "I'm not interested in anyone, men or women, and never have been".

I don't really think it's any of their business that I'm asexual tbh. They know who I'm romantically attracted to, but they don't need to know what does or doesn't go on in my bedroom.

Enh, I honestly try to avoid the conversation entirely, because I sorta straddle the gay/ace line and am NOT interested in all the jokes people like to make about that. (Yes, yes, a gay man who has very limited interest in men, durr hurr hurr, you so clever.) These days, most of my friends know who and what I am and don't give a fuck.

Back when I DID have people badgering me about it, I left it as, "I'm not into that." And if people kept whining about it, I stopped being around them. I am not obligated to explain my sexuality to anyone unless I'm in a relationship with them.

A friend of mine who's more traditionally ace read a book about it that she said helped a lot? The Invisible Orientation or something? I have no idea how good it is myself, but coming out by throwing a book/site at someone and then running away is a classic!

Just dropping in to give you points for "multi."

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

lb_lee - 2015-01-06 20:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

(Anonymous) - 2015-01-07 07:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Asexuality in 'real life'

lb_lee - 2015-01-07 18:00 (UTC) - Expand

I haven't really personally said I'm asexual to anyone except close family, who mostly reacted with a complete and utter lack of surprise, and a thanks for a shorthand word for the way I visibly have zero interest in sex/romance/dating and am constantly baffled by questions of attraction.

I have brought asexuality up as a concept a couple of times in various conversations, and gotten a range of responses from knowledge to confusion to derision to one memorable "What, you mean like mushrooms?" that required a little explanation on both our parts.

It did amuse me to imagine myself as a strange umbrella-person producing little spore mini-mes for a while afterwards. Or it still does, really. If I ever become a superhero/villain, I'm going to try to ensure that it's as the central parent/leader of a interlinked fungal hivemind of spore people. In non-combat roles, mostly. Information network, I'm thinking. I don't want my little spore kidlets getting killed or anything.

to one memorable "What, you mean like mushrooms?" that required a little explanation on both our parts.

I'm sure it was confusing and frustrating at the time, but that was the best thing I've read all day. XD

Sounds terrifieng, the fungus intergalactic intelegence.

I've told a few people irl, and it's usually been met with awkwardness. Then again, the location I live in isn't the best, so...

Mom: Didn't really say much, but seems to have stopped with all of the "someday you'll settle down," "you wouldn't do that if you had kids," etc. stuff that she normally goes on about.
Co-workers: Didn't say anything.
Physician: "Ok, but out of formality I still need to ask you these questions"

Physician's reaction was understandable, since he needs to ask me those questions for health reasons, but I wish I would have gotten at least an "ok, cool" out of my mom and co-workers. I'm much happier now that I've determined what my sexuality is, so even if the people around me irl don't understand, I still feel better than I did a few years ago.

What if they don't think it's "cool." That doesn't mean they think it's wrong. Just a thing that is.

I am asexual and have made many asexual friends, two of whom I met in real life and none of whom come specifically from an asexual community.

Maybe you could just say "I'm really just not interested in sex"? I think people would be more likely to accept that than "I don't have sex" or "I don't like sex."

Late to the party.

I've had a couple of ppl assume I was ace.

I've seen other ppl assume others were ace.

As far as I'm aware I haven't met a person irl but then unless they say it's be kinda hard to tell.

Not something I discuss with ppl either (because random to bring it up?) but most ppl I see who know it have been young and accepting it's a thing.

...it was also mentioned in my sexual harassment class but just mentioned as part of the diversity and awareness part and to not be a prying dick.

I would say a lot, if not a majority of my friends have heard of it. Haven't really discussed the topic though so don't know how they feel about it as such. Most of them are nerdy sorts who read a lot of stuff on the internet and have at least 1 degree, for reference.

I'm probably "asexual" but if people ask I'll just say I'm uninterested in relationships (+sex as a presumed part of it. Don't think anyone assumes I'm the type to have casual sex lol). The label never felt comfortable with how offputting the "community" is.

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