[ SECRET POST #2926 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2926 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #418.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Nicest way to tell people I need space?

[(Anonymous)]

Can you explain your IRL issues in a way that's vague enough to be comfortable for you and provide reassurance for her? Or fudge it a bit so it's not exactly the issue you're dealing with, but close enough for your friend to realize it's important to you and that you need time to deal with it?

Unfortunately depression can make someone very insular, self-loathing and very self-absorbed at the same time, so it can be tough for the other person to be able to make us understand that it's really not anything about us. D: It can try the other person's patience to the point where the thing we're worrying about (i.e. them keeping their distance because of us) actually happens.

Just keep reiterating as gently as you can that you have important RL things to deal with, and that it's no reflection on her or your friendship.

Re: Nicest way to tell people I need space?

[(Anonymous)]

Yes I totally get where she's coming from with her depression and all the self-loathing and self-absorbed feelings because I've struggled with depression myself for years and I know it's so hard for the depressed person to see that it's not something they did personally, which is why I'm so stressed out on how to do it as gently as possible for her because she's in a really bad place and I don't want to inadvertently put her in an even worse place.

What makes it all the worse right now is that her network of friends and what little of a support system she has right now dwindled recently because she finally (but thankfully) cut out some toxic people. I know she needs a friend right now, but I just don't think I'm the person she needs right now nor do I think I can be there completely for her because I worry my emotional state will just make me snap at her and she doesn't need that on top of her other issues.

Unfortunately my IRL issues are so complicated right now that I don't even know how to begin vaguely explaining it (it has to do with a previous abuser of mine and talking about that is just no fun). I might try to fudge it a little. There's only so many times I can tell her that I'm just not eating or sleeping well because of "stuff" without it sounding like a bullshitty excuse to the both of us. Even if it is the truth.

Thanks anon.

Re: Nicest way to tell people I need space?

[(Anonymous)]

Then it sounds like you're doing everything right, and just need to figure out a way to frame your explanation in a way that's comfortable for you and all you're coping with, and still sets that clear boundary that it's something you need to take time out for. I think it's also a good thing that you recognize you're not in a position yourself to help right now -- I know how difficult that is, but it really is in both your best interests to know your limits.

It's a horrible vicious cycle when the self-loathing and self-absorbtion clash D: I know I do it all the time, but I also have the more logical side of me that can rationalize things out -- it just takes a while sometimes, or it just takes some space. But even if your friend does react badly, it doesn't mean that's actually how she feels about things. The snapping will be the depression reacting, I'm sure she'll also be able to see your position after a little bit of time.

Is there a way you could, idk, schedule/structure your interactions a bit more? X amount of time a day, or a week, something like that? So that you get space, but she also knows that you still have every intention of being there for her? Or is there someone/somewhere else you can direct her for help right now? Help her with counselling appointments etc. so that she has another focus and you have more space.

-hugs- Good luck, to both of you.

Re: Nicest way to tell people I need space?

[(Anonymous)]

She has one two other friends I know that support her, but one of them is busy because she's getting married and I'm not sure how close she is to her other friend. They're both aware of her depression. I'll talk to her and see how she feels about spending time with her other friend whenever I'm absent if she badly needs someone to unwind with.

Unfortunately she's not in a position to seek counseling due to financial issues. She's in a really tough spot, which is the reason why I'm so stressed about emotionally leaving her hanging right now, but I've become more ill (physically and mentally) as the days have gone by and getting closer to my wit's ends.

I'll figure something out, see if I can at least spare an hour every night to check up on her and see how she's doing. I'll figure /something/ out.

Thanks anon! -hugs-