Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2015-01-25 04:07 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2015-01-25 04:07 pm
[ SECRET POST #2944 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2944 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 058 secrets from Secret Submission Post #421.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: I don't know what to do
I have a friend who is straight up a 24/7 basketcase. Up until about 2 and a half years ago it was manageable, but sometime around August 2012 it just BLEW THE FUCK UP. Pretty soon she was pestering me CONSTANTLY on an hourly basis with her stupid indie comics sex life drama, and it was always the same fucking drama. The names might change but the story was always the fucking same. She would message me at the worst possible times, keeping me up well past 8am because if I said "I have to go to bed" she'd get all passive aggressive. At one point I finally said "oh my god you have gone on and on and on almost nonstop and I'm done, please deal with your problems already and stop ignoring me when I give you advice" and she got REALLY angry with me and started to threaten suicide and was telling me YOU'RE JUST ABANDONING ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I CAN'T TRUST ANYONE TO BE THERE FOR ME YOU NEVER LOVED ME BAWWWW and I'm thinking, I put up with your crap for 9 months, nobody else would do that. Best part is? Nothing changed. Here we are, 2 and a half years later, and she's still going.
I've stuck with it, but it got to the point where I dreaded playing games because she might IM me on Steam DEMANDING my attention and if she saw I was in-game I wouldn't be able to pretend I wasn't there. I spent a long time just putting up with it and feeling like a bad friend because I just wanted her to shut the fuck up and deal with her shit like an adult like everyone else instead of spinning her tires endlessly for 30 months and constantly demanding my attention because I was the only one who'd give it. She'll do it to anyone who gives her an inch. I've never seen someone so thoroughly self-absorbed; we have no mutual interests any more because her only interest anymore is herself. She doesn't listen to music, play video games, read, watch movies, any of that shit anymore. Her only hobby is sitting there in the dark overthinking the tiniest little details in her stupid goddamn sex life I'm tired of hearing about. And she does NOT give a fuck about you, or me, or anyone else, and she has even said as much, that she "doesn't have room in her brain for other peoples' problems." If you try to tell her about something bad in your life, she does NOT fucking care, and she WILL change the subject back to her. "Oh, you were in a car accident/you have cancer/your girlfriend massively fucked you over and now you're gonna be homeless? I don't give a fuck! That sucks tho! Anyway, so I was bouncing on this old guy's balls, and I had a transcendental moment..." But I've finally hit my limit. When she was whining about how put-upon she felt because people were telling her 'at least you HAVE a job' when she complained about trying to find a second job to perpetually unemployed people I told her I didn't want to talk about this because I've been looking for work for 3 years and the conversation was upsetting me. Her response was "we're not talking about you tho." I blew up. That was it. I was officially fucking done with her shit and I told her so. And she still hasn't learned a goddamn thing. At least I don't have to listen to her judge me for not liking the classical music she no longer listens to anymore.
I tell you all this partly because after 2 and a half years of being her captive audience I'm angry and I'm tired, and partly to illustrate that at some point you have to say "no, I'm not going to be your unpaid shrink anymore." At some point you have to decide what's more important: your mental health, or being a good friend, and honestly, your mental health is more important. She's not entitled to your time, and if she won't seek help you're not obligated to do anything for her when she's already placed this much stress on you.
Re: I don't know what to do
(Anonymous) 2015-01-26 12:51 am (UTC)(link)OP's friend doesn't sound quite that bad from what they've described - more passive and stuck in a rut rather than a human black hole like your ex-friend.
but it's a good lesson to have limits with how much of other people's shit you're willing to put up with.
Re: I don't know what to do
(Anonymous) 2015-01-26 06:13 am (UTC)(link)Re: I don't know what to do
Re: I don't know what to do
(Anonymous) 2015-01-26 01:20 pm (UTC)(link)Re: I don't know what to do
Re: I don't know what to do
(Anonymous) 2015-01-26 05:55 pm (UTC)(link)Re: I don't know what to do
But your final paragraph is dead on correct - people are not entitled to your time and health, especially if it's harming you (even emotionally like stress)