fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2945 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2945 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Not a Harem Heaven, It's a Yandere Hell]

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[Game of Thrones]

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[In the Flesh]

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[Hudson Leick as Callisto in Xena, Warrior Princess]

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[Plebcomics]

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[Great British Bake Off]

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[Captain America: The First Avenger]

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[Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE!]

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[Queen]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 048 secrets from Secret Submission Post #421.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've always wondered how people cope when they're born into strict religious families, and they're gay, bi or trans or even just fall in love with someone outside the religious or otherwise fall outside their family's traditions. I've heard stories about people who escaped and stuff, but beyond those stories, how do people deal?

I mean, I had a friend in college - college - whose dad called her while we were hanging out, and she had to promise him I was a girl. I can only imagine what would've happened had she actually "broken" a rule. (she didn't live on campus.)

I've read about people who straight-up didn't realize that all men weren't attracted to other men. They just thought everyone hid it. And it's a similar rhetoric that you see from a few (not the majority) of opponents of gay marriage - they just assume that if there's gay marriage, all dudes will want to fuck dudes and fall apart, and it makes sense to them because they want to fuck dudes.

So there are some people who just force themselves to live within it. People are kind of incredibly adaptable.

:raises hand:

My family is fairly religiously conservative (though surprisingly not so much in a lot of areas) and fairy homophobic.

Honestly, I'm not out to them. Being bi and never having had either a boyfriend or girlfriend it hasn't needed to come up. Plus, they are still supporting me a bit, and I kind of need that money right now. I am out to my sister, though.

It is going to have to come up at some point, and I don't know what will happen. Because on the one hand particularly my dad is very homophobic but on the other hand I don't think they are the type of people to disown me.

Holy crap, are you me? I could have written this, word for word. Except I wouldn't say my family is "religiously conservative" - they just go to church and are homophobic.

Hopefully can soon be in a better place with this whole thing, too!

I can't wait to move out. :(

For a lot of people they just never tell their parents about it. This seems to generally be the case for the Chinese friends I have- they are gay or lesbian away from home but at home they are single Christians.

Sadly, the friends I know in this situation generally got disowned or had to run away.

Our family didn't even have religion on the docket, just other 'traditions' that were really toxic, and we ended up homeless rather than go back to them. Before that, I mostly coped by starving myself, workaholism, and trying to be the perfect child. Surprise surprise, it didn't work.

--Rogan

The answer is generally not well. :(

I was raised fundamentalist Protestant, and I lived with my husband before we got married. I converted to Catholicism because he was Catholic (although nominally so, and I am more agnostic than anything).

My parents were so awful to me because of these "transgressions." I seriously considered cutting them out of my life permanently. It was so hurtful to me that I graduated summa cum laude and got accepted with a full ride into grad school, that I continually received academic and professional accolades, and yet somehow, I was a fuckup. More of a fuck up than my little brother (who I love dearly and who has gotten his shit together) who spent his early twenties living rent free in a crumbling trailer on the edge of my parents property after flunking out of college--but who mostly agrees with them politically, socially, and religiously and keeps his mouth shut when he doesn't.

My mother has told me she wished I hadn't gotten full scholarships to undergrad so she could have kept me at home under thumb. One day when she was railing about me and Josh living together before we got married, I was all, "Would you prefer we get divorced to prove your theory right that us living together before we got married is right?" That shut her up.

Actually what pretty much changed everything was us having a kid and them realizing that I had absolute power over the relationship they had or didn't have with that kid (now kids). My parents still drive me bonkers sometimes, but their behavior has drastically mellowed in terms of how they interact with us over the last 17 years. If it hadn't, we'd have nothing to do with them.

My mother isn't religious, but is strict. The rest of the family isn't strict, but is very religious.

I'm 26 and married, and I didn't come out as bi to anyone until this Christmas, and that was only because a younger cousin came out as gay, and I didn't want her to go through the same isolation as I did. It never came up, and I was much happier for it. Any girls I was with were "friends" and I would go to their place. I was better off closeted, because it prevented drama.

At the same time, I knew my mom was full of shit, so it didn't get to me. I can only imagine what it's like to believe in homo/bi/transphobia.

My family is quite conservative and religious and so I'm just... not out to them. I don't think they would disown me or anything, but my brother has suspected me being not straight or a while and once told me that he wouldn't go to my wedding if I married another girl. It sucks, because I love my family and want to be able to act myself around them, but jeepers a few weeks ago my friend posted something on facebook that I was afraid may have led them to figure it out and I freaked. They're improving a lot in recent years, but I'm still scared of what they would think. Even if they do accept my sexuality I'm certain it would make them miserable.

It also doesn't help that I do not hold much belief in our religion anymore (I believe in a higher power but think the bible is a load of rubbish and it doesn't help that everyone I know in our religion is a freaking hypocrite) so I have that to contend with as well.

There was a lot of denial in my pre-teen years about being bi and gender fucked, and a lot of being a closet case in high school, but the repression wasn't really to do with religious household stuff, despite growing up with a heavy-handed Jewishboo dad. I just knew (assumed?) they hated the idea of any of us being queer. There is a specific moment I recall where my dad accused my older sister of being a lesbian because her best friend was an older woman, and that was one of various events that cemented my never opening up to any of what I was going through.

Now however, after a lot of hypothetical rants and increased pop cultural acceptance, I feel as though my dad is the one parent who wouldn't give a flip about it, and probably even support me. My mom still says hateful things about homosexuality, betting irksome coworkers are jealous and gay for her, how unnatural it is, and backpedal out of saying "even animals don't do that" to "well we're supposed to be better than animals. She's the sweetest person in the world, but on this one thing I don't think she'll ever budge.

At this point, my sisters, and likely every other member of the extended family (though they are in the US and Guatemala to be fair) knows that I'm bisexual. Just not the parents. And the only other relative to know about the gender issues is the little sister.

tl;dr I sort of don't deal.

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