fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2958 ]

[ SECRET POST #2958 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2958 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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What are you anxious about? Especially the irrational stuff that you know you should keep your cool about, but it brings out the anxiety anyway?

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a professor. I hate meeting with professors. I didn't mind it so much at the undergrad level but now doing my master's, I get so on edge that I'm sure if they said one harsh word to me, I'd burst into tears. My meeting tomorrow is about a paper that I actually got pretty good marks on, but he wants to go through with everyone and I'm so terrified for the critique. Not that critique is bad, it's awesome, but my feelings don't seem to align with my rational thoughts.

Well, I recently stopped taking my anxiety/depression meds so EVERYTHING is making me anxious. Like, I have a low thrum of "Oh god, I forgot to do something" almost all the time. Particularly, I am anxious about money/bills. But that is in no way unusual.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you stop taking your meds?

Re: What's made you nervous lately?

kaijinscendre - 2015-02-09 12:51 (UTC) - Expand

My girlfriend only lives close to me because she has an apartment near her law school. She's going to take the bar exam in less than two weeks and then she's going to move back with her parents who don't know I exist until she can support herself (she doesn't know for a fact that they would disown her or something if they knew but she's not taking the risk at this point). Neither of us knows how that's going to go. I hate things being so uncertain. There's so much that can go wrong for her or for our relationship or whatever. I've been worrying about this for over a year and it's finally almost happening.

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. My partner is out of town for a couple of months, so every oddity or weird house sound is a recipe for fresh terror. I'm a gold-quality worrywart.

Talking to people I don't know. And knowing that I have this problem makes me even more nervous.

I'm one of those types that as soon as I lock my door, I'm sure I left the water running or the straightener on. Even though that's never happened. If I'm already halfway down the street I force myself to just keep going, but it nags at me all day.

My lab manips get weird results lately, and one this week totally failed. I didn't have time to read the results of the last one from last friday before having to call it quits for the weekend--the reaction was over but the microplate needed more time to completely dry out before I could put it in the scanner--and as I'm in a part-time internship and won't be back until wednesday, it's my supervisor who'll have to do the reading themself monday morning. What... what it failed again and I'm not even here to review the manip with them and try to understand what possibly went wrong?

I have an appointment with my dentist tomorrow to continue my endodontic retreatment and I'm a huge baby when it come to doctors.

I have to have 80 % attendance in all of my classes this year. Two of them start fairly early, which is an issue for me as I have a hard time getting up in the morning.

Due to this I get terribly anxious the night before, which means I can't sleep and lie awake for hours, before finally falling asleep when it's just about morning (At about 4-6AM-ish). I've already overslept for class once for both of these classes, which means that for the rest of the term I can only miss one time for one of them and two for the other, or I can't take the final exam.

It's just really stressing me out, and it's so stupid, because if I hadn't been so anxious about this I would have been able to go to sleep early and be able to wake up when I should.

I think 80% is actually a pretty lenient policy. But I went to a private institution where they could be really strict about absences and some teachers made it even worse (some classes I literally could not miss and if I did I had to go to their other class or workshop and make up the time.)

I know what it's like to stress and have trouble sleeping though, try to get to class regardless of how tired you are. But if something happens talk to your professor, every once in a while they will understand (don't COUNT on them understanding but don't be afraid to talk to them about it.) Good luck!

I'd really like to know if I'm going to have a car by spring or not. Not having wheels is putting a whole hell of a lot of things on hold, including getting a haircut. :/

Everything. I really need to fucking calm down.

In particular, there's the fact that I'm meeting a fandom friend in less than a month, and I have to admit I'm scared. I'm happy and excited, but also scared. Socializiation isn't exactly my forte.

Every time I smell something weird in my room while I'm trying to sleep, I'm convinced it's a gas leak and I'm going to die in my sleep. The last time, I just needed to take out the trash.

More seriously, I'm stressed about job-searching, and about homework. I get so exhausted trying to keep up with my homework load that I have no energy left for a proper job search.

Right now mostly school, passing the bar, getting a job, and finances.

I have an exam at the end of March and even though it's on stuff I do every day/have been doing for the past decade or so, I'm a terrible test taker and part of it's verbal/interaction-ey, and I'm definitely not good with strangers. :/

Noises in my apartment, especially when I'm trying to sleep. Both my roommates tend to stay up later than me, and both are very loud people in general.

I have pretty severe episodic insomnia, so getting to sleep is a huge battle for me, and it doesn't matter how often I politely ask them to keep it down, they persist in doing loud shit way into the wee hours of the morning.

Also I have a medical test in the next few days, the sole purpose is which to evoke a seizure. Which is making me very anxious. I don't want to have a seizure, but it would be conclusive evidence of my condition if I did. :/

Class tomorrow because I keep thinking on behind on homework when 1) I'm not, I'm where I should be and 2) it's not due until Wednesday. I'm also worried about how long it's taken to update my fic despite the fact that I don't have a big readership or anything, but the length between updates has been making me anxious. Probably because I had wanted to pull out a chapter a week (my chapters are rather short, it's not a big fic) and yet it's been -checks date- wow, a month since I've updated... Dang. :( None of these anxieties are serious, I'm probably only more stressed out about them because of more serious things stressing me out right now.

Organising a three-month trip to the UK. It's my home country, I've done it before and the sky didn't fall in why am I so "can't do this?" about it?

I'm on disability because I'm too fucking nuts to have any sort of career but that isn't what's making me nervous. What is making me nervous is I have reason to believe that my parents are going to cut off my rent (they pay it because I don't make enough on disability to do it myself) unless I go back to college. I absolutely loathe school and have all my life. I especially hated college. I had thought it was going to be very intellectually stimulating but it turned out to be just like high school only with far more alcoholism, plus I couldn't go home at the end of the day. I happen to be very well-educated but I am largely self-educated from reading books, etc. I am also 53 and think I'm far too old to be forced to go to school (I'd never put down an older person who is in school because that's what they want to do, but that's totally different.)

Re: What's made you nervous lately?

cloud_riven - 2015-02-09 06:19 (UTC) - Expand

There was serious work drama last week and I was kind of at the center of it all. I went to my supervisor's office crying, it was that bad. The guy that started all the drama and I talked it out, kind of, but it still makes me a little anxious wondering what work will be like when I go in tomorrow night. T~T

I had a big internship interview yesterday. It went so well that they already offered me the position, but it would be six months and unpaid for the first three since my future salary depends on web traffic. I'm going to take the position since it's a dream career, but I'm nervous about how little money I have to work with at the start.

Job interviews. I've been searching for a job in earnest since mid-November and have had three interviews. Unfortunately, there have been no job offers, which is a problem since I have been unemployed since late December. I had to quit my job at the post office due to an injury sustained on the job that was not healing. The injury has healed enough that I can go back into office work, so I've been spending a good amount of time sending out applications. The thing is, going from the post office to working at a desk job is something I'm concerned about in the interview stage as well as sending out apps. How are prospective employers going to view that? I've asked my career counselor (an industrial psychologist) for advice, and career articles contradict themselves something fierce. I am not sure what I'm not doing in job interviews to get offers. I've been better about rehearsing my answers and actually writing down bullet points so I can remember the pertinent points to remember. It doesn't help that when I follow up and try to find out what I may have omitted or done that kept me from moving forward in the process no one seems to want to actually provide a direct answer. So yeah, figuring out how to conduct myself in job interviews makes me nervous and stressed.

I live with my Mom. Our electric bill was $2,462 this month:
Dec 2014-Jan 2015 = $541.99
Late Fee = $50.00
Sales Tax = $37.94
Balance Forward = $1,831.17

We were on the equal payment plan last year and were paying $230 a month for just electricity. The $1,831.17 is what that $230 a month didn't cover.

We have until the 18th to pay it or they will cut it off. If they do that, we'll have to pay the bill in full plus a $25 reconnect fee. There is no way we can pay it. Our combined take-home pay was less than $13,000 last year. We work part-time and are applying everywhere we can for another job.