[ SECRET POST #2967 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #424.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets (also too big anyway) ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Thank you for writing this

[(Anonymous)]

This is such bullshit. You know why? Because correlation doesn't equal causation.

Women who are already in abusive relationships could also be more likely to seek out romance novels BECAUSE they're unhappy with their relationships.

There's no proof here that FSOG is CAUSING or influencing women into getting into bad relationships.

Jesus Christ, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about -- it presumes that women are too stupid to differentiate fantasy from reality.

Re: Thank you for writing this

[(Anonymous)]

When your reality looks like the thing that's being called a fantasy, yes, it becomes difficult to differentiate between fantasy and reality. That goes for people of any gender.

This is the thing that drives me crazy about the "but people are smart and can think for themselves so stop condescending to them" arguments. We don't live in a reality where everyone knows what abuse looks like. We don't even live in a reality where everyone knows what rape looks like. We're all taught that abusive behaviors are romantic and that consent is a blurry line. Until people in the real world stop saying things like, "well, she didn't fight back," "well, she shouldn't have been drinking," "well, she shouldn't have worn that skirt," "oh, he's just a touchy-feely guy, don't be so uptight," "oh his jealousy just means he really likes you," "it's just a compliment," "sure he's creepy, but we can't kick him out for that; just don't let yourself be alone with him," "well, your success embarrasses him, so of course he's angry," "if she didn't want to be hit, she shouldn't have pissed him off," "it can't be THAT bad if she's staying with him," "he may have beat her, but to be fair, she was acting kind of crazy," "of course he cheated, she wasn't putting out enough," "you don't have the right to say no to sex once you're married," "well, you willingly had sex with him in the past, so he can't have raped you," etc etc etc, no, I don't think we can just say "people can tell the difference." Because how do you when you've never really thought about this stuff? We take it for granted a lot of the time that we know all of this is bullshit, but most people just go along with it. Most people think it's totally normal.

Re: Thank you for writing this

[(Anonymous)]

"When your reality looks like the thing that's being called a fantasy, yes, it becomes difficult to differentiate between fantasy and reality."

Oh God, this, this, THIS.

Right now I'm supporting someone who needed the intervention of social workers to realize that the psychological and emotional abuse she's been suffering for thirty years was not, in fact, the normal behavior between husbands and wives. It was not, as she imagined, what really went on behind closed doors of every marriage in the world.

To her, behaviors that made people who have been trained in supporting abuse victims flinch were normal. They were her life. This is not a stupid woman, this is just someone who's been conditioned over many, many years to accept her abuse as normal.

And the problem with bullshit like 50SOG is that if her abuser watched it, he would see a Hollywood reflection of his behavior ALSO portrayed as normal, and even worse, as aspirational. It would show him that he was right, this is what women want deep down. It would show him that he was justified in his behavior, and that all his excuses are worth more than his wife's pain and fear.

Re: Thank you for writing this

[(Anonymous)]

yuuuuuuuuuup