[ SECRET POST #2967 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2967 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #424.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets (also too big anyway) ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

OP

[(Anonymous)]

That's the thing, I've never been harassed or bullied on there. I'm not afraid of that so much as being disagreed with and finding out that I'm wrong about something.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

We're ALL going to be wrong about some things, OP. It's going to happen pretty damn often, actually. Some of us are going to be wrong in really public and glaring ways (watch any given news story about politics; those guys pretty much make Getting Things Wrong In Public an Olympic sport).

We're ALL going to be disagreed with, sometimes by people who mean the world to us and their disagreement is going to be very, very painful. Sometimes we'll be disagreed with by people who don't even know us, but they'll make judgments about us anyway. Sometimes we'll be disagreed with even when we know, 100%, that we're right.

I don't know how old you are, OP, but learning to navigate life in general is about learning to navigate things like this and learning that as bad as they feel at the time, they are not the end of the world and you can pick yourself up and carry on. No one likes these processes, but they're how we grow as people. And if you try and avoid this feeling forever, you're going to miss out on so much.

Would you rather carry on being wrong without ever knowing it? Don't you owe it to yourself to learn as much as you can, and consider as many perspectives and viewpoints as you can? You still don't have to agree, but you will still benefit from learning how to empathize with a different point of view even if it's fundamentally opposed to yours.

Echoing the suggestions that it might be a good idea for you to work out where these feelings and fears truly come from. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt you couldn't make mistakes or there'd be a disproportionate punishment or consequence? Have you been blamed for mistakes or wrong info/choices that were out of your control? Parts of your fear sound a lot like perfectionism, and the fear of what happens if you get things wrong (so you don't do them at all, or avoid as best you can); do you see elements of that in other areas of your life? Obviously only you can think about these questions, but if this isn't just about Tumblr, then you really do need to get a handle on your fear, because it will limit your life like you won't believe.

You CANNOT live your life in fear of being wrong, OP. Because you WILL be, like every other single human being in history ever.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not trying to internet-doctor, but it really sounds like you have an anxiety disorder going on and it might be worth following up with a professional and seeing what they think.

That level of fear isn't normal. Heck, I can even pretty easily chart my anxiety with how easy it is to post something online, or reply to something. Bad days I have a dozen windows open with things I'll never post. Not even controversial things, just stuff like this.

Good days I'll post a dozen things and reply to dozens more.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

FWIW, I agree with this comment. When my anxiety is spiking I agonize over even the quickest, most neutral post; when I'm feeling better I look forward to seeing replies in my inbox and going back and forth.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

What would you say about some who has no issue commenting anon, but agonizes and over any comment logged in? I don't care at all about back or disagreements anon, but I get really stressed over those when I use an account. It got to the point where I could only leave really vanilla, positive comments without worrying.

If you don't feel comfortable about playing internet doctor, I understand.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

Not playing internet doctor, but thought I'd share my experience because I do the same thing. I feel much less stressed out by being anon, whether I'm expressing a dissenting opinion, expressing an opinion at all, or even just making comments like this one where I'm being honest about my own behaviors.

I do have an anxiety disorder which is linked to poor self-image and feelings of worthlessness, so I've come to the conclusion that the anon vs. logged in thing comes from a place of deep insecurity and a deep, deep lack of self-belief and sense that nothing I say has any worth whatsoever.

I've been raised to believe that everyone is judging me, all the time, and one false step will make everyone hate me. If I make a mistake, it's all over. If I come across as anything less than composed and unaffected, then I am ashamed. If I committed those errors under a name, then that brings with it shame and (like OP, I guess) the feeling that you'd have to just abandon that entire identity because there would be no coming back from it. It would haunt you forever, you'd always be "that person who did/said that one thing that time."

If I speak anon, like this, then I am just a random voice. There's no image to associate with, there's no reputation to worry about. On the flip side, there's no standing up for the things I believe in, or standing behind my opinions in a way that potentially has something to lose. So while I feel very liberated by going anon, there are times when I've wanted to say "hey this is me, and I stand by what I'm saying because it's important to me!" but the anxiety and fear makes that risk seem way, way too great.

I don't know if it's something similar for you, but I guess consider whether the shame/insecurity thing is a factor, maybe?