fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2971 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2971 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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I have a terrible relationship with food. I eat too little to avoid eating too much.

I have an hourglass figure, and I've always loathed it. Never liked it much on celebrities either, since all I see when I look at it is, not curves, but discomfort. For example, my breasts have always been a source of discomfort and my hips make me look and feel fat. I'm actually quite thin, but not thin enough to look as thin as I am while wearing clothing. My hips are 36 inches around the widest part of my butt (which is, by the way, nearly non-existent. I do not have much of an ass) and I want to be 34 inches. Like Candice Swanepoel, who is pear shaped, but has a broader set of hips, much like I do. I want to be perfect. I want to feel perfect. All while knowing full well I am trying to attain perfection in a world where it does not, and never will, exist.

But if I don't eat less, I'll eat pretty much everything I see, especially things of sugary content (even fruits! Far too many fruits). This will go on all day, all night, for months. I'll even spend a lot of money on eating out. I won't really gain much weight, my metabolism has always been pretty good to me in that regard. But I won't lose any either, and I'll become soft, and my heart will start to ache.

I don't know how to eat. I wish I could eat just enough of things so I'm never hungry, but NEVER full, and so I don't have to worry about:
A) Gaining weight from eating too much
B) Gaining weight from finally eating something after eating too little

I also have no self-respect when it comes to my physical being. I will eat too little and feel comfortable there, but I'm killing myself. Or I'll eat too much and end up cutting. I refuse to seek help, but I have decided to post this to get it out there. Something of a comfort, I suppose.

I'm stressed.

Uh, dude. Of course you're stressed. You're dealing with a dangerous condition and refuse to get help. I was stressed too in your condition.

I don't know your reasons for refusing to get help, but I will tell you I never could've gotten mine under control without professional help. I am all for the empowerment of the individual, but seriously. YOU ARE WORTH HELP. I understand if you're not in a financial, familial, or geographical position to do so, but do not let your self-hate prevent you from getting desperately needed medical care.

--Rogan

If you're willing to talk about it, anon - can you unpack for us why you refuse to get help?

I'm sorry you're going through that. It sounds awful.

Your relationship with stress obviously has a lot to do with your relationship to food.

The reality of your situation is that until you work on alleviating the sources of stress that underlie your compulsions regarding your diet, it's not going to resolve. I know this, because I am a recovered EDNOS sufferer, and I had habits and worries that are a lot like yours. I couldn't reverse my condition until I figured out what was causing it, and most of the time that isn't something you can safely do on your own.

You don't have to feel like this. There is a way out. Please see somebody about this.

[ SECRET POST #2971 ]

TW: Eating disorders and self-harm

Re: TW: Eating disorders and self-harm

Re: TW: Eating disorders and self-harm

Re: TW: Eating disorders and self-harm

Re: TW: Eating disorders and self-harm