fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2980 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2980 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Lots of multiple secrets in one comment this week, throwing off the count!

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 083 secrets from Secret Submission Post #426.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Chardmonster, are you okay?

This is your advice literally any time anyone mentions a relationship. I'm not saying this to be antagonistic, but that speaks to me of someone who is or has been deeply hurt.

I used to do the same thing; respond with negativity to everything. And it just made me hurt more, and stopped me from moving on, healing, and being happy. Life is so much easier since I started ignoring that instinctual urge I had to lash out whenever I saw something that displeased me.

May not be particularly relevant to this thread, but still.

Yeah :(

m not saying this to be antagonistic

Sure you aren't.

Okay, but sure: yes, I have been hurt deeply. But I'm also a heck of a lot wiser, and I'm not giving these answers because I'm dwelling. I'm giving these answers because people appear to be expecting fucked up things to be okay in their relationships because any alternative is being a jerk/bitch. And that's fucking toxic.

Look at this post. Even after reading what's supposed to be a sane explanation from the OP, this guy appears to have the mentality of a seven year old. "You won't leave so I'll fucking PISS ON THE TUB?" Seriously?

Dump his ass. Gently. Do not date a manchild. What the hell even is that behavior? No.

Different anon here.

Refusing to leave a bathroom so that someone can pee is also manchild-ish, isn't it? By that logic they should dump each other, shouldn't they?

I think one is more disturbing than the other. There's being stubborn, and then there's pissing on a tub

Whoever is the lesser dick dumps the greater dick, and all the lesser dick's dickishness is absolved because it's purely comparative? I don't think that's fair.

If OP had posted that their manchild boyfriend wouldn't leave the bathroom so she could pee and forced her to hold it to be a dick, you wouldn't be telling her to dump him for it?

I think you're working with this bizarre Unified Dickery Theory with rules that don't make sense. I don't care who's a dick. I care that a grown man pissed on a tub. Why are you defending gross shit?

If OP had posted that their manchild boyfriend wouldn't leave the bathroom so she could pee and forced her to hold it to be a dick, you wouldn't be telling her to dump him for it?

Well yeah I probably would. Because OP is the one who is here. If the OP who PISSES ON TUBS were here, I'd be like DUDE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, ARE YOU A SIX YEAR OLD BOY, WHERE IS YOUR ADULT

I'm with Chard, again -what the fuck is wrong with me, agreeing with Chard?-, that is an unhealthy relationship and it is a dumpable offense.

It's not about this thread. It's about a trend that I've noticed with the way you interact with people.

I genuinely wasn't trying to get at you. I'm honestly trying to help. If you're where I was, a very bad place that led to a severe mental breakdown, you probably will read this as me being superior and insulting you. I did too. Everyone who wanted to help me, I thought they were judging me. Everyone who was upset when I lashed out at them, I thought was considering me a burden.

I've been hurt too. I've been gaslighted by people I thought were friends. I've been told fucked-up things by a counsellor who was supposed to be helping me get better. I was angry and I hated everyone and everything. I don't like to see anyone else in that state because it's self-perpetuating.

I couldn't get better until I stopped using that stuff as an excuse to lash out (and hurt myself even more in the process). I couldn't get better until I learned painfully and difficultly how to cope with other people who annoyed me.

You have no reason to believe me, and I'm probably phrasing this really badly, but it's not pity. It's empathy. It's a bad and lonely path you're heading down. I know that from experience.

Okay, Anon, I totally believe that you're writing in good faith, but...

a very bad place that led to a severe mental breakdown

No. I'm not there. This might be me post-breakdown, but I'm not there.

I've been gaslighted by people I thought were friends. I've been told fucked-up things by a counsellor who was supposed to be helping me get better.

I got mistreated by an asshole. One. And then was surrounded by people who cared about me.

I think you're really reading a lot into posts on a forum. Are YOU okay?

I'm fine. Actually in a really good place right now. Apart from my unhealthy tendency to worry about internet strangers, haha.

Okay, well I'm in a pretty good place too! I had a really good day.

I'm pretty acerbic like all the time. Thank you for worrying about me but I'm really okay. Just cynical as hell. I always was but now I have a brand new thing to be cynical about. Whee.

You have seemed very cynical and negative about relationships recently, so I get where other anon was coming from.

Well I am. But I'm also okay.

I think people in fandom spaces are freakishly uncynical about relationships to a point where it's unhealthy.

Fair enough, I do agree with that. But there has to be a balance.

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