fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2988 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2988 ⌋

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So, I have a phobia of baked beans. An intensely strong one, if I see someone eating them it makes me feel panicky, the smell makes me feel sick, if I touch a plate that's had them on I feel like I need to wash myself all over and generally wash my hands with liquid soap and scalding hot water they disgust me that much.

This would be hilarious, I'm sure, were it not for the reasons behind it. I was sexually abused by my sister for all of my adolescence, and she constantly ate and smelled of baked beans which is is why I have the phobia.

My flatmate knows both that I have this phobia and that the reasons why, but she keeps fucking eating them around me. She gets full English breakfasts when we go out for meals (I have to look at the ceiling or floor until she's done), and yesterday she had baked beans on toast for breakfast in the flat. She made some concession to my phobia in that she cleaned and threw out the tin, but she left a disgusting congealed pan full of bean juice on the sink and now I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack every time I see it. Seriously, just the thought of it being there is making me tear up.

I hate that I'm being so melodramatic about this but it seriously does affect me that much.

I'm sorry, anon. I think cleaning up after herself is the least she could do. Can you talk to her about doing that much? Maybe in the course of a general discussion of cleaning responsibilities.

FUCK your flatmate. What the hell? She can't have it out at a restaurant alone? Or make it when you're not there and then Febreeze the damn kitchen.

Seriously WTF. That's not just cruel -- it's borderline torture.

What a piece of shit.

To be fair to my flatmate, she's not doing it deliberately. I think she's just underestimating how affected I am by them. She's never seen me freak out about it, only my partner sees that, so she has no reason to think that my reaction is that extreme.

She's a good flatmate in other ways and we get along well. I want to bring up the phobia thing again (we have already talked about it, and she agreed not to eat them in the flat, but I think she's forgotten).

Clear communication is your friend here, anon. Talk to her frankly about how she's causing you panic attacks.

I know I need to do that, I just don't want it to sound accusatory. I know she's not doing it to upset me. I'm just such a ball of anxiety right now I don't want it to come across wrong.

I'd just coolly remind her that she'll need to wash up her dirty pan ASAP. That would apply even if you weren't bothered by the scent of baked beans, because leaving one's dirty pots in the sink is what crappy roommates do.

I have the exact same thing it is not uncommon. I actually managed to get my uni to ban baked beans in the commissary because of it. So don't feel bad about that, you are far from alone. Ask your friend to go easy on the beans when you are around, maybe get a full Scottish breakfast instead of a full english (Scottish breakfast substitutes the beans for fried/grilled tomatoes). If all else fails, next time she makes beans when you are around, just don't suppress your gag reflex and actually upchuck onto the kitchen table, or even onto her beans themselves. It is gross but ought to do the trick. Apologise profusely like you didn't mean it, and offer to buy her dinner out, but remind her you did tell her they made you really pukey and that you've always done your best to not gag; just this time it was too strong.

The memory of you upchucking over her dinner ought to be enough to put her off beans for life, especially if you remember to bring it up (always in an apologetic, yet oddly graphic, way) a few times over the next few days to really create a strong association in her mind.

"I have the exact same thing it is not uncommon. I actually managed to get my uni to ban baked beans in the commissary because of it."

Cannot tell if serious or trolling.

Serious. Got a petition up, found other people with the same gag-response to baked beans, put in a draft letter of complaint to the office, and it got actioned on.

It is in no university's interest to have its students and staff having to resist throwing up during the lunch sitting.

She may have just forgot the pan thing. Seriously, baked beans are a normal food for a lot of people and most people don't think that far ahead. So even though she's trying to be mindful, things like that will fall through the cracks. Now if she's consciously doing that? Fuck her. Otherwise, to people like that anon, give her some slack. Just maybe reiterate and make sure she really knows it bothers you.

This. The fact that she cleaned and threw out the tin would indicate that she's at least trying to be thoughtful about it. She probably doesn't realize how much of a big deal it is.

She may be intellectually aware of your phobia and the reasons but it doesn't sound like she really truly understands its impact on you. Communicate your emotions to her, make and hold eye contact and let her know it's just too traumatizing for you when she does what she does. MAKE her understand.

[ SECRET POST #2988 ]

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