fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2992 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2992 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

[Grand Theft Auto 5]

__________________________________________________

03.

[Zipang]

__________________________________________________

04.

[Ricky Gervais]

__________________________________________________

05.

[Tokyo Babylon/X1999]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Dexter]

__________________________________________________

07.

[The Mentalist]

__________________________________________________

08.

[The Truth - Terry Pratchett]

__________________________________________________

09.

[It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia]

__________________________________________________

10.

[Douglas Adams]

__________________________________________________

11.

[Black Books]

__________________________________________________

12.

[Lucky Star]

__________________________________________________

13.

[Edward Petherbridge as Lord Peter Wimsey]

__________________________________________________

14.

[Ga-In, Brown Eyed Girls]

__________________________________________________

15.

[Oz the Great and Powerful]

__________________________________________________

16.

[Colin Baker]

__________________________________________________

17.

[9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors]

__________________________________________________

18.

[Yatterman Night]

__________________________________________________

19.

[Johnny the Homicidal Maniac]

__________________________________________________

20.

[Blake's 7]

__________________________________________________

21.

[Game Grumps]

__________________________________________________

22.

[Alexis Denisof]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 07 pages, 170 secrets from Secret Submission Post #428.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

OP here.

Ehhh she keeps following me around and as she's prone to shouting at you and getting controlly and agressive if you piss her off I humor her.

...And that's your definition of "friend"?

Because that sounds more like "stalker" to me.

Yeah that's part of the problem.

I'm not sure how to explain the situation. Have you ever had a classmate who is new and friendless, so you try to be nice to her, and then she decides you are friends even though you don't like her that much, but you don't want to be a bitch? And then she makes friends with your other classmates so trying to get her to leave you alone becomes super awkward?

That's her.

If she's friends with several of your classmates why are you worried about her being lonely?

Also, I totally get this because I also tend to feel bad for people who seem lonely and want to reach out to them and then feel guilty if I find them unlikable, but remember that at the end of the day you aren't responsible for her loneliness and should not compromise your emotional health for her sake. Especially if it's evident that her having problems making friends is because she's manipulative, stalkerish, rude, or something else like that. People like that have to really want to change to change; otherwise, you can't help them - and if you don't know her very well how can you know if she wants to change?

I was asking because I had a shouting argument about the fact that I don't want her to meet my other friends and I needed some validation after her verbal lashing. I might have made her seem more sympathetic than she is.

You have no obligation for her to meet your other friends - especially if you know they won't get along.

*has 3 friends I don't dare to intro to each other because it will be a disaster. They've already got into a 3 way fight on my FB.*

Okay, this sounds like a real unpleasant situation. I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation, but I don't think you should go out of your way to invite her to hang with your other friends, especially if you don't want to spend time with her in the first place. You said she had already made other friends? I know it sucks but you'll probably only be causing yourself (and maybe her, in the long run) more misery by acting like you enjoy her company.

...ok I was editing my comment because I realized it sounded kind of rude.

But honestly, that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. o__O

Yes, I'm looking into a way to get her to leave me alone, but the way the situation has progressed has made it very hard to do it without hurting both my academic and my work career.

How so? Genuinely curious now (I'm also in situations with my job where I cannot express my dislike for certain people without it having professional consequences, so even if I can't help, I may be able to commiserate).

Do you mind if I PM you? It's not the sort of situation I want to air out.

Go ahead!

After reading this - don't invite her to your geek friend hangouts. It could make everyone miserable or at minimum, just you if she's the kind to rant about your friends behind their backs at you.

Frankly, I'm becoming of the opinion that people like this need to realise they don't have any friends because of their inappropriate behaviour (controlly, aggressive, shouting - none of these are appropriate behaviours)

If you're reluctant to just cut ties, or unable to due to physical proximity, maybe you can direct her to local meetup groups with people who do share her interests and go with her to those - with the intention of hooking her up with more ppl to hopefully be friends with.

Oh god. Cut her loose, OP. It might feel easier to humor her for the short term, but this will only buy you long term problems and you'll regret it. Try using these phrases:

"Do not shout at me."
"I will not be spoken to like that."
"If you're going to shout at me and say mean things, I am leaving."

AND THEN LEAVE. The more you hang out with her and let her be shouty and controlling, the more you're teaching her that it's okay to do those things to you.

[ SECRET POST #2992 ]

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along

Re: Friends wouldn't get along