fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2993 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2993 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 123 secrets from Secret Submission Post #428.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 - pretty sure these are all the same spammer anon trying to win the non-existent "weirdest fandomsecret/sex fantasy" award. There are more I missed, and some that went up yesterday. If one of these is not the same anon, please PM me ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't think I'm ever going to grow up. I'm in my thirties, but I still turn into a child when I'm scared or make a mistake. My brain tells me that panicking and crying is only going to make things worse, but I do it anyway. Every time, I tell myself that next time I'll keep calm first. While I'm freaking out I think to myself that I know I'm handling it wrong, and I know I'm going to feel worse about myself after it's over. But I just won't stop.

Maybe you ought to focus less on how you "should" be and start working with making your genuine reactions work better for you. It sounds like you're already aware during the initial-panic stage that the panic is not what you want. The thing is, panic feeds on panic. So if while you're crying you're telling yourself "Stop it! This is useless!" you'll probably feel worse, not better.

Instead, consider that your fears are really trying to protect you. Fear exists to alert you to danger. Your brain doesn't know that, say, dialing the wrong phone number, forgetting about a bill, turning in a late assignment, or failing a test is not a potentially fatal threat. It responds to these threats by sending you loud warning signals. There's nothing the matter with you for doing that! It means that, deep down, your body and brain are doing the best they can to help you survive.

If you fight back against what your brain is doing, it's only going to make you go to war with yourself. Instead of trying to hurry up the panic stage, embrace it gently. There are different ways to do this. I sometimes picture someone or something else to represent my panicky parts, like a small child or animal. I use kind words in my head: "I know you're trying to help me. I know you're trying to keep me safe. It's going to be all right. Everyone makes mistakes. You have gotten through problems like this before, just like when xyz happened, and you'll be able to do it again."

I've also learned that telling myself that having strong emotional reactions is dumb or a waste of time only serves to undermine me. So what if later you'll feel fine about it? Feeling fine later does not invalidate your emotions right now. Emotions happen for a reason. They're trying to help, even when that help is all wrong. Would you accuse a crying, panicking friend of overreacting and being childish, or would you comfort and validate them? Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat your closest friend.

Kristin Neff explains this really well. (I feel like I'm becoming "that self-compassion anon," lol.) You can find a little introduction here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyl6YXp1Y6M

Thank you, anon. This makes sense and sounds like it could be really helpful.

DA, but thank you! This seems like a great way to deal with overwhelming emotions. I'll try it.

[ SECRET POST #2993 ]

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