fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2993 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2993 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 123 secrets from Secret Submission Post #428.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 - pretty sure these are all the same spammer anon trying to win the non-existent "weirdest fandomsecret/sex fantasy" award. There are more I missed, and some that went up yesterday. If one of these is not the same anon, please PM me ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm starting to doubt whether I'm ever going to be in a relationship or have sex.

I mean, I just feel like... how could I ever be in a relationship, at this point? How could I seriously go on a date? I mean, it just feels like there's so many expectations attached to the whole process of going on dates and talking to people initially, and I just have no familiarity with any of that. I'm just going to flail about horribly and fail and be awful. Especially compared to other people in my age bracket who are much more experienced. And there's a million other fish in the sea out there besides me, and I'm obviously not a great catch to begin with or a megahottie or anything - I mean, I'm a 25 year old virgin, so that much is clear - and it just all seems so distant from me and impossible for me. It's the kind of thing that happens to other people, and not to me. Falling in love and cuddling and having a companion in that way. I'm some kind of alien or something.

>at this point
>25

anon.

I'm 40.

relax. worry about "at this point" when you're 40.

Eh. I'm not a huge fan of this argument, because there's always someone older than you. It's turtles all the way down, as it were. And it's also not exactly a source of comfort.

To me, once you're older than about ~21 or 22, it's something to think about. Whether you're 24 or 44, it feels like you're kind of an outlier.

I'm...about that age.

Of course, I kind of decided to give up on relationships when I was in my late 20's and felt like anon. So I'm OK with it now.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't be so OK with it. Like, lots of people more messed up than I am get in relationships, I guess I could. But I'm just introverted enough to feel uneasy about trying.

I'm a 30 year old virgin. Not going to ask you on a date so we can solve this together though, it would just be creepy.

I started dating at the same age as you, with basically no prior experience before in my life. I felt the same way as you did (I don't know what to do, I don't know how to kiss, it's going to be so awkward and obvious) but when I started it was surprisingly fine and not an issue at all. If that helps.

It kinda does, actually, so thank you!

I'm in a semi-similar situation, in that I'm a 27 year old virgin with exactly one experience of dating, but I've a feeling I'm not going to be much use to you. I'm pretty solidly asexual and asocial, and it doesn't bother me any. I tried dating once when I was twenty, because a boy asked me and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and I just found it bizarre and mostly pointless. I kind of like the idea of a companion for friendship and cuddles reasons, maybe even a lifemate if one should happen on me, just someone to come home to every day, but sex and dating hold no appeal to me whatsoever. I always figured if I ended up with a lifemate, it'd be a friend that decided to stick around and be something more after we'd talked about these things some. Random dates with strangers ... I never understood the idea.

I doubt if that's of use to you, though. It sounds more like you want to try dating and don't know how, and I've got nothing. It always just seemed weird to me. If you're an alien, I'm one from a lot further away, I think.

I doubt if that's of use to you, though. It sounds more like you want to try dating and don't know how, and I've got nothing. It always just seemed weird to me.

Yeah, I think that's an accurate summary.

I don't really think you're an alien (or that I am, really), though. I'm glad you're happy (if you are happy with it, which was my impression). It's just frustrating sometimes, is all.

Feeling this way is more common than you think. I've had relationships in the past, but at this point I can't imagine how I will ever get into another one and I can't see it happening. I mean, I've done it before but it feels like that was just luck or a coincidence and not something I can replicate.

Dude, ok, I'm 24 and a virgin, and it's not because I'm ~ugly~ or whatever. Please stop attaching a shameful stigma to "virgin".

But that aside, um, you're 25. TONS of people are single at 25. Some have experience, some don't, and I guarantee you there are plenty of fish in the sea who either a) don't have any experience, like yourself, or b) won't care that you're inexperienced.

If it helps, I went on a date a few weeks ago with a 26-year-old guy. He's plenty social, very friendly, and cute (in my subjective opinion). But it was his first date. Ever. And I did not care.

I'm sorry, I didn't intend to imply that, but I can see how it read like that and I should have phrased it better.

Thank you for the kind words, though.

I think the problem is compounded by the fact that I tend to very much take people at face value - so I look at people and they're acting all high and mighty and mature and I kind of say "Oh, gosh, that's not me at all". And it probably doesn't help that the place I live in is... kind of insanely jam-packed with people in their 20s, and also has a gender balance that is intensely tilted and not in my favor.

But, again, thank you.

It's all good. Sorry for jumping on you like that, I think I overreacted.

If it helps, try to remember that people who act really high and mighty are often just putting on a show! People are not as together-and-with-it as they seem.

That sucks about the gender imbalance where you live. Would there ever be a chance that you could go somewhere to meet people? Maybe try online dating? (With caution, of course!!)

ngl, i first had consensual sex at 25 and had my first semi-healthy relationship at that age too. it was worth the wait.

[ SECRET POST #2993 ]

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