fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3004 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3004 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Mary Poppins]

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[Hoozuki no reitetsu]

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[Atonement]

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[Terry Pratchett and his daughter]

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[Insurgent]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #429.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What are times or instances where you adopt or adhere to a behavior or kind of thinking that's totally acceptable in your predominant social circle, that wider society might think of as pathological?

I'll give an example of mine: sacrificing your own comfort, resources, etc with no other motive than love or duty, and never with the intent to recoup the cost later, is seen as selfless and admirable where I was raised.

This has been such a strong narrative in my life that it informs my life choices well into my 20s, in spite of living outside of my birth community for almost 10 years. But in wider society, this is largely seen as a victim or martyr complex, and generally seen as either pathological or manipulative.

(I can assure you it's none of that. It's very common behavior where I come from, but it's from a rural community standpoint that uses the duty perspective rather than social exchange theory as primary method of interaction.)

I'm an atheist and I absolutely know better but I seriously internalized my childhood church's preaching about worthlessness and needing a higher power to love you in spite of it to redeem you. I will never not believe deep down that I'm a worthless piece of crepe that nobody short of a God could ever truly love.

worthless piece of crepe

I don't think crepes are worthless, I don't care what people say!

Pieces of crepe are pretty worthless to me. I want the real deal not a fun-size Sam's club sample.

"in wider society, this is largely seen as a victim or martyr complex, and generally seen as either pathological or manipulative"

Really? I think it probably depends on the person doing it, because behaving selflessly is seen as generally admirable pretty much everywhere (which in and of itself leads people who don't behave that way 24/7 into feeling relentless pathological guilt).

It's pretty obvious when that "selflessness" is truly manipulative, and it's fair to call people out on that. But that would mean everyone who devotes themselves to charitable works would be deemed manipulative and that just doesn't happen.

ayrt

And I 100% agree with you, but if you look into academic scholarship into this, most argue there is no such thing as a non-pathological version of self sacrifice. (I think it's bullshit, and there's a very clear when selflessness and self sacrifice is done only altruistically, rather than manipulatively.)

I say society in general, because while giving examples of my own behavior in a class about construction of self in society, most of my classmates were pretty astounded because they couldn't imagine doing the same stuff. (Except for one girl who grew up Irish Catholic, haha.)

Again, to me it also depends on what kind of framework you operate from. Since much of modern society comes at interactions from social exchange theory (I do this for you, so that you do this for me), doing something with no payoff is hard to think off.

I have a bit of the opposite, I think.

Not pathological level, but my family has a "anything for family" favour attitude (unless it's THOSE disgraceful relatives, but that's another story). For example, my parents would buy and ship expensive things for certain eccentric distant relatives. They'd pay up, but I always thought it wasn't very reasonable.

ayrt

DD: Actually I think that's also opposite of what I mean. While I mean self sacrifice and do anything for family, there's the understanding that the other party can't be gross about it and expect expensive shit sent to them, regardless of their eccentricity.

And the sacrificing party shouldn't make gestures that are not within their realm to express, which is then considered manipulative as it's apparent you're going out of your way to humor someone and expecting some kind of payoff.

Like, constantly sacrificing weekends off to help your family, or friends, is one thing. Buying goods from expensive shops unsolicited and sending them to distant relatives is just weird.

(Then again, I am poor, was raised in a poor community, and money never came into the equation of sacrifice, so this is a bit out of my league. Apologies if I came off as offensive in this comment, but I think I'm with you on this one.)

AYRT

Oh, it wasn't unsolicited. They asked my parents to buy the stuff, with specific instructions for what kind to buy :/

They never expected it immediately (so my parents didn't go too out of their way to buy it), and they asked at times when my parents could afford it, and they always paid up. The glaring problems with this for me were that the stuff was really, really unecessary, and my parents always agreed.

They could have bought similar but not exact stuff themselves (!!!), and without giving too much away, the stuff is of little practical use. And every time my parents would discuss what to say to their requests, I'd point it out. But they'd say no, it's ok because...family?

I wear button-up shirts and a suit jacket almost all the time. People initially think I'm dressed up for a reason, like I'm on my way to a job interview or something, but that's just how I like to dress.

ayrt

I like that! Then again, where I came from we have some weird, hierarchical expectations about dress, and tbh unless I'm on campus or in a clearly working class environment, I think it's weird for people to wander around in jeans or leisure clothes.

[ SECRET POST #3004 ]

Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

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Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior

Re: Normal vs abnormal social behavior