[ SECRET POST #3004 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3004 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Mary Poppins]


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[Hoozuki no reitetsu]


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[Atonement]


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[Terry Pratchett and his daughter]


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[Insurgent]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #429.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I loathe when people try to explain away my distrust of other women as 'internal misogyny' without even bothering to ask how I came to be that way.

Years of really shitty relationships with other women, some that were toxic, abusive, and manipulative, have me genuinely worried about it happening again. There is no one to blame other than the women (not men) who did this to me and having it completely erased to power someone's women-do-no-wrong feminist moment makes me so angry and hurt.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Don't you think this is kind of faulty reasoning, though?

Not that your emotional reaction isn't legitimate but it is isn't logical.

Because by that logic, someone that has terrible experiences with black people is justified in distrusting other black people.

Although I agree that the "women-do-no-wrong" movement is stupid as fuck.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not asking for my reaction to be logical, I'm asking for it not to be misunderstood or used against me in the 'women-do-no-wrong' way.

Also, since racism tends to come from bigotry and stereotypes, I don't see how your comparison holds up. Not to mention I'm specifically talking about not befriending other women, not being outright awful to them based on my past experiences.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Put it to you this way: if AYRT said she didn't trust men because she's been hurt by men too often, would she be getting the level of shit she's getting?

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

OP here, and thank you. Another part of what makes this difficult for me is that if I said 'men', I'd have women in droves comforting me and telling me how right I was feeling this way.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

That sucks, OP. I wish I were better versed in this issue specifically, so I could offer a suggestion for how to navigate situations with those people (if you wanted to).

It sucks because yeah, distrusting other women, broadly speaking, is probably easily construed as "internalized misogyny," but at the same time, it ignores gender differences in behavior? Like, yes, women are often victims of violence at the hands of men (for example), but it's also really common for women to be emotionally and verbally aggressive with one another ("Mean Girls," basically). We don't always characterize it as aggression because we consider aggression to be physical violence, but it can be. It's one of the ways women are taught to navigate the world, and it's absolutely a product of a sexist society (considering "feminine" violence not to be violence, women's socialization to treat each other as competition, etc.), but it is behavior that women themselves employ against each other.

So I'm sorry you've had those experiences and that people have diminished them. For me, while my most cherished and wonderful friendships have been with other women, so have the most toxic and damaging. It might be harder to find that emotional intimacy with my friends who are men for other gendered reasons, but that's part of why it's not as scary, for me. There's less risk (in that sense; there are, of course, other reasons why women might view friendships with men as more risky). I know those feelings aren't always "right" by some people's metrics, but your experiences shouldn't be ignored.

I wish we had a better climate for these conversations, too. I understand the defensive reactions people have, but surely there's a way to discuss this kind of thing without making assumptions right off the bat. Whatever happened to that silly "can we unpack this?" question?

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

The worst part is those people are the ones that think blatantly distrusting all men because of a bad history with men is fine. But you distrusting women for the exact same reasons is horrible and ungood. :\

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

There is no one to blame other than the women (not men)

Bullshit.

Where do you think women pick these behaviours up from? Violence and abuse are not traits inherent to women. These women who you have had difficulties with, their behaviours are informed by the society the live and thrive in. The world is run by males on their own terms, the women you've encountered have adopted these traits as a means to survive.

It's sad, but it is not their fault, and it is not the only way for women to survive in this world.

more and more feminism is giving women options to gain power while retaining their ability to love and nurture.

I'm sorry about what has happened to you, but please put the blame where it belongs.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

"Violence and abuse are not traits inherent to women."

LOL.

Though in all seriousness, you're correct; they're traits inherent to ALL human beings given the right stimulus.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

So you say it's not their fault that some women are violent and abusive, but then you say there are other ways for women to survive. That's contradictory. If there are other ways and a woman chooses violence and abuse, that is her fault. I agree that the root of what drove her to have to choose needs to take a larger part of the blame than any individual woman, but that doesn't absolve the woman of any blame at all. And anyone who's been the target of her abuse has the least obligation of anyone to forgive her.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

OP and fuck you very much for twisting the context of my words, just like every other person who sees red when I say I don't trust women.

There is no one else to blame FOR MY SITUATION, since you are so desperate to use my experiences against me, other than the women who hurt me. Men didn't make them do it, they were all adults who did it themselves, and they were ALL WOMEN.

Re: Unpopular RL Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Holy shit, you just straight-up said that when women do bad things, it's men's fault. We can't hold any woman responsible for anything she does. Wow. You're a real piece of work.