fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3006 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3006 ⌋

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So, suicide. I think about it a lot. Before you freak out or something I'm not at all depressed and I'm not going to do it, I only think about it a lot. It occurs to me that I could. I could run into the street. Or stab myself or something. Or take a whole bottle of pills. I could do that. I won't, though, because I don't want to die.

Whenever I mention these things occur to me at all people look at me like I'm nuts but it seems pretty normal to me to have these thoughts occur to you but not act on them. Am I weird or are they weird?

They're intrusive thoughts

If I don't find them intrusive, are they intrusive?

I pick up a vial of acid and go "ha it's acid it'd suck if I poured it on myself but I totally could do that" and make a note of that and move on without pouring it on myself. It doesn't feel like someone else is intruding, it's more like my own stray thoughts

I think they meet the definition:

Many people experience the type of bad or unwanted thoughts that people with more troubling intrusive thoughts have, but most people can dismiss these thoughts.[1] For most people, intrusive thoughts are a "fleeting annoyance." Psychologist Stanley Rachman presented a questionnaire to healthy college students and found that virtually all said they had these thoughts from time to time, including thoughts of sexual violence, sexual punishment, "unnatural" sex acts, painful sexual practices, blasphemous or obscene images, thoughts of harming elderly people or someone close to them, violence against animals or towards children, and impulsive or abusive outbursts or utterances.[6] Such bad thoughts are universal among humans, and have "almost certainly always been a part of the human condition".[7]

From Wikipedia.

I think some people are just naturally morbid. I don't think you're weird, just morbid. That's okay, too.

I think maybe I am a little. Whenever things like the plane crash happen and people ask those old rhetorical questions "can you imagine that happening to you? can you imagine being on the plane?" and I go "uh sure? yeah? I can imagine that" it weirds them out.

I suppose people expect "omg nooo" or something.

I don't think it's completely unusual to think about suicide when not depressed. For me it often goes together and when I'm the most suicidal is when I'm the most stressed and feeling done with life, but that ideation doesn't just go away when I'm feeling better.

Even if you're not depressed you may want to talk to a professional about it. Most people are not going to understand, most people barely understand suicidal ideation in a depressed person so you'll be hard pressed to find someone who understands it in a non depressed one.

There's a lot of morbid things I think about, not only suicide. "This tree could fall on me and I'd die" "if this were poison I'm so dead lol" "wouldn't it be awful if this building collapsed right now?" "I'm holding a knife, wow, this is a weapon, I could theoretically stab someone"

They don't bother me though and they're never things I'd act on.

It might not be anything then. A lot of people have morbid thoughts that they don't act on or vocalize. Most people just aren't comfortable discussing them which is why you're getting the reactions you are.

I do the same thing and don't typically dwell on it, but I do have times when it bothers me (the whole "This building could collapse", "This elevator could plummet", "Someone could walk in right now and shoot me", "Maybe my brother is late because he got in a car accident" kind of thing).

I feel like a lot of it could just be morbid thoughts, but in my case I feel like it's a combination of being morbid and anxious. (Because I can get quite anxious.)

You're not weird. You're pretty normal, I'd say. It's not strange to consider the fact that you could just kill yourself if you ever needed to any more than it is to consider what could happen in any other extreme circumstance (ie. zombie attack, sudden military invasion, etc).

In fact, this doesn't worry me at all. By all reports, this is an exceedingly normal thing to do... just most people when they fixate on potentially destructive/life ending scenarios tend to think about other things.

I would only be worried if you were to tell me that this was a fantasy you can't stop having or that you were making plans to go through with it.

Nothing like a fantasy and no plans to go through with it, nope. They occur to me in the same way as um... if I'm using scissors, my thought process sometimes goes "these scissors are red" "these scissors are sharp" "wow I could stab myself" then I go on cutting paper or whatever I was doing after noting those things. They have about the same level of importance, which is almost none.

Doesn't currently sound like much of a problem then. If they were ever to start making you uncomfortable or becoming frequent to the point where they're affecting your daily life, that's when I would tell you to go talk to someone about the issue.

Otherwise, don't worry about it. Everyone has those "what if I just jumped off this building" thoughts on occasion.

I do think you're just naturally morbid. You're not the only person who does stuff like that.

It's funny because I stand at windows thinking "I could jump and die right now... but I won't, because life is awesome :D" and it circles back around to me being pretty cheery overall

I had this one situation where I had a knife in my hand and I just casually placed it against my stomach tip first and was so, so close to actually pushing it in out of morbid curiosity...

That's pretty normal, a lot of people do have weird thoughts from time to time, and do exactly what you do - shrug and move on.

It's only if it's bothering you and interfering with your life, then it's an issue.

Hey, much better you can move on from the suicidal thoughts! Some people can't do that.

Intrusive thoughts, yet. I don't know if they're normal or not, however; I lived with them for years and years on end thinking that yes, that was just the way I was, but after I was diagnosed with clinical depression after all and forced to take on antidepressant therapy, they vanished.
Just my two cents and my experience isn't everyone's nor yours of course.

[ SECRET POST #3006 ]

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

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Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing

Re: TW: suicide, not about yesterday, not depressing