fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3009 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3009 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Peggy Carter]

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03.

[Robin Hobb]

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04.

[Fossil Fighters: Frontier]

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05.

[Katie Holmes/Jamie Foxx]

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06.

[Infinite Jest]

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07.

(Harry Potter)

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08.

[Hellsing]

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[Grimm]

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[CLC/CrystaL Clear]

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11.

[Stargate Universe]

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[Doctor Who]

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13.

[Robin Hood (BBC)]

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14.

[Tales from the Borderlands]

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15.

[Great British Bake Off]

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16.

[The Cure]

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17.

[Top Gear]

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[The X-Files]

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[Ron Perlman/Hannibal Chau, Pacific Rim]

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20.

(One Direction, Zayn Malik)

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21.

[Doctor Who]

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22.

[bokura no negai]

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23.

[Gunnerkrigg Court]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 071 secrets from Secret Submission Post #430.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey, F!S. I'm the anon who was having problems with their brother.

I just wanted to thank you for your advice and support. I still suffer from low self-esteem, so you have no idea how much it helps.

For an update: my brother told my dad that he hasn't tried to talk to me because his life is so "dramatic" and "crazy" that he doesn't have the time. But he still has the time to post guilt-tripping statuses on Facebook? Okay...

Apparently, he also asked my dad for money. My dad said no, because we've all learned our lesson about giving him money. (He blows it on something stupid and then expects more.) He then told my dad that he's "never been there" for him (total BS; my dad's lent him the most money out of all of us) and that he "never wants to speak with him again." So I guess that's the end of their communication.

Yeah, I no longer feel guilty about refusing to respond to him. I still love my brother, but he's just throwing another tantrum right now. I'm really glad I didn't message him and get pulled back into this mess. Thank you for helping me to see reality, F!S.

Maybe he means your dad's never been there for him on an emotional level? I mean, bro sounds like a piece of work, but there well could be more to this than "tantrum."

SA
But you're probably right to stay out of it.

nayrt - Yeah, sorry, but if you've hit your dad up for money multiple times, blown it on crap and then go back with your hand out for more of someone else's hard earned cash, you do not get to complain about people not being there for you emotionally. It's hard to be there emotionally for someone who only sees you as a walking ATM.

And if it was emotional support anon's brother was lacking, why did he make the mistake of asking for money rather than, you know, emotional support? Very revealing.

NAYRT
You really have to ask why a man wouldn't ask another man to be his emotional rock? Or even to fully recognize that was his need at the time? This isn't fiction, where the best and right path is always visible and waiting to be walked down. It's real life where emotions are messy and confusing, where people have layers and flaws and societal standards are an invisible hand adding pressure to all that.

But it might be nice to live in a 2D black and white world where you can be so sure that people who have problems or make bad choices only see other people as ATMs with legs.

The funny thing is that my brother WILL usually get people to talk to him by asking them to be his "emotional rock". He repeatedly begs for emotional support, making you feel bad if you ignore him. He'll cry and scream and threaten to commit suicide if that's what it takes to get pity. (FYI: He's 100% not suicidal. He's admitted to me and others multiple times in the past that he just says that to make people feel guilty.)

Then, once you take the bait, he'll subtly switch the topic to money. He's not happy with any solution to his problems that doesn't involve getting free handouts.

Most of our family has caught onto that particular trick, so now it doesn't work as well. I think my dad was hoping he genuinely just wanted someone to talk to, but it took about a day for my brother to ask my dad to pay for a plane ticket so he could go see his ex. Once my dad said no, my brother replied that he wished he "had better parents".

Trust me, he's just being petulant. I believe he DOES care about his family, and doesn't just view us as "walking ATMs", but he's ultimately a very self-centered, immature person, and I can guarantee that he'll be asking my dad to pay for something else next month.

LOL. Not all men are emotional cripples because of their upbringing. Not to mention that these social and cultural values that prevent real manly men from asking other men for emotional support should also prevent them from asking other men for money. And yet, OP's brother manages to fight the patriarchy long enough to get a financial handout!

So yeah, I don't put much stock in your theory, and it's nothing to do with a 2D black and white world. When people hit up relatives for money over and over again and blow it irresponsibly only to ask for more and use emotional blackmail if they're not indulged, they're NOT poor little misunderstood snowflakes.

I'm guessing that at one time or another, you needed financial help from a relative and this situation is hitting a sensitive spot. What you're failing to grasp is that the message isn't "Asking for help is bad!" but "Taking advantage of your loved ones is bad!"

This isn't really about you, you see.

No actually, I've been on the other end of this life you've imagined for me.

It sounds as if distancing yourself was for the best, anon. And you should give yourself full credit for recognizing a dynamic that was unhealthy for you and putting a stop to it.

There is one thing about your post that's still niggling at the back of my mind--which is that when we become preoccupied with somebody else's problems to the extent that you did (sacrificing your education and job opportunities, not to mention your sleep), it's often because there's something unresolved in our own lives that we're not prepared to deal with. If that's the case with you, I wish you good luck in resolving it.

Thank you. I agree.

I did have some unresolved issues with another family member for the majority of last year, but I've since dealt with them in therapy. Thank you for the well wishes though!

[ SECRET POST #3009 ]

Family Drama: Update

Re: Family Drama: Update

Re: Family Drama: Update

Re: Family Drama: Update

Re: Family Drama: Update

OP

Re: Family Drama: Update

Re: Family Drama: Update

Re: Family Drama: Update

OP