fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3022 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3022 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Angel]

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03.

[Steven Moffat]

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04.

[Harry Potter]

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[Trailer Park Boys]

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(The Little Flying Bears)

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07.

[Once Upon a Time]

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08.

[Felicia Day]

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[Doctor Who]

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[Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory]

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11.

[Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.]

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12.

[The Simpsons - Tapped Out]

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[Red Dwarf]

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[Kyuhyun/Super Junior]

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[X-Files]

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[Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy]

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17.

[Madame Secretary]

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18.

[Amanda Palmer]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #432.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I really hate it when guys say "I don't think women realize how much it hurts when they do that to us," with "that" usually being something along the lines of getting rejected, or saying "I love you" and not hearing it back, or having an emotionally distant partner.

Yup, all of those things hurt. And it also hurts when you do them to women. But they always seem to believe that the pain only flows in one direction, and that women just can't possibly understand it.

Yeah. It's weird, but so many guys behave like they don't realize women are human, with feelings much like their own. They'd never dream of being under the same obligation to never reject anyone for fear of hurting their feelings, because it's not what men are socialized to do. Being considerate and gentle is a woman thing, apparently.

It's as if we're separate species, and one is meant to orbit around the other.

Why is it that whenever someone I know complains about being rejected, it's always that person who rejects other people for superficial reasons and then makes a mean joke about it afterwards?

"A person I don't find attractive thought they had a chance with me! Ha ha ha"

5 minutes later

"Why won't these hot bitches love me?"

But don't you know, unlike those people he rejected, he deserves someone? And not just anyone, but someone hot? *eyeroll*

Duh!
And the women who are rejecting him are being shallow! Because he's such a nice guy!

I mean, all he wants is an attractive woman who thinks he's awesome. Why wouldn't the universe provide him one? Is he not entitled to a woman simply by virtue of existing?

It's almost like these women believe they have minds of their own!
D:

Oh man. I used to have this guy friend who bemoaned his single state (the term "friendzone" wasn't in play back then but the concept was there) and how women were so shallow because they wouldn't give him the time of day. I was like, dude, you smell/look like you haven't showered in three days, you dress like you're twelve and those jeans are so filthy they could stand up by themselves. You're already not the hottest guy out there, but personal hygiene goes a long way towards appearing attractive to other people. This guy was going to bars and getting rejected by women, walking away and thinking "Oh, they're so superficial, women only like dating assholes and bad boys blah blah blah not nice guys like me".

Later he asked me to help him write a personals ad, where he stated that he only wanted to date slender white women. No overweight, non-whites need apply. I AM AN OVERWEIGHT NON WHITE WOMAN. He hit on me too, but I'm guessing that was out of desperation. We're no longer friends.

Ugh, wow. If you're going to be that shallow, the very LEAST you can do is use some damn soap and water, and wash your clothes. Like, the bare minimum.

I KNOW. :( I'm not a neat freak about personal appearance, but regular showers, non greasy hair and clean clothes are the bare minimum, people. ESPECIALLY if you're going to cruise for the opposite sex.

Holy crap, man. What a jackass. I can see why you ditched him, heh.

I didn't even really ditch him, we just grew apart. I was pretty adamant I wouldn't date him because even if he shaped up on the personal hygiene front, he wanted kids like YESTERDAY and I didn't. He's married now, to someone who does not meet his high standards. But I think they're happy, so hopefully he's grown up a lot.

The one tine I ever ventured into a dating website was to see profile after profile of guys describing themselves as "cuddly" and the like but describing the type of woman they were seeking as only "trim and athletic." (To be fair, I have no idea what the women were saying in their profiles - I wasn't there to date women.)

It's fairly common for bitter guys to point out that lots of women only want to date tall men and say it's the same thing as guys not wanting to date overweight women. They're really, really insistent about how awful this is and how justified men are for being shallow because women are shallow. It'd be funny if it weren't so sad.

My response to that is that I see a lot more women willing to date short guys than guys who'll even admit they'd date a fat woman.

Yeah I've had mostly male friends growing up, and the ones who were perennially stuck dateless (not just the ones who went through dry spells now and then) were the ones who wanted women who were way out of their leagues, and only women who were way out of their leagues. To quote my younger brother:

"Girls are so shallow, they won't date me."

"What about (this girl) she seems like she likes you."

"But I don't want (that girl), I want (this much hotter girl)."

Ok.jpg. Girls are shallow, huh.

Of course the inverse could be said of most of women I've known who can't get dates/find anyone. It's not that they can't, it's that they've got a laundry list of "dealbreakers" which (surprise, surprise) define exactly the type of man most women want. And they themselves are not the kind of women most men want.

But I guess it's everyone's right to choose to be alone forever if they can't get that 110lb 5'7" 21-year-old blonde lady in the street, freak in the bedroom, or that 6'2" 28-year-old surgeon with a six pack who reads all of the authors you like and is masculine, yet sensitive.

Kinda reminds me of that Louis C.K. joke, about how while men have more potential to hurt someone physically, women will destroy your soul.

But it kills me inside when men (and even women) actually buy into that, and idealise the opposite sex (although in this case the idealisation is making that the other person cold and un-empathetic). Like, if these folk could just step back just a teense and not make it some broad Mars/Venus bullshit.

It's interesting, because I think a lot of times, where that comes from for a lot of dudes is that being open enough about their emotions to admit to being hurt by whatever's happened feels like they've done enough (partly, I think, as an unintended consequence of the spread of the idea that men are socialized not to express emotion).

That doesn't justify it; I think it's very much a preliminary step in the, you know, dialectic of being a human being. It's just interesting.

[ SECRET POST #3022 ]

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