fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3023 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3023 ⌋

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So my sister is planning to stop by and visit me. We're very close in age and I haven't seen her in a while (since I last visited my parents) and she's never dropped by before.

And holy hell am I stressed about it.

I know it's awful, but seeing her always makes me feel so terrible about myself.

She's super-successful in her field, has a wonderful boyfriend and tons of friends, great prospects in the future and is gorgeous.

I'm...not. I have zero friends. I'm on the ugly side of plain. I've never had a boyfriend (been on one whole date in my life). I have no social life. And I'm struggling so much in grad school that I'm afraid I'm going to fail out.

I just don't know what we're going to do while she's here. I basically just sit in my room online all the time when I'm not working/in class and have no idea how to entertain her. And I don't want her to realize how pathetic my life is.

Alright, well, first of all, that's my nightmare. Second, there's nothing you can really do to make it not hard. It's something that you're just going to have to endure. Third, I think you have to figure out a busy schedule and have things to do in advance that you've thought of - go to this place and do this thing, have dinner here, have drinks here, etc etc etc. A structure is going to make it so much easier than winging it tbh.

Also hugs if wanted, I'm sorry if you're getting stressed out.

The grass is always greener, OP. Chances are she has problems and insecurities she'll never share with you; maybe she struggled just as much in her studies, maybe there are relationship problems... you can't assume that because someone's life looks fantastic on the outside that it actually is. Even if that person is your sibling.

That said, if she truly does have everything together as much as you think, maybe you could ask for some advice for managing grad school, or some help with dating? It doesn't hurt to ask. Plus, confiding might bring you closer together and stop you feeling so stressed about your relationship with her.

Oh, I know she did.

She had it way harder than me growing up. Her undergraduate experience was hell compared to mine. She's also bipolar and sees a therapist.

But...she's really pulled her life together and is succeeding (though she barely talks to our parents anymore and my mom's really upset about that).

I just...it makes me ashamed that she's managed to pull herself together so well whereas my life is increasingly falling apart.

It doesn't help that we're not all that close anymore. I talk to her through email every few months and that's been about it.

Then... it seems like she really would be the best person to turn to in your situation, and maybe one of the most understanding people as well.

Everyone goes through rough times, OP. You don't have to be ashamed of the fact that you are at the moment, you just have to realize that when that happens it's okay to admit it and turn to others for help and advice.

Whether or not you want to use family for that or talk to someone else, I think it's something you need to think about if a simple family visit is causing you this much emotional discomfort.

I just wouldn't feel comfortable burdening her like that. I know she went through a phase where she was cutting and probably suicidal. I know she seems to be doing a lot better now (and I am happy for her despite how ashamed I am when I look at my life in comparison) but I don't want to unload my problems on her and risk having her backslide because of me.

And, like I said, we're not all that close anymore. The last time I visited her, I got the sense that I bored her and she just wanted me leave. She didn't say anything but the way she was acting made it kind of obvious.

Well in that case, it might make sense just to see a counsellor or a psychologist at school to have a talk. Specific counsellors can recommend practical solutions or just be there to listen, and in most Universities a certain number of therapy sessions are part of the student health plan so there's no cost to you.

Either way, if the stress is too much to handle there are people to help.

Honestly I feel that way about my mom. I'm like he less pretty, less loved, less successful version of her.

Fake a heart attack. if you don't know how, then make a foxglove seed tea, drink that, have a real heart attack (caution: may cause mild case of death). That'll get you out of it.

Look up some inexpensive real life stuff in your area. National/State parks. Museums. Live theaters. See what's going on, make a list of things you'd like to do but never had the chance, and take her to some of it. Parks usually have hiking trails, museums usually have free days where you can tour the exhibits for little or no cost, and live theaters sometimes sell cheap seats. It'll give you guys something to do and something to focus on other than comparing yourself to her.

And for God's sake, quit being so down on yourself. People don't get into grad school unless they're pretty smart, nobody has a social life in grad school, and there's a pretty good chance you're not as plain as you think you are. Think up a list of things that are awesome about you and quit comparing yourself to someone else. You have your own strengths.

Now's a good time to seize the opportunity to play tourist in your own city, anon. Even in a small town, there's got to be something to do, and if you're in a mid to large city, you should be set.

For indoor stuff, plan a junk food + movies/TV marathon or something. Shop and make dinner together one night. Get some board games.

Oh anon :( Try not to compare yourself to her. You're different people with different skills going through life at different paces. It's not a competition or race so try not to compare yourself to her and put your head down and chug through life at your own pace.

It's no lie your life is in a slump right now and it's unfortunate, but it's not a pathetic or lost cause. Just a bit rough around the edges and a work in progress. Setbacks happen :c Try to focus on enjoying your time together and the now, and redirect her from conversations on your life if it concerns you so.

Also could you possible join a study group or talk to your professors on why you're struggling? It is their job to try and communicate the info to you.

ETA: And after reading the posts, it's quite admirable what your sister has gone through. Again, you're going at your own paces. Does your school offer a therapist or counsellor? Someone unaffiliated with family to standin your court and help out like your sister got?

Edited 2015-04-15 10:40 (UTC)

[ SECRET POST #3023 ]

My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed

Re: My sister's planning to visit...and I'm stressed