Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2015-04-18 02:44 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2015-04-18 02:44 pm
[ SECRET POST #3027 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3027 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
__________________________________________________
03.
__________________________________________________
04.
__________________________________________________
05.
__________________________________________________
06.
__________________________________________________
07.
__________________________________________________
08.
__________________________________________________
09.
__________________________________________________
10.
__________________________________________________
11.
__________________________________________________
12.
__________________________________________________
13.
__________________________________________________
14.
__________________________________________________
15.
__________________________________________________
16.
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 099 secrets from Secret Submission Post #433.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
Maybe in regards to behaviors and actions. With physical traits, I don't think it's a red-flag to say that a partner shouldn't have to change the way they look for a partner.
There are choices between those two things, like talking about it like mature adults. It's not as black and white as you make it out to be.
It's not that it's black and white, it's that you keep having to bring up behaviors and "annoying habits" because those are things that are a lot more impactful and omnipresent.
Physical traits and preferences are largely arbitrary. We're not talking about "Stop spraying food on me at the dinner table, could you keep your mouth closed?" we're talking about "Rid yourself of this natural trait that you and ever other person is born with."
Being forced or unduly pressured is one thing. Being asked about something with the knowledge that saying no is totally okay is another. Nobody, including OP, is saying that the armpit hair is a dealbreaker, only a turn-off.
Telling someone that you don't like someone is pressure, even if it's slight. Yes, they can say no, and since you're a mature person, you'll drop it there, but the pressure was still applied.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-04-19 04:37 am (UTC)(link)Shaving is not "changing the way you look," it's a minor hygiene alteration. It'd be more akin to asking your partner to brush their teeth more often because they're prone to bad breath otherwise - it may not be an issue at all outside of the relationship, but if it's a turnoff for your partner, it's something that's probably worth addressing.
You're being ridiculously hyperbolic about this entire thing. There's nothing bad or wrong about asking a partner to make minor changes to make the overall relationship happier. Mature adults are able to recognize that they aren't perfect and that sometimes it's worth compromising on something small for the sake of something else that's more important.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-04-19 04:49 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-04-19 04:55 am (UTC)(link)If I do shave, it's not a problem at all.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-04-19 05:11 am (UTC)(link)It's disingenuous to try and re-frame this as a hygiene issue. The thread you so helpfully jumped into was about cosmetic changes to the body, not about hygiene.
no subject
Body hair isn't a character flaw.