fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3052 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3050 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Falcon Densetsu/F-Zero GP Legends]

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(Stephen Paul Manderson aka Professor Green, Never Mind the Buzzcocks)

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[Elysium]

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[Jeremy Renner]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #436.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm still confused and trying to get used to it. I identified as asexual before, it was the one thing that I find to actually fits me and I've been identifying strongly with and still do, I am attracted to people of both genders just not for a long time, at least not enough to decide if it can go to a sexual level (how does a sexual level work anyway?) but they are definitely not platonic. It took me years to find a fitting label, and now I'm confused all over again. Yay.

I also realized why I was so bitter and frustrated about LGBT issues all this time. Of course you would be less than pleasant about it if you are a decent human being, but what makes me mad the most was not the balatant homophobic things, but the casual attitude I'm surrounded with. My country is not the most homophobic and is getting better with time, but there is still the casual attitude that we are "others", not normal. One of my classmates wondered why lesbians don't just transgender into men, the comments in an article about the pride day in a website mostly for teenagers and one of the more progessive sites I know are generally "it's okay that you are gay but have you considered not being too gay", yaoi being massively popular here and some fans can come off as very fetishizing... And you know what the worst is? That when I was in junior high, the lesson about love and marriages (not sexual education, that one I've never actually had) in our compulsory textbook says that love is between a man and a woman, that marriage is to have kids. I never understood why that stays with me so much and still makes me mad to this day.

Since going to university I've accepted that I'm not straight, and thought I've came to be at peace with my sexuality. But now I'm back to confused, frustrated and wanting to scrap all my feelings and not feel anything at all.

Rant over. I'm so sorry I subjected you all to it, I just needed some place to vent and figured you would the least judgemental for it (the anonymity helps).

Thw attitudes really suck. Of course it could be worse, but it's still uncomfortable, no? Especially when you feel like stuff like that isn't going to change within your lifetime.

Where I'm originally from there's a lot of conflating people being attracted to the same gender to wanting to be the opposite gender. I don't even want to go into the gender issues. Where I am now isn't much better.

I was raised and schooled Catholic, so that marriage is ONLY between a man and woman to have kids is ahahahahhaha. This place isn't Catholic but ugh that's still a thing. That's still a thing in too many places.

And I'm not bisexual, but my god the biphobia/bi-pan drama even in LGBT+ spaces. I think I'm asexual, but no way I'm telling anyone that. My goal is to find a tax benefits-only spouse who's in a similar boat so I can present as straight.

Yeah, sexuality.

*waves at you from across the internet*

*waves back and maybe internet hugs if you are comfortable*

Yeah sucks that no matter how much more progressive society is becoming it's very unlikely LGBT people are gonna get the equality we desire anytime soon.

My country is mostly atheism, with Buddhaism being the biggest religion so religion is not the problem, it's that we are still very traditional and the nuclear family is still very much considered the norm and ideal.

I'm actually considering never getting married. Too many complications and I don't think I'm the commitment type.

What you described would be called "Biromantic Asexual" btw :)

or just a bisexual with little interest in sex, there's no need to split hairs like a tumblr user

People generally suck, OP. They suck because it's usually too difficult and counterintuitive for them to really try to understand the world from someone else's position. Rather than try to change that whole cloth (although sometimes it's worth it to try to change someone's mind if they are willing to listen and receptive to change) it's usually just best to try to find a good balance of not giving a shit about what they think of you and still caring enough to educate when necessary.

In other words, it's okay to write people off as ignorant assholes some of the time so that the garbage they've been taught to spout doesn't affect you too deeply. That's just looking out for your own well being. But don't blame them too much, sometimes you will have the opportunity to change someone's mind, and you should always take that opportunity if you want the world to change eventually.

P.S. You are the only person who gets to decide if you are sexual, and being sexual is as simple as wanting to have sex (whatever kind of sex it may be) with someone. Whether or not you are sexual, keep in mind that this status can and does change! Our physiology, hormones, and attitudes are not static and you might find yourself feeling sexual for a while only to go back to feeling asexual later.

I do wish that I can just ignore people but it can becomes so exhausting, especially when you are the type of person who cares too much about what others thinks of you no matter how much you wish you aren't.

I don't blame people who buy into bigotries they grow up with, after all I grew up with them too. I do try to correct people when I can, fortunately most people I know can be pretty open minded.

Thanks for your advice. I did think that the asexuality thing may change, since I didn't know if it has to do with me being socially awkward. Appeparently it also partly repressed sexuality. Ha. For now I'll just go with bisexual.

Hey, it's all good. You're figuring yourself out (again), making sense of it, and not everyone gets to land on a neat and easy label. And even when you reach a conclusion, it may be it turns out you have exceptions, stipulations, and moments where it's not so firm you think you should have completely disregarded the answer you came to.

Again, it's all good. Whether you get to your perfect label, your peace, or you're no longer giving a single fuck, it's ultimately your own to define. You sound level-headed about introspection anyway imo, but here's some cheering you on over the internet :)

"yaoi being massively popular here and some fans can come off as very fetishizing..."

ahaahaha oh god I love making fun of teenagers. At the same time I have to remember things like that are good intentions coming from a ridiculously misguided place. Best you can hope for is that those types come back down to reality and engage with real affected people, and realise conflating idealisation and fantasy in fiction for them is not the same. Learning process and all.

Also, "it can always be worse" is a lazy dismissal. I find "it can be always be better" to hit the right optimistic slap to the back of the head ♥

Why must human sexuality be so confusing. Why must my sexuality be so confusing.

I do hope that they would grow up, I was once a yaoi fangirl too but came to realize how bad it can be. But for now, all the squeeing regardless of place and idealizing and pretending that lesbians don't exsist can be really annoying. At least it's getting better, I remember when I was younger there would be made up stories of dramatic gay love (that I believed was real but upon remembering were obviously fake) and bragging about turning their brother gay. It doesn't help that they are everywhere.

Thanks for your encouragement!

[ SECRET POST #3052 ]

I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)

Re: I've just realized I'm bisexual and (rant about sexuality, so very sorry)