[ SECRET POST #3056 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3056 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #437.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[belladonna_took]

It wasn't actually me having the sex, it was a friend of mine and his now boyfriend. They went upstairs at a party to have sex, and I got a call on my phone from my friend while I was outside having a drink. I was pretty confused, because he gave me a very unsubtle "I'm about to get laid" smile just before this.

If anyone doesn't know what a toggle clasp is, google that now.

So it turns out my friend has a genital piercing, and his new friend also has a genital piercing. Do you see where I'm going with this? They were doing whatever they were doing, and somehow their piercings got locked together. Anyway, this caused a fair bit of pain and panic, and they couldn't fix it themselves for some reason.

So this is where I come in. I get a call, and I answer it, because I'm an idiot. My friend tells me to come upstairs immediately. I tell him to fuck off, because I love the guy, but I'm not having a threesome just so he can bang a bicurious dude or whatever the hell is going on. So my friend has to explain everything to me over the phone while I'm outside, trying to keep a straight face and not laugh or laugh cry.

I liberated a pair of dishwashing gloves, because I don't just go around touching dicks in an unsexy way with my bare hands. At this point I've gone into nurse mode. So I went upstairs like a boss, turned on the very bright light and I fixed it with minimal effort, because I have a bracelet with one of those clasps. I know how they work.

So this is essentially the story of why my friend's boyfriend can't look me in the eye, and also why my friend likes to tell everyone when he's drunk that I'm the best friend ever, but won't give an explanation for it.

I'm actually glad I get to share this with someone because it's hilarious and mortifying and I've never told anyone I know IRL, because I'm a nice person.

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[(Anonymous)]

I'm trying to imagine the logistics of this, and I'm very confused. I know there are ring piercings, so...there's also a penis piercing that's like the straight rod part of the toggle clasp?

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[belladonna_took]

Yes. One was a closed ring and the other was a straight bar. I don't know the fancy names for them because honestly I have no interest in genital piercings.

I could have happily lived my whole life without ever seeing one in person, and now I have seen two.

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Awww. It sounds pretty funny, although I'm sure it didn't feel that way at the time.

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[intrigueing]

OMG this is one of the funniest sex stories I have ever heard in my life :D

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[belladonna_took]

I'm glad it was funny to someone.

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[(Anonymous)]

That's pretty funny (and the best part is, the embarassment was someone else's!)

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[belladonna_took]

I feel like I cheated in this thread, but I was embarrassed too. So. *shrug*

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[(Anonymous)]

Ah, well, as long as you were embarassed, too, we'll let it slide! :) It sounded like you were a total, non-embarassed, penis-detangling badass.

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[belladonna_took]

This is how I'd like to be remembered at my funeral.

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[(Anonymous)]

That is amazing.

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

[belladonna_took]

:D