fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3056 ]

[ SECRET POST #3056 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3056 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #437.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

An embarrassing experience you've had involving sex, (or masturbation, or erections, or unsuccessful attempts to get sex.) Tell us your most embarrassing/unfortunate one!

100 bonus points for doing it un-anon.

Well...I sort of masturbated at school? Like, it was in earl elementary school and kindergarten so I didn't really know what I was doing, but it's sort of embarrassing in retrospect.

I peed a little when I came once.

Are you sure it was pee? Maybe you just ejaculated! I know the first time it happened to me, I didn't really get it and thought I'd peed, but a little research and some more experimental masturbating (I usually can only squirt from g-spot orgasms, not clitoral), and I realized I'd stumbled onto a very nice thing.

When I was twelve, I looked at an image gallery of girls in swimsuits on my mother's computer. She checked her history and made me click through the entire gallery again while my face grew redder and redder. (She was actually amused--there wasn't even any nudity.)

that seems like kind of a creepy and sadistic "punishment" for just being a tween with sexual urges

Re: Most embarrassing personal sex story you've got

feotakahari - 2015-05-18 04:23 (UTC) - Expand

Doing a 69 with my at the time boyfriend that resulted in some of that loose skin at the base of his dick getting caught in the gap between my front two teeth.

ROFLOL. How did he react?

It was really late at night, and my boyfriend had pulled the car over in an almost empty, secluded park parking lot. We were getting hot and heavy, and pretty much were having sex in the car when we noticed one of the cars we thought was empty had a guy in it and he was just watching us. So embarrassing and kind of creepy. Guess we were asking for it, but still.

Farted loudly when my boyfriend was eating me out. It smelled bad too.

I bet everyone on earth who has sex regularly has done this at least once.

Ahh sex farts. No worse than regular farts, but worse because you're right up close.

Early in my sex life, at college, girl was talking to friend and then I came in and we did stuff and she'd turned her monitor off but not, as she thought, stopped video.

Girls friend told her about it about 2 hours later. Swore up and down as soon as she saw what was about to happen she closed it on her end. We hope that's true but still embarrassing.

Also, not me, but gotta post (should I read this as a vocaroo? I'll do it)

I honestly cannot imagine being able to hold that much liquid in my vagina. Or that having diet coke in there would be good for it.

I don't think this is real.

I make a freshly chopped black bean salsa with lots of lemon and jalepeno peppers.

I put said salsa in the fridge to chill while I wait for my friends to come over.

I neglect to wash my hands after chopping jalepenos and squeezing lemons.

In the hour or so I have to sit around before my friends arrive, I lock myself in my bedroom and open up some porny fanfic.

You see where this is headed...

Ow ow ow ow ow ow...my nether bits are shriveling just imagining it.

You are not alone in this kind of mistake.

When I was in my first year of college and still living with my parents, my younger brother walked in on me with my boyfriend on the living room couch. To be fair to us, we'd thought the house was empty, but we still probably should've gone to my bedroom.

That's really mild, I know, but it's the only thing I can think of, so I guess I've been lucky in that regard.

Okay, so this one time when a guy I used to be best friends with decided he was curious what it was like to have vaginal sex with someone, but he decided to exploit a loophole so he wouldn't have to think about it as "this one time I had sex with a girl" and ask me, his transgender best friend. We were 15 or 16 at the time, blah blah blah, the details of the arrangement aren't really important, once you get past all the details and such, he couldn't get it up. And bless his poor soul, he tried his best, but soon as the vagina came out, it was like someone flipped a light switch.

We had to solve this problem by handcuffing him to a chair, blindfolding him, and getting his boyfriend on the phone. It was every bit as awkward as it sounds.

It wasn't actually me having the sex, it was a friend of mine and his now boyfriend. They went upstairs at a party to have sex, and I got a call on my phone from my friend while I was outside having a drink. I was pretty confused, because he gave me a very unsubtle "I'm about to get laid" smile just before this.

If anyone doesn't know what a toggle clasp is, google that now.

So it turns out my friend has a genital piercing, and his new friend also has a genital piercing. Do you see where I'm going with this? They were doing whatever they were doing, and somehow their piercings got locked together. Anyway, this caused a fair bit of pain and panic, and they couldn't fix it themselves for some reason.

So this is where I come in. I get a call, and I answer it, because I'm an idiot. My friend tells me to come upstairs immediately. I tell him to fuck off, because I love the guy, but I'm not having a threesome just so he can bang a bicurious dude or whatever the hell is going on. So my friend has to explain everything to me over the phone while I'm outside, trying to keep a straight face and not laugh or laugh cry.

I liberated a pair of dishwashing gloves, because I don't just go around touching dicks in an unsexy way with my bare hands. At this point I've gone into nurse mode. So I went upstairs like a boss, turned on the very bright light and I fixed it with minimal effort, because I have a bracelet with one of those clasps. I know how they work.

So this is essentially the story of why my friend's boyfriend can't look me in the eye, and also why my friend likes to tell everyone when he's drunk that I'm the best friend ever, but won't give an explanation for it.

I'm actually glad I get to share this with someone because it's hilarious and mortifying and I've never told anyone I know IRL, because I'm a nice person.

I'm trying to imagine the logistics of this, and I'm very confused. I know there are ring piercings, so...there's also a penis piercing that's like the straight rod part of the toggle clasp?