[ SECRET POST #3056 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3056 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #437.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I know it has to be an awful situation for her to be in (I try to think about myself in the same situation, but reversed, and I would be miserable) but I just wish she didn't have to talk about how fucked up asexuals are. She doesn't know that what she says applies to me, but it does, and it hurts me to hear it.

She could do the mature thing and talk to your father about it, or realise it's partially her fault for not talking about it prior to marriage and children, but that would be to put blame or responsibility on herself.

Maybe it's not fair to say this, but I do feel like some of the blame should be put on her. He's always been like this according to her, even when they very first started dating, and when I asked her why she married him, she said she thought he would change after they were married. Then when it didn't change, she stayed with him because of my brother and I, and after we were grown, it was for financial reasons (they own a business together).

She's said she "really does love" him and doesn't want to leave him but she thinks the answer is that he needs to have sex with her even if he doesn't want to. I've even suggested having an open marriage (discussing open marriages with your mom is weird, but she started the whole TMI thing, so I went with it) but she doesn't want to do that, either. No open marriage, no splitting up so she can find someone she's more compatible with, just "he needs to shut up and do it because he's the one with the problem, not me" which I don't think is really fair.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I think what Anon meant by "but that would be to put blame or responsibility on herself" was that your *mother* would have a hard time accepting any scenario that involved her being in any way at fault, and from your description of her, that appears to be true.

It sounds like she's clinging stubbornly to an ideal life script she assumed she'd be living out and won't let go of that even if it might make her happier. It may be irrational, but a lot of people do get very invested in that kind of thing and may count themselves as failures if it doesn't work out.

I have to have some sympathy for her not wanting a divorce or open marriage, as those things are often easier said than done, particularly if money is an issue and she loves him. (I'm not saying that couples in open marriages don't love each other, but not everyone is interested in sex outside of a romantic/affectionate relationship and not everyone is poly, either, so expecting a woman who loves her husband to just go and get a boyfriend like it's no big deal - and would take no effort - would be a bit unfair.) It's also possible she feels she is too old to attract a new partner and putting herself in a position where she'd be allowed to find one would be opening herself up to the possibility of failure.

Still, she's obviously not blameless here and while blaming others might make her feel self-righteous, it's clearly not improving her situation or her actual happiness levels.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm the person who expressed a certain amount of sympathy for your mom, but that was assuming she didn't know when she married your dad that she was getting the Last of the Shakers. If she went into the marriage and then continued in it expecting him to change for her, that's entirely different. She really has no call to be regarding herself as a victim in that case.