fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3079 ]

[ SECRET POST #3079 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3079 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 049 secrets from Secret Submission Post #440.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Any of you remember reading any fanfics you thought were unbearably pretentious? Here's the place to lol about them! You can also post the title and link if you want/if you remember it ;)

my proust/harry potter fusion will be once i actually write it

La Prisonnière d'Azkaban

loooooooool that is too amazing for me.

Best. Comment. EVER.

All the ones that are like this:

i.
he ate a sandwich and cried. the tears rolled down his face.

ii.
words words words words words. when will it end? when will any of us end?

iii.
they had sex the end.

YES

I've read that one before!

Wait...

HAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU

Although to play devil's advocate, I have read some decent ones in that format.

Uh, YOU were the one who introduced me to Katie Forsythe.

Just typing the name makes me crack up at remembering how far up her ass she is about her Sherlock Holmes fic.

Anything by rageprufrock.

...I actually really love her fic.

Granted I've only read one: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1564184/chapters/3319019

It's a Captain America with Steve Rogers born as a girl fic.

I LOVE it. Wish it would update. What is pretentious about this person's fic?

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

(Anonymous) - 2015-06-10 00:33 (UTC) - Expand

+lol

It was some of the first stuff I read iirc, but oh god yeah

Can't remember names in particular. I do know that Harry Potter has always been the worst for them from personal experience.

Usually for fics staring either Harry (as a god mode Stu) or Snape (as fanon!Snape).

those fics that. thinkitmeanssomething if they just

ignore

punctuation and spacing (space stars shine bright reflect in the oilrainbows in the puddle at the crimson-stillettoed feet of the prostitute standing in the rain) and.

break broken break rules of sentence structurestructurestructure and don't understand. deep heart-deep understand.

...that breaking writing rules this way is a narrative device done for a reason to convey feelings and meanings and ideas that can't be conveyed otherwise, not lace ruffles to disguise the fact that your story is a vapid piece of styrofoam fluff.

hdu


         i
am
    ee
           cummings

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

(Anonymous) - 2015-06-10 01:46 (UTC) - Expand

I'm laughing but at the same time I've read a few fics in that format that I genuinely found to be excellently written.

(Despite the spacing, not because of it.)

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

(Anonymous) - 2015-06-10 01:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

elaminator - 2015-06-10 01:48 (UTC) - Expand

UGH THIS THANK YOU

god i hate that shit

That one Harry Potter fic where Petunia marries a scientist or something and then the entire fic is about Harry being a pretentious douche and the author point out everything he thinks is wrong with the Harry Potter books and how much better he can do things.

Oh how I hate that fic.

Methods of Rationality

It's fucking awful, I agree.

It's a mouthpiece for the author and it's so fucking blatant.

Oh yeah, that shit. I think that story would've been pretty funny if it were about 3,000 words long. But it wasn't, so it was just bullshit.

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

(Anonymous) - 2015-06-10 03:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

(Anonymous) - 2015-06-10 03:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

caerbannog - 2015-06-10 07:51 (UTC) - Expand

Alone on The Water. Bleh, I feel like I'm drowning reading that thing. Completely disregarding the part where I think it may as well be a story about OCs, and enjoyable if you work yourself up into a mood for it, it's too much for me.

Probably a lot of mithrigil's longer work? All He Ever Wanted (Hetalia) and its surrounding fandom comes to mind.

There was a Merlin fic too, whose name I can't recall, but I remember reading the opening purpley melodrama battle with something about Merlin being Arthur's glass cannon bride and deus ex machina'ing the ground to swallow everything up iirc, and oh the most flowery dialogue I might have barfed before noping out.

This is an unfinished one. Coming To Terms is a multi pairing "Transformers are making a peace treaty" fic (G1 with influences on characterization from other things besides canon and bios, like Dreamwave for Sunstorm). It's got a great premise for anyone into BDSM AUs, and how they'd coexist in a universe where that was not set in stone for everyone, sexual tension between unlikely characters, and well-written and easily pictured violence (the arena is probably my favourite chapters). Plus there's intrapolitical dynamics porn (on top of the intrapolitical spark porn lol) that takes itself seriously that I always wonder how fragile the truce whenever I'm whiplashed from a silly moment turned serious. There is a lot of plot in what would normally just be a quick and overly thought-out PWP. And if you're totally into the overly abundant "Vos was so cultural, you guys. Winglords!" fanon, this goes well into describing all the minutae the author comes up with, extending it beyond twitchy wings and trines.

But god damn does the author get lost in pov character's train of thought or a detour into the past. If you've ever watched an anime where it takes several episodes of inner monologue and flash backs to relay a character answering some dude's question (if not just punching the question), that is the experience of this fic. Or if you've ever been reading a webcomic as it updates, only to be stuck for months on a train, a year in a party, this is that fic too. Once the endless boardroom meeting on the topic of consent begins, that takes multiple heavy chapters btw, it starts to look like the world's most painfully precise PSA that repeats itself.

But still I can't look away even when I'm rolling my eyes (I roll my head) because I am really interested in that plot, and when will Jazz and Starscream touch each other on the lips????

Re: Most pretentious fanfic you've ever read

(Anonymous) - 2015-06-10 02:59 (UTC) - Expand

Twist and Shout.

The Shakespeare fanfic that had about three times as many words in the deadly-serious explanatory footnotes as in the fic.

Didn't think I could give an answer for this but then I remembered grimdark Hetalia 9/11 fic and my face went like this - ??????????!?!?!??!!!!???!!!!