fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3115 ]

[ SECRET POST #3115 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3115 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Tom Selleck]

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03.

[Kylie Bunbury]

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[My Life as a Teenage Robot]

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[The Raid 2]

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[Ore Monogatari]

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[noel fielding]

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08.

[Matsumoto Jun, Arashi]

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[The Quiz Broadcast (That Mitchell and Webb Look)]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 027 secrets from Secret Submission Post #445.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mentioned him before but quick recap. There's a dude at work who pretty much tracks and comments if I'm around or not. It drives me up the wall because he'll also text me when I'm not in the office to ask why I'm not. It's annoying because a) he always assumes I'm sick (as in pulling a sicky) and I'm not - I'm in training or working out of the office or b) I am actually off sick in which case it's none of his business ie solo breaking up 60kg of dog fight would freak anyone out so fuck off.

Welp he did it again yesterday. I was away 2 days (IT training). Got a text late on the second day, ignored it. Back at work on Wednesday and I'm basically ambushed (or feels like it, does someone so tall really need to get in my face?) with "feeling better now?"
*i give confused face at him*
"You weren't in?"
"I was in training"
"I think I sent you a text though" *rummages for his phone*
"Yeah but it was in class and by the time I could reply it was done for the day so no point - you know you can check out my calendar it's all there"
*idk he makes a noncommittal gesture*

Since its work I was hoping some nice quick pointed but professionally distant comments for next time. Since comments so far are not effective but I don't want to cause waves.
(Every employee has a public available calendar. I had my out of office on too...

Do you have an HR department?

Tell them he's doing this if you do.

Yeah but it's mostly minor annoyance so I'd like to try to resolve it myself before going for the big guns. Feels a bit like overkill.

Have you explicitly told him to stop texting you and check your calendar instead?

No to the first part, yes to the second. It's oddly difficult to find a way to tell someone the former without causing offence :(

I've found "why do you ask?" sometimes works well. As in, why are you so concerned about my health? First of all, check my calendar. Second, if I'm sick, I'm not going to reply to texts. And third, again - why are you so concerned about my health???

I'll give that a try. It will happen again. He did stop for about a month after he miss stepped enough even he noticed. It's not major bad but it is seriously annoying and kind of stressful.

Yes, this.

Also "I was where my supervisor asked me to be. What was stopping you from checking my calendar?"

And "I wasn't aware I needed to discuss this with anyone but my supervisor."

And "If you have issues with my schedule, take it up with my supervisor."

Seriously, saying "Yeah, but I was in class, and by the time I could reply it was done for the day so there was no point" or whatever you said sounds like excuse-making. You don't have to make excuses to him, because you're not answerable to him. Don't do that.

EtiquetteHell has a nice phrase--don't JADE--where JADE stands for

Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

Yeah I deflect a lot :( I'm hoping if I go in with everyone's suggested phrases here (next time, there will be a next time no doubt =_=). I'll practice these! Especially the supervisor comments cause yeah if he really needs to know I have a whole team he can ask!

You don't say (maybe you did in your earlier post?) whether you work closely enough with this person that he's texting you because he needs information or materials that only you can provide, and he needs them now. If he's not, then his texting you and when you're out, and pressing you to account for your whereabouts once you're back, are just officious meddling.

So one more thing he may need to hear:

"My supervisor and I have this matter covered. Don't text me again."

Ignore it. He's looking for a rise. If he escalates when he doesn't get it (it gets worse/he actively does something to affect your work/job), then you complain. First to your direct supervisor, if that has no effect, then to HR. But 99% chance it won't get this far, if you just ignore him.

It's like this...is this person responsible for attendance? Is he your direct supervisor? If the answer to both of these is no, blow him off every time he does this, and he'll get the hint. If he takes it beyond that, it will backfire on him. If he's not completely socially inept, he'll realize that.

SA

I missed the part where he was texting you. Block his number.

I think he might be a bit socially inept lol. I can't block his number :( we both have an aspect of our role which requires being able to contact each other (and others) via mobile. But I would like him to dial it back a bit. And keep it to work.

I guess I want some nice quick phrases I can use to get that in his head without seriously offending him or just get him to think. Normally I'm so flummoxed when it happens I can't come up with anything *frowns at self*

It's okay, don't be too harsh on yourself. Practice. First with yourself, and if you have a good friend, then with them. It might take a bit time to get the hang of it, but you'll get there. Every time you're starting to feel flummoxed, breathe deeply a few times. Give yourself time. :)

Ugh, that would drive me crazy, too, my sympathies. Honestly, this would also make me mad so I'd be prone to making remarks like:

"You seem awfully interested in keeping tabs on my whereabouts. Why is that?"

"[name], unless you need help with something, I'm really busy and do not have time to check in with you every day. You can check my calendar if you need to know where I am."

"Whoa there [name], can you move back a bit, please? I like having plenty of personal space."

REPEAT AS NEEDED. Say it with a calm, neutral expression and/or a polite smile such as you would give to a stranger, but be brisk and don't linger. Don't answer texts unless they're directly about work, don't give him any of the details he's fishing for. You're busy with work. Too busy to talk, see you later, [exit pursued by bears] etc. etc.

It'll be awkward yeah, but he's already making it awkward by being kind of a creeper about this.

Yeah I'm a bit worried I'm going to snap and hoping if I have some "prepared earlier" replies I can deal with it.

It's a good idea. I think the main thing to remember is to keep things short and to the point. People (women in particular) have a habit of soft-pedaling their responses when they're on the receiving end of pushy behavior. It feels rude or abrupt to tell someone that no, this is none of their business. Unfortunately, some pushy people really cannot take a hint so every time you try to deflect his rude behavior, the message he gets is "try again next time".

Be firm but polite, deliver definitive "I'm not going to answer texts unless it's directly about work" with a small smile and avoid apologizing, because you have nothing to be sorry for. The whole "why do you ask?" response is a good one too, because it calls him out politely on his intrusive questioning. Good luck.

Thanks! I'm definitely going to steal a bunch from this thread (and bookmark to practice them lol). The way my throat is going I'm probably going to be sick sometime next week so I guess I'll give being firmer and clearer a go pretty soon :s

You don't need snappy one-liners. If you actually want to resolve this, like you say you do in other comments here, you need to tell him that it's not his business and you don't appreciate the attention he's giving you.

If he doesn't stop, you need to go to your HR department. Of course, if you just want to call him out and cut him down to size with borrowed wit, by all means, ask away for our snappy comments.

Yeah I do want to resolve it but I tend to ramble so I'm hoping by borrowing other people's wit and having some prepared phrases will get him to back off :( otherwise it will keep going on and on but don't think it's hr worthy or even manager worthy. Just something that drives me up the wall.

He is harassing you. Women frequently fail to report harassment because they "don't think it's worthy" but it is. Talk to your manager, and if that doesn't work, go to HR.

Wait, what?

You don't need any one liners. If he's not your supervisor and not in HR, and you two aren't working together on a project that was due yesterday, then it's none of his business.

If he's constantly texting/bugging you all the time, you should probably report it to YOUR supervisor. It sounds like maybe he doesn't have a lot to do at his job.

Of course, it's entirely possible he's got a crush on you too... before he gets completely unbearable, you could just ask, "What gives? Why all the questions about me being sick?" Maybe putting him on the spot will make him back off... or give you more of a reason to report him, I dunno.

Sounds like he's overly suspicious of your work habits. It's kind of sad how people get like this around co-workers they either don't like or just because they are bored and like causing trouble for others. Or because they like how much influence the wield over people. This of course is based on you actually doing what you are supposed to be doing at work. If not, he just sounds like a trouble maker. Just be sure to do everything properly so that he can't call you out for anything.

I agree with this. I once had a coworker that basically tried to rattle me out to my supervisor because I left earlier than others. Not only did that workplace have flextime, she was in no way affected by what I did.

I've been hoping he's just incredibly socially inept as opposed to anything more malicious. Haven't worked out if he is or isn't yet.

(I am actually doing my work! Sure I have my coffee breaks to energise but if I wasn't pulling my weight it'd be noticed very fast. We work in different areas though, he's an accountant, I'm some kind of bastard hybrid of corporate, IT admin and strategy.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3115 ]

Need some snappy one liners

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