[ SECRET POST #3134 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3134 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #448.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It's seen as a woman dominating a man. Woman dominating a man = kinky! Man dominating a woman = totally normal and expected.

Even though I like the idea of pegging partly because it seems dominant, I kind of hate the idea that penetration = dominance always. Honestly, I think that idea comes from women being being expected to be submissive, but people have sort of turned it the other way around, so a woman can be dominant, but only if she's penetrating someone. There's just no reason penetration NEEDS to be an act of dominance (though if you want it to be, that's fine too).

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, I don't know where you are that a dom/sub dynamic stops being kinky if the sub's a woman, but over here at least it's still kink.

[fingalsanteater]

Yeah, really. OP is reaching on that one. D/s is still kinky regardless of the genders involved on either side of the dynamic.

I would def call a woman's preference to sub to men a kink.

[(Anonymous)]

If it's actual BDSM, yeah, it's a kink. But a lot of people seem to expect the guy to "take charge" and act dominant, not necessarily in a way that's extreme enough to be BDSM, but definitely to be in control of the situation. And that's not considered a kink, nor something the woman always has to be okay with (or it's just assumed she will be okay with it).

Not to mention all the sex advice aimed at men, that's basically just "dominate women! They like it!" without mentioning that some women don't like it, and that maybe you should ask first (but asking is "beta" and will totally turn the woman off...)

[(Anonymous)]

DA Yeah exactly, that's what I was trying to get at above, penetration is too often framed as dominant behaviour per se, which is part of the essentialising of men's dominant sexual behaviour. When a woman feels like penetrating her male partner, suddenly it's kinky, ie dominant by default?

I mean, even the bullshit idea that "sex toys must be kinky", sure that's how heterosexist, sexist society works, but thanks for making those who strap it on, straight/bi/lesbian, trans men, even some cis gay men, whoever, kinky by default. I say this as an actively kinky person who also has vanilla strap-on sex, and I know how labelling of certain behaviours, and hell, orientations (hello so many slash fans!) as inherently kinky can be an othering behaviour that positions het sex as normal.

I don't think I'm being obtuse here? :)

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

I think other anon was talking about the kind of dominant, pushy, or self-entitled behavior that's often not even remarked upon as anything but normal. I.e guys being pushy for sex, expecting it, expecting to get off but not necessarily making sure they get their female partner off, expecting oral but not necessarily wanting to or being willing to give oral, assuming the position that works for them also works for their female partner or just not caring whether it does or not, expecting rigorous cleaning/grooming of the pubic area by their partner but not doing much maintenance on their own pubic area, expecting their female partner to dress in a sexually appealing way "for the sake of their sex life," or for her to be instantly horny for them whenever they bother to make an effort. That kind of stuff.

Not to mention that it's often just assumed by most men that they get to penetrate their female partner, pretty much every time they have sex, unless they would rather finish some other way. Whereas a lot of guys don't even consider letting their female partner penetrate them with anything (except maybe with a finger or two, and sometimes not even that).


For the record, I know that a lot of guys are genuinely good, thoughtful, caring sexual partners. I'm not saying ALL or even MOST guys are self-intitled pricks in the bedroom. Just that some are, and often when a guy is that way it can get overlooked or excused as being within the realm of normal male sexual behavior.

[(Anonymous)]

This. All of this.

[diet_poison]

there's different degrees of dominance. basically our whole world expects men to be dominant and women to be submissive in sex, it's just not like D/S-type dominance, usually.

[(Anonymous)]

This is what I meant to say, but you said it better and in far fewer words. :)

[fingalsanteater]

I think people are misconstruing the idea that the penatrative act in pegging means it's a D/s, femdom type kink. It can very well mean that, if that's how you take your kink. And, that's not to say that female dominance isn't part of the kink as well. But, the penetrative act is even more kinky than that in the fact a that woman must strap on a dildo (the use of sex toys seen as kinky in their own right) and commit an act that is stigmatized as homosexual (inserting something into the anus of the man). The taboo nature of men receiving anal sex that still prevails also lends to the notion that pegging is very kinky.

So, it's much more that the idea of a woman being dominate.

[cbrachyrhynchos]

It probably doesn't help much that the majority of pegging porn involves some form of mild femdom.

[fingalsanteater]

Yeah, it usually does. Which, I totally get the annoyance at the one penetrating almost always being a Dom.