fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #393 ]

[ SECRET POST #393 ]

⌈ Secret Post #393 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 18 pages, 450 secrets from Secret Submission Post #057.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, [ 1 2 3 ] not!secrets, [ 1 2 ] not!fandom, [ 1 2 ] too big, [ 1 ] personal attack, [ 1 2 ] wtf?
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Sunday, February 3rd, 2008.
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

U-uh... I don't know much about autism, so I have no idea what to say about that..? I'm sure you can try not to get on people's nerves so much, though..?

And, I'm sorry. I don't have msn. (:

AIM is phantomthief434
gmail is tuffyaoigrrl@gmail.com

Autism is basically a disability. mine is common sense and social wisdom.
anyways. I never know when I'm getting on people's nerves. I need people to tell me.

I'm really sorry.

Okay, look. I don't know you. I don't know what you've done in this fandom.

But blaming Autism for your behavior? Is really not on. I don't have it myself, but I used to go to a small private school where it was harder to find a kid without Asperger's than with.

And you know what? They embraced the fact that they couldn't pick up on the same social cues as everyone else. And they worked extra hard and were extra careful to make up for that fact. But most of all, when called on inappropriate behavior, they did not resort to using Asperger's as an end-all be-all excuse for their behavior.

Also, this is the internet. You are not the only person lacking in "common sense and social wisdom."

Edited 2008-02-03 03:03 (UTC)

i'm really sorry. I just need someone to take the time to talk to me and help me out. I'm not the one to embrace the fact about asperger. Where my parents came form, autism isn't something to be proud of.

I know I should be blaming myself with this, but I just don't know what to do. you could say I'm...scared?

See, that's the thing. It's not something to be ashamed of, or something to proud of. It just is.

As for what to do, I agree with what other people are saying. Take a step back. Examine your behavior. Could it be that you're sending different messages than you intended? Remember, other people aren't in your head. They don't know how you reached your conclusions, or necessarily want to hear everything about your daily life. Use basic social courtesies. Say please and thank you. Ask for help if you're confused. Don't demand things from fandom-- ask politely and recognize that your request might not be answered. Don't talk so much that other people aren't able to get a word in edgewise.

Also, do not, DO NOT, refer to Asperger's as making you "sick in the head." That is offensive and downright inaccurate. Your brain functions differently than other peoples'. However, when you accept this, you can also find that this different set of functions gives you certain advantages, as well.

Okay, LJ messenger isn't working for me right now, so I'm replying to you here.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time or the desire to be your personal therapist. HOWEVER, you'll note that people don't want to hate you-- in fact, many of them seem to be willing to give you a second chance if you settle down and start to modify your behavior (THIS IS IMPORTANT).

If you truly are sorry, try to stop making excuses (I see you blamed your sister in another thread!). Ultimately, all responsibility for your behavior lies with you. Only you can change it, and only you can give yourself the motivation to do so.

Ok. I will be careful from now on, but people are already thinking badly of me, so what can I do if they just won't pay attention to me?

If you really show signs of changing, I don't think they'll ignore you. It might take a while for people to take you seriously. But you know, fandom is just like real life. You have to start from the ground up when gaining respect from people. Contribute to the fandom, and not in a "I'll only give things to you if you give me something first" kind of way. Of course, there's something to be said about contributing in moderation, so that people don't get sick of your posts before even reading the content.

Everyone likes attention! But if you're just in the fandom to get attention rather than to share the love of the series and its characters with fellow fans, well. :/ That's not going to win you any points.

I try to share my love ofr the series, but people just think my fanfics are too weird.

I seriously regret everything I did and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

And thank you. for some weird reason, your very mature talk is helping me. I will try my best.

Eh, you can't please all of the people all of the time, especially with art and writing. You can be a member of a community even if your tastes aren't mainstream.

If I truly did help, I'm glad. No one likes conflicts to fester.

Complete outsider to the situation, but I just wanted to express my amazement that there are people as patient as you on the internet. XD

S-Shounen Onmyouji icon!!1!

FAIRY PRINCESS MASAHIRO OH DEAR GOD XD

I love Shounen Onmyouji. ♥ It deserves more adoration.

Yeah, I. Don't even remember the story behind that one.

INDEED IT DOES. ♥

Okay. As a member of the comm--first off, I'm on dialup and I can't load this post. So if all of this has been said to you already, it's probably been said better than I can. Listen to those people.

But in any case, as a member of the fandom in question and someone who's followed your posts, I'll give you advice. You're looking for advice, so here it is.

1. No one cares about your autism. Really. I'm not telling you to try and hide a part of who you are, but I am telling you that in this context, it will not win you any sympathy. At best it'll make people roll their eyes, and at worst it'll make them think you're a troll. When you make a mistake, move on. Own up to it, leave it behind you, and try not to make it again. That's the only way for everyone. We've all had to do it. Don't beat yourself up, make passive-aggressive comments seeking attention for it, or blame anyone else. Just don't do it again.

2. Along those lines, deleting posts and comments that people disagree with is not the way to be taken seriously. Don't try to pretend your mistakes never happened. Deleting something for a typo is one thing. Deleting comments and posts, both of your own and of others, is another thing entirely and makes it look like you're covering your tracks. People are going to remember if something like that happens ANYWAY. Word's gonna get out. Having deleted the evidence does nothing but make you look like a troll.

3. You might want to brush up on your grammar and punctuation. Take care with how you come across. You don't need to be perfect. No one is! But you do need to be literate.

4. Fandom is give and take. Reborn fandom is very giving! I should know, because I'm essentially talentless and so I do a lot of taking myself. But I don't demand anything of the fandom. Or sure, jokingly I say GIVE ME MOAR ARCOBALENO PORNZ but. It's a joke! If you want something from fandom, you need to either wait for an opportunity or offer something of equal value. As others pointed out in a deleted post of yours, holding altered MP3s hostage for fic and art (which takes a lot of effort) is going to make you look greedy (she said, using this icon, lol).

5. Along those lines, if you post on a certain topic and you don't get much interest, well . . . sometimes it's your bad luck, and another post may be in order when you have more to offer. Other times it's because there is low interest. Posting with the same offers half a dozen times when people were not terribly interested the first time is going to irritate them. They saw the offer and passed on it the first two times, they're not going to want to scroll by it five more.

6. But you know what? All of that said? Make yourself happy. That's the most important thing. It's FANDOM. It doesn't matter much in the scheme of things. Make what you want to make, write what you want to write, ask for what you want to ask for. Do try to be polite about it, but in the end, fandom is something we enjoy. We want you to enjoy it too! Change exactly as much of your behavior as you want to change. But see #1: be prepared to reap what you sow. If you're not getting along with people, you have a choice to make between their approval and your behavior. And fandom is more fun when people like you, yes! You should be courteous to them and do your best to understand where they're coming from. But in the end, don't take things so seriously. Move on, change what you want to change, and have fun with it, please. That's the point of everything we do here on LJ.

Woooord.

Thank you. although the things you said were a bit harsh when I already feel like shit for what I've done. I've got say that I understand what you mean and I want you to know i'm rerally sorry for everything. So tell anyone you know, that I will be writing more fanfiction and i'll continue posting. I'll try my best to reread my stuff and think before mypost. but thank you for taking the time to tell me. I shall follow your advice.

But I am literate (enough), though. What made you think I wasn't? you obviously haven't seen my fiction, I use spellcheck. Maybe you just think i'm not because someone else told you that I wasn't?

You said you wanted advice. I was actually trying to be rather diplomatic there. XD This is an example of what I mean. When you come into public and tell people that you have Asperger's and you need to be told what's annoying and what's not, they're not going to beat around the bush. It's not disrespect for someone who has a disorder; it's the fact that by your own admission you don't understand social cues, so it wouldn't be very responsible of me to word this in a way that could be misinterpreted. Do you see? You reap what you sow. Telling people that you need to be told why you're annoying because you medically cannot understand it is going to result in slightly harsher, er, criticism.

No, I-I've been reading your LJ comments. Again it's not necessary to make every sentence perfect, but when they're full of typos, fragments, missing capital letters, and the like, that does reflect on you. If you're perfectly capable of typing without errors, you should take the time to do so.

...yeah it's kinda dumb to talk about my medical problems. nvm what I said. ^^

Oh the comments! I thought you were talking about my fictions. Well yeah, of course my comments aren't literate. you see, I don't feel the need for perfect typing unless you're writing a fnafiction, know what I mean? It's just my opinion, though. >> <<

And that's your choice and a valid opinion, but just be aware of the fact that people are going to form their own opinions of YOU based on that, and that a lot of them are going to make assumptions about intelligence and/or laziness. if you're okay with that, it's your choice! No one can tell you how to comment. But you also lose the right to be offended when people draw the natural conclusions. That's something everyone has to deal with when they decide how to present themselves (like, I swear and CAPSLOCK and use the word "like" a lot, and I don't pretend that some people aren't going to be annoyed by it).

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[ SECRET POST #393 ]

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