[ SECRET POST #3144 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3144 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Grace Kelly, Judy Garland]


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[Soragumi, Shizuki Asato]












Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #449.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: relationship bullshit; warnings for tl;dr, possible eating disorders, all-around stupid bullshit

[a_potato]

Oh boy.

I'm going to do my best to organize my thoughts on this. I have a lot of them, and they may come out a bit jumbled.

First, I have no doubt that he's experiencing some form of depression, anxiety, or a combination of the two. The fact that he was secluding himself prior to the surgery; the fact that he's now in need of so much help; and the fact that he will not put in the effort to do what he's able to take care of himself all point to that. Even his passing simple decision-making onto you is a sign.

He needs the kind of help for that that you aren't going to be able to give. And, to be quite frank, you are currently enabling him to remain in this state, because there's no incentive for him to get out of it.

I know that sucks to hear, and I also know that it sucks to have to tell someone who's suffering that there are things you can no longer do for him. But it's very unlikely that he'll ever go to therapy (which he sorely needs) if he's got someone so wrapped up in his emotional needs that he's able to avoid dealing with them.

Second, depression or not, his behavior is not acceptable. The constant criticism of your efforts; the demand that you figure out what food he wants to eat for him; the threat to not eat until you apologize... It is manipulative, it is controlling, and it is not how you treat someone you love. You are giving everything to him, and it's not enough; he still wants more.

What is he giving to you? Who's taking care of you? When do you get to rest and recharge? Yes, he needs care, but it's important that you're able to take care of your own mental and emotional needs, as well, and it doesn't sound, from what you've written, as if he's allowing for that (even with your weekly outing).

I'm sorry, OP, because I'm awful at explaining what to do when it comes to this stuff. But I do think you need to set firmer boundaries, and if there are things that he is able to do for himself, you need to stop doing those things. He'll pitch a fit, but he won't ever fully get better if he never starts transitioning into taking care of himself.

And if he won't stop verbally castigating you and treating you like a servant, then you might want to consider whether or not it's worth staying.

Re: relationship bullshit; warnings for tl;dr, possible eating disorders, all-around stupid bullshit

[(Anonymous)]

This is a good post.

+100

[(Anonymous)]

All of this.

Re: relationship bullshit; warnings for tl;dr, possible eating disorders, all-around stupid bullshit

[(Anonymous)]

+1000 this this this

Re: relationship bullshit; warnings for tl;dr, possible eating disorders, all-around stupid bullshit

[caerbannog]

+4

I hope things get better for you op, with or without him in your life.