[ SECRET POST #3160 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3160 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #452.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

A small vent

[(Anonymous)]

Second post jic

Re: A small vent

[(Anonymous)]

I have this group of friends, there's four of us, and one of them (the one who brought us all together, actually), let's call them friend 1, has been weirdly cold and distant lately, but just with us. F1 seems to be fine with other people, and we have no idea why (we know they're going through a hard time but it doesn't really explain the way they laugh with other people like BFFs and all but ignore us three), and today I got woken up by friend 3 texting me because she's really worried about friend 2 who seems very upset, and when I finally reach F2 (after F3 seems to finally manage to get to sleep), it turns out she's having a panic attack of some sort. The main reason is her life issues but the upset right now seems to have been sparked by F1 being all ignorey again.

And now I'm upset because F2 is upset and I can't really help her, and anxious because F3 is (was?) anxious and now I know she was right, and confused because F1 is still being weird, and I'm also miserable about something else in my own life, and it's all a big mess of sad feelings. Couldn't vent on my blog because F2 reads it, couldn't vent in the vent chat room I go to because F1 is in it, and my therapist is probably at work...so here's the place, I guess. I'm the kind of person who feels better really quickly, but only if I can tell someone about my feelings.

*sigh* I love them all and I just want everyone to be happy. It's great that we have each other for when our lives get shitty but the downside is that them being unhappy makes me unhappy and vice versa...stupid fucking empathy I guess.

Re: A small vent

[elaminator]

I'm sorry, anon. That sounds frustrating.

Has this been going on for long? Do you think there's any way f1 might feel left out in your group? (I'm not saying you've done anything to make them think that, but some people are insecure or jump to wrong conclusions.)

Unless they have been offended by a common opinion you guys share, I honestly don't know what could be going on.

Sometimes people do have trouble connecting or being social when other things are going on in their lives, but since you've mentioned they have no problem being happy interacting with others idk.

Maybe you should just ask if anything is wrong? It might be a bit uncomfortable, but that's probably the easiest way to find out.

I hope it works out!

Re: A small vent

[(Anonymous)]

I really don't know...F1 isn't a venter, and if I asked them what was wrong I'd either look selfish ("why aren't you paying attention to me?") or make them feel bad ("did you know you're hurting your friends?"), no matter how I phrased it.

My suspicion is that, since we all have issues, they may not be able to deal with ours on top of theirs right now, so they stick to joking with people who don't expect anything more than joking, rather than opening themself up to being confided in (and probably poked and prodded about how they feel and how we can help). Which is understandable. I just, well. Wish I could do something, and hope it works out too. >_

Re: A small vent

[elaminator]

You wouldn't need to specifically ask them if they're upset with you, you could say, “We haven't had a one on one for a while and I wanted to know how you are!" Or, if you rant then maybe tell them they're free to do so too.

But if that's truly the issue here then I can understand why you're hesitant to bring it up. You don't want to push too much though I think your intentions are good.

I suppose you can just wait it out, see if anything changes. (Or maybe plan a lighthearted hangout where you guys can just enjoy yourself? Promise each other that you won't talk too much about RL, then chat about it later when f1 isn't around?)

Re: A small vent

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I think waiting and hoping is all I or any of us can do right now. I'll remind F1 periodically that we care about them, but I get the feeling pushing won't help. Thanks for listening, though. It does help to get it all off my chest - now I'm only upset about my own life, which is an improvement, I guess =P

Re: A small vent

[(Anonymous)]

Kind of a tangled mess. Have any of you actually asked F1 what's up? Are you absolutely sure that your difficulties aren't at the root of F1's coolness? Because sometimes group dynamics is a tricky thing and it could be that while the three of you think things should be mostly-cool, F1 disagrees and is avoiding you guys because you don't see ______ as a problem and they do. But if F1 not willing to discuss it, well, that's pretty much all you can do.

I don't know what to say about F2 except that panicking about someone ignoring you is getting worked up over something you cannot control. You can't force someone to be on friendly terms with you, all you can do is figure out what to do with yourself. Dragging F3 and then you into it is a non starter, tbh.