[ SECRET POST #3160 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3160 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #452.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Because "He's a nice guy, really." Because "You're being unfair, you should give him a chance." Because "Do you really think you're going to do better?" We're told constantly, both in fiction and in real life, that we're mistreating that socially awkward male nerd by not giving him a chance, giving him a date, giving him another date because maybe he was just nervous. We're told constantly that he's not really being creepy, we're just over-reacting, he's a nice guy and we'll really like him if we give him a chance. We're told constantly that we should be flattered by the attention - or, conversely, that it's not really stalking, because honey, you're not pretty enough to stalk.

Our cultural narrative is that male sexual aggressiveness is normal and desirable, and that we should just give in - the popular girl's a shallow, stuck-up bitch if she turns down that guy who's crushing on her, regardless of whether her reasoning is that his personality's obnoxious, or he fails at hygeine forever, or he reminds her of her cousin and that's just weird, or you know what, actually, she likes girls. Female affection is treated as a reward for persistence: mash the buttons enough times, and a vagina will fall out. If we respond with a restraining order instead, we're breaking some tacit cultural agreement, and again: shallow, stuck-up bitch.

That narrative doesn't exist in reverse. Women are told we're not supposed to be sexually aggressive. It's unattractive. We're not meant to be the pursuers, we're the pursued. Characters like Amy are an anomaly, all the more so because she actually gets the guy, and all the more so again because she eventually leaves him. Most aggressive female characters are treated as laughingstocks, so having one who's treated with any degree of sympathy is actually pretty novel.

Urkel, on the other hand, is the distilled essence of the narrative we've had shoved down our throats for ages - he's as loathed as he is because there's finally some backlash against it.

And yeah, he's actually a creep, not a poor socially awkward cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure.

[(Anonymous)]

THANK YOU.

man, i'm fucking tired of putting up with creepy dudes just to "be nice" and avoid hurting their feelings.

what about MY feelings? what about my feelings of discomfort and fear and anxiety, that many of these sorts of guys ignore?

if someone doesn't care about your basic comfort, then they don't really care about YOU and they're not worth the time.

[(Anonymous)]

I really love everything about this comment.

[(Anonymous)]

AMEN!!! And don't forget, if we do choose to get involved with the guy and something happens and he hurts us, we're still stupid bitches for getting involved with that kind of guy in the first place (I mean really, what did we expect when we got involved with a socially awkward weirdo like that, right???). The system is set up so we never win.