Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2015-10-15 06:45 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2015-10-15 06:45 pm
[ SECRET POST #3207 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3207 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #458.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Advice thread
(Anonymous) 2015-10-15 11:15 pm (UTC)(link)But yes, if you make a big fuss over leaving and then slowly sneak back AND ask if everyone is mad at you* then people are going to wonder WTF is going on and why your behavior is so erratic. It's not always that people are being dicks about your mental health issues, it's just that even with mental health issues taken into consideration, they still have to deal with your behavior.
An extreme example, but I used to have a friend who was bipolar. She was great most of the time, but when she hit a bad down cycle, she got naaaaaasty. Like verbally lashing out at people nasty. People knew about her condition and they cut her a lot of slack but you know, nobody likes being yelled at or insulted and at the end of the day they just didn't want to stick around for that. Especially because she wasn't very good at managing her social interactions when she was in a down cycle, and she never apologized for the things she said even when she was more stable because she felt like it wasn't her fault. Unfortunately, she failed to grasp that even when you hurt someone by accident, you're still responsible for your actions. It upset her greatly, of course. She felt like she was being judged for her mental illness. But she wasn't seeing the whole picture...
But back to you. One of the real secrets in how to adult is that most of the time in social interactions, if you can pretend like everything is cool, everything will be cool. People will take their cues from you and how you behave. Don't want a reputation as a drama queen? Then do your best to act like there is no drama. Don't make definitive "I'm leaving now!" announcements. Slow fade when possible, keep in touch with friends individually and privately even if you're not up for a chat. Be honest and open as you can, and resist the urge to do a massive emo-dump on people unless you're really, really good friends.
In the end, there's no avoiding this cycle until you figure out why you do it. It doesn't sound like you want to and when something is negatively impacting your quality of life, it's time to get some help. Good luck, anon.
* Seriously, don't ask that. There's virtually no way that doesn't sound like everyone's in junior high. Take a deep breath and ask yourself if that is REALLY a logical possibility, or if it's just your fears and insecurities talking. Even if it's really a possibility, the more casual you can be about it, the better it'll come off. I'm a big fan of the pre-emptive apology. "Hey, sorry about disappearing so suddenly, I had some personal stuff come up. How are you? [normal conversation follows]".