[ SECRET POST #3209 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3209 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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04. [WARNING for incest]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 054 secrets from Secret Submission Post #459.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[silverr]

Just use their names strategically and vary your sentence structure so it's obvious which "him" you are referring to

Agreed, though I do think that epithets, like substitutes for 'said,' are tolerable if used sparingly.

[fingalsanteater]

I agree.

[(Anonymous)]

I do think that epithets, like substitutes for 'said,' are tolerable if used sparingly.

You're not necessarily wrong (though I'd say "appropriately" rather than "sparingly"), but I think that of the two, epithets are a lot easier to screw up. If an author occasionally throws in a "shouted" or "explained" that in an ideal world would've been a "said," I'm not even going to notice unless I have my beta goggles on. But if an author uses an epithet in the wrong place, that shit's going to throw me out of the story immediately.

[silverr]

Completely agree. When I have dialogue-heavy scenes, rather than have

"Statement. Statement," A said.
"Another statement," B said.
"Statement. Question?" C said.
"Question?" D asked.

I first try to break the dialogue with actions, or varying the structure:

"Statement. Statement," A said.
"Another statement," B said as they did something. "Statement."
"Statement," C said, then asked, "Question?"
D asked, "Question?"

And only use words like shouted, retorted, snapped, said stoically, asked peevishly if the emotional tone needs a little boost. (I've not actually done a count, but my gut is that I use something other than said or asked no more than 5% of the time.

Epithets even less. I just did a quick search on my current WIP. 85,000+ words, and *-haired (generally the only epithet I ever use) appears 11 times. Only once is it used for a character whose proper name we already know.

[(Anonymous)]

"Just shut the fuck up!" anon ejaculated.

"Never!" the taller woman shouted.

"Can't we all just get along?" the ravenette quivered.

"Do I really have to slap someone to make this end?" the Scandinavian inquired.

"Probably," the carpenter enunciated.

[(Anonymous)]

"LOL" the commenter underneath stated, uninventively.